Antique & Classic Cars Blog

Another morning logging into the blog, another batch of mindless, senseless spam posts to be summarily deleted. When I have “nothing to do” I read the Science articles in the New York Times–always interesting stuff, but it makes no money, pays no bills. Spam disseminators have a whole order of “nothing to do” that puts loitering on par with studying at Wharton.

Moments ago, the sender “Allergy Latex Photo” posts this inviting note: “Mattress covers Allergy, Allergy eggs, Allergy skin rash, Allergy filter, Peanut oil Allergy, Journal of Allergy and clinical immunology, Allergy latex photo, Do Allergy cause sore throat, Allergystore.”

The thinking apparently is that we, the unsuspecting computer users of the 21st Century, will become irreversibly piqued by this witty invitation to learn more and click the link. Spam only does in print what phone solicitors do by voice… And who could resist this exchange?:

PHONE RINGS.

YOU: Hello?

SPAM: Allergy eggs, allergy skin rash, allergy filter.

YOU: Really, allergy filter? Tell me more.

SPAM: Allergy rolex, allergy Kentucky, allergy real estate….

YOU: Fake Rolex or real deal?

SPAM: Allergy college fund.

YOU: Is that code for “real deal?” If this is a great deal you can’t be straightforward about over the phone, say something confusing. I’ll understand.

SPAM: Allergy time share, cure cellulite. Baltimore.

YOU: Are you in Baltimore? Is that where my Rolex is?

SPAM: Press 1.

YOU: Al? Mr. Latex-Photo?

SPAM: Press 1.

BEEP (The “1″ tone)

Who wouldn’t press? Maybe this whole spam thing is a lot more sensible than we realized. If so, you might appreciate the following poem my writer friend Richard produced using only the re: lines of spam he’d collected for rainy day reading:

Magical Stenographer

She laid her gentle hands upon my shoulders, and looked calmly in
My shady past,
My work of gatecrash:
Grazier favourite,
Runoff cadaver,
American Executive VP of Valley National Bank!
I can’t even start to think of that felony, Sparky…

You, riverbank; her, shipbuilding.
Which rules are in effect here?
I start no divers shudder,
I rain in polarization, reconstruct
Sayings of Chinese Origin,
Constrict smell,
Expiate glutamine,
Discover fresh energy and relief at e-mart.
Magical stenographer,
Impress
Her. Understand my saliva.
Salvador: time to think about it. [end]

Time to think indeed. About better ways to block spam.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 24th, 2007 at 11:09 am and is filed under Car stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.