StarTribune.com

Love and loss

Posted on May 5th, 2008 – 7:53 PM
By Josephine Marcotty

It’s a scary story on its surface. A Minnesota psychologist finds that adopted kids are twice as likely to have behavioral disorders that carry daunting names like conduct disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, and attention deficit disorder. Those are diagnoses that hint at debilitating anger and disconnection. You can read the story here.

Adoption agencies go to a lot of trouble to warn parents about what they might face as their kids hit the emotional gauntlet of adolescence, the age when kids struggle to create their unique identity. For adopted kids who lost the parents and families they never knew that can be particularly difficult.

“It’s all about loss,” said Jennifer Wilson, a social worker from Children’s Home Society who counsels adoptive families and adopted children. In adolescence “it’s a double challenge, separating from your parents, and separating from a birth family that you may never meet.”

But Margaret Keyes, the psychologist who conducted study, takes a larger view. True, adopted kids are somewhat more likely than non-adopted ones to have emotional problems, but really, the rates are quite low, she said. And, after all, what child doesn’t face some risk, anything from violence in the media to as of yet unidentified genes to divorcing parents or addiction. From that perspective, being adopted doesn’t seem like much of a risk at all.

Somehow, most adopted kids find their way through it. Sometimes, they end up with some of the most interesting stories of all. If you have one about being adopted or the child you adopted, will you share it?

5 Responses to "Love and loss"

' + title + ' - ' + basename(imgurl) + '(' + w + 'x' + h +') says:

May 6th, 2008 at 9:45 am

[…] There’s more on the story from reporter Josephine Marcotty on Bodytalk. […]

teen mom says:

May 6th, 2008 at 12:42 pm

My adopted daughter (14) is really struggling right now with ADD, depression and identity issues. I hadn’t thought of the adoption piece since she never verbalizes concerns. How can I find a good therapist who has experience with these types of children?

Josephine Marcotty says:

May 6th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

I know that Children’s Home Society, Lutheran Social Services and Catholic Charities all offer specialized counseling for adopted children and their families. You could also check with the University of Minnesota’s Center for Twin and Family Research. My guess is they have family therapists there as well. Good luck. JM

Jim Frost says:

May 6th, 2008 at 3:10 pm

For teen mom,

As well as finding a good therapist it might not be a bad idea for you to contact someone (like myself) who has lived through adoption. I am 48 and am looking back at many times of my life and with these news article comming out more and more about adopted children things are getting a little clearer for me. I was adopted in Minnesota at age 3.5 after living in 9 foster homes. I know what it’s like to be on the outside looking in. Trapped on the inside looking out and many other things that are relevant as well. Sometime a friend is more needed than the therapist. Best of luck, Jim

Josephine says:

May 6th, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Jim, you sound like you know how to be a good friend. I’d encourage you and teen mom to go to startribune.com/cribsheet. There are a number of people there talking about adoption as well. JM