If He’s Old Enough to Ask For It….
Posted on March 5th, 2007 – 10:43 PMBy May Chen
It sure was a conversation stopper. When my friend, oh, let’s call her D., let slip over dinner that she was still nursing her four-year-old, our collective jaws dropped. Mind you, this was a table of four other nursing moms, except our babies were still, well, babies. (Though one midwife friend swears it’s not unusual for preschoolers to still be nursing; she says she sees it all the time.) Here’s D. explaining in her own words….
When I was pregnant with my son, I went to all the pre-birth classes I could find. One of the classes was on breastfeeding and I remember the woman who led the class saying that she was STILL breastfeeding her 5-year-old. I thought: “How weird is that?” Even though I believed in all the benefits of breastfeeding, that seemed over the top (there must be some psychological problem with this mother and her child!). Go figure that four years later I still breastfeed my just-turned 4-year-old.
I certainly didn’t plan it that way. I breastfed exclusively during my son’s first year. Once he switched over to solid foods. I continued to breastfeed because he continued to ask for it, but I limited it to just twice a day - before his nap (I work from home) and at night before going to bed. I just thought he would naturally stop wanting my breast as he got older. Plus whenever I suggest stopping or skipping a night, he gets really upset….”I WANT BOOBY!” I just haven’t had the heart to turn it into some huge traumatic event for him.
So I started reading up on how to wean your child. I learned there’s really no right age to stop. Every child is unique and the best time to stop is when either mother or child is ready. I also read that there’s no emotional issues associated with breastfeeding an older child (they may actually have an easier time with independence later on) and it’s only OUR society that doesn’t embrace it.
At this point with my son, it has nothing to do with him being hungry. Now it’s all about comfort and closeness - a couple of minutes is all he wants. It helps him transition to bedtime mode. Just part of the routine along with brushing teeth and reading a story.
How long will we continue? As long as he wants.
149 Responses to "If He’s Old Enough to Ask For It…."
Unbelieveable!
Good for you! I think it’s great you are still breastfeeding. There is definitely nothing wrong with that. The only thing wrong here is how our culture in general views breastfeeding. It’s a shame, really.
I have never talked ot a Mom who said man I wish I has stopped nursing 22 months earlier but I know many who would say I wish I had just stuck with it a bit longer and got over the hump we were having.
Me being one of them. I wish I had nursed my youngest longer. I miss that quiet time we had together.
It is GREAT to see such a positive story about extended breastfeeding! I am currently nursing my almost 20 month old, and have no plans to stop in the near future, unless my son decides to wean. Why should breastmilk from a cow (that’s what it is you know..) suddenly be better than milk from a child’s own mother as soon as the child is a year old?
that’s just gross. that little boy is going to have memories of sucking on his mothers breasts. do you really think that when he’s, say 12, he will look back and say, oh that’s so beautiful, I’m so glad my mom did that for me? sorry, no 12 year old boys I know. he is going to be tramatized, grossed out, and it may even warp his sexuality. (you do realize that breasts represent sex to men, and this boy will grow up to be a man with full color memories of sucking on his mother?) LET IT GO!!!!
This from the Australian Breastfeeding Association(http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/weaning.html)
In many cultures, weaning can occur between two years and four years.
Toddlers and older children still receive nutritional benefits and immunological protection from breastmilk, but many mothers believe that the emotional security is the most important aspect of their feeding relationship.
Advantages of feeding the older baby and weaning slowly:
The child is able to outgrow infancy at her own pace.
The emotional security of being able to turn to mother’s breast for comfort is of great importance to many toddlers. For these children, the trust they have developed in your acceptance of their needs is part of their secure development.
Good for you. The worldwide average for weaning is over 4 years old, I believe, and your thoughtful post is a reminder that sometimes we end up doing things differently than we thought we would, and that it’s OK. Thanks for writing about something that doesn’t get talked about enough.
This is a really nice story to hear. Who cares? Let people be disturbed by child abuse and murder, not something that is so comfortable and nourshing. Plus it curbs obesity. Ask those people that think it is gross if they have weight issues themselves, or their children might struggle with it when they are grown. HA!
“the worldwide average” takes into account the fact that most of the worlds population live in third world countries. people in those countries breastfeed forever because they don’t have anything else to feed their kids. get over yourselves. you’re not super enlightened parents, you’re a bunch of weirdos. and how do you figure breast feeding “curbs” obesity? it may prevent excess weight gain while the child is being nursed, but you can’t tell me it prevents obesity for the child’s lifetime. I know way too many fat people who were breastfed…and you do too.
Excellent, and I’m glad you’re willing to write about it! It’s unfortunate that our society as a whole has such a warped, perverted view of a child’s needs and a natural, normal, healthy way to meet those needs.
My 3-year-old also nurses, and we plan on child-led weaning–in other words, when SHE is ready and has outgrown that need. Until then, I treasure the nutritional, immunological, and psychological benefits she derives from nursing.
Research has shown that breastfeeding for several years is what’s best for kids (physically and emotionally), and part of a way of parenting–respecting children’s needs and natural development–that leads to the most secure and psychologically healthy adults down the road. Even without research, common sense knows this!
OH MY GOSH! YUCK! I think the mom is not willing to let him grow up! Maybe she should have another little one and then she can have another one to fulfill her needs of bonding issues.
“Weirded Out” sounds a bit troll-like. I do want to respond to one thing she/he said, though… I’m thinking this little boy will NOT be breastfeeding at age 12 (an age you cite in your first post.) Age four is a LOT different from age twelve. And, are you defending the fact that Americans have sexualized the breast? I mean, just because we objectify women/women’s breasts (etc) does that make it a good reason to curtail breastfeeding? How sad to use one of the ugliest aspects of our culture to rationalize one’s stance on weaning.
I for one am realizing that my school aged sons are getting an indirect benefit their baby sister’s breastfeeding - they see what breasts are for. Maybe that will help them have a healthier male attitude as they grow older. (Probably not, but it couldn’t hurt.)
Lastly, I’ve never breastfed beyond 16 months, but I certainly don’t think it is my business to criticize someone who goes longer. I think it’s only a problem if the child doesn’t want any part of it and the mother pushes it. That would be warped.
Wow. If you continue to avoid teaching your son how to grow up in order to avoid “some huge traumatic event for him” and allowing him to do what he wants for “as long as he wants” you will have some serious problems down the road. You are the adult. He doesn’t know what’s good for him. My daughter and I have that “comfort and closeness” that helps “transition to bedtime mode.” IT’S CALLED A BEDTIME STORY.
I have mixed feelings on this. I breastfed all three of my children until they were one year and then weaned them. There are benefits to breastfeeding a child, but I think that there is value in encouraging the child to become more independent. Using nursing as comfort for a four year old seems like an inappropriate coping mechanism to teach them. It is always difficult when a child needs to learn a new coping mechanism and this is most likely prolonging their transition, however I’m not sure that it does lasting harm or that we need to worry about the sexuality of it.
I remember being in Norway as a child and finding it very odd that mothers were at the beach without a top on, but no one else cared. I think the reason is that Europeans do not have the strong sexual link to breasts that we do. This is probably a healthy thing and shows that a large portion of our association of the breast with sexuality is learned.
I am currently nursing my 4-month-old son, and can not imagine nursing a full grown little boy! I have a 4-year-old nephew, and the image of him nursing is disturbing, really. I think someone made a very good point about that child being old enough to remember nursing - that will not be a pleasant memory for any child. I for one am happy that I can not remember nursing from my mother.
The thing that bothers me about this is that the reason you say you continue is because your child yells “I WANT BOOBY!”
Surely you will draw intense criticism and intense support from your choice to breastfeed at this age. But please, examine why you are doing it. If it is because you don’t want to tell your child “no”, what other things does your child get, or will your child get, because you don’t want to say “no”? That concerns me much more, and could have much further-reaching implications, than at what age you stop nursing your child.
As a woman, I’m completely grossed out by breastfeeding well after they can walk, eat, bite, and ask for it. Here are a few of my thoughts: After 6 months of breastfeeding, it’s really up for debate as to how beneficial it still is. I also agree with Weirded Out that yes, you do have to take in account that most of the world’s population lives in 3rd world countries and cannot afford food. I do wonder though how anyone can exclusively feed only breastmilk for an entire year. I’d think the kid would be starving! My own brother had to start eating solid foods at the age of 2 weeks because breast milk was not enough. Also, I have many memories of when I was 2, 3 & 4 years old. One memory in particular was seeing my own father naked. I’d give anything to not still have that image from when I was 4 years old. I’m still freaked out by this knowledge in my 30s! Kids DO NOT forget things no matter what you think. I also wonder about the psychological effects as boys grow up. And what if they never want to stop? Why should it be up to the child?
WOW! What a bunch of uneducated people who read this article! As for the woman above (nicole), your brother did not have to start solid foods at 2 weeks–that is just plain stupid and irresponsible and today your mother would be considered to near abusing him. Plus, there are MANY other countries (mainly Europe-not 3rd world only) who breastfeed well into pre-school years. Both my children breastfeed until past their 1st b-day (exclusively) and they were in the top 100% for weight and height the entire time. They are now in the 100% height and 50-75% weight and consist of all muscle-so yes, it is very possible. And there is NO DEBATE about the benefits past 6 months (do you read ANY medical journals or even newspapers??) Terribly sorry your parents instilled in you that the human body is unnatural and gross, but to be traumatized about seeing your naked father at age 4yrs is VERY unnatural. It is attitudes like yours why so many people in this country are fat and unhealthy because they weren’t breastfeed, or only until the child is 6 months or so. Yes, a child can grow healthy on formula, but a breasfed child grows HEALTHIER. I can feed my 2 year old mac-n-cheese and chicken nuggets for the following 5 years and it will grow and appear to be healthy, but if I feed my child fruit, veggies and unprocessed meat and grains, I can assure you my child would be healthier than that other child. You can compare formula to mac-n-cheese, none natural and all “enriched”, but breastmilk was created by GOD to be a babies only food for many years. In a study of all the mammals that are close to us genetically, if taken into account how fast they grow and reach sexual maturity, base humans on that time line, we should be nursing between 4-8 years.
How wonderful that you’re nursing your child as long as they need. My 3 1/2 yo and I are on the same journey. 
Quotes from Christy:
“What a bunch of uneducated people who read this article!”
“[my children] were in the top 100% for weight and height the entire time.”
“breastmilk was created by GOD to be a babies only food for many years”
I’d really like to hear from an adult that was nursed into early childhood. I wonder what his/her thoughts are on the topic.
For the record, my son was born close to 10 lbs. (no, I did not have gestational diabetes) and is now 4 months and 17 lbs. Milk alone has never satisfied him, and I don’t believe that I am “abusing” my son by feeding him solids along with breast milk PER HIS PEDIATRICIANS DIRECTION.
Jodie, you may not be abusing him per se, but you may be leading him down the path to food allergies. Doctors are only human, they make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with questioning doctors or seeking second opinion, they don’t know everything.
Furthermore, I’m offended by Christy’s assumption that mothers who choose formula over breast milk and/or those who stop nursing before their children speak full sentences will certainly feed their children nothing but unhealthy foods such as Mac-n-cheese and chicken nuggets.
Good for you, and your son. Congratulations on writing this piece even though you knew many close minded, slavering, repressed people would bash you for it. Many cultures and countries practice extended breastfeeding. In fact the cultures that we know and recognize as being very respectful practice extened breastfeeding. I know personally many adults who remember nursing and they remember it as a very safe, warm and comforting feeling. I liken it to faint memories i have when I would fall asleep on the sofa and my father would carry me to bed. It too was a safe warm feeling.
Dont let these few warped folks that have forgotten what a mammary gland is for sway you from your instinct. Would they get their panties in a bunch if it was a bottle? I have distinct memories of throwing my bottle away (and digging it back out at night because I still found comfort in it).
YES I most certainly would “get my panties in a bunch” over a 4-year-old drinking a bottle! Do I really need to point out the obvious problem with that?
Just a thought on the title of this.. “If he’s old enough to ask for it”… Does being “Old enough to ask for it” mean a child no longer needs what he/she is asking for? If that thory stands true, then a child who asks for a hug or any other form of affection from a parent no longer needs that.
The world health organization recommends breastfeeding for 2 years or more, the American academy of pediatrics says at least one year and then as long as mutually desireable.
Formula is just like chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese, it’s a processed food. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard of any formula farms.
Quotes from Christy:
“breastmilk was created by GOD to be a babies only food for many years”
I see the word “baby” and not “small child”…..
If this were truly the case, what would be the point of us growing teeth and eating solids at all?? Why wouldn’t we all just nurse for life?
Anna, I wouldn’t suggest you say that to the mother who can’t nurse for various reasons (i.e. milk not coming in). What other choice is there? What a horrible statement that is.
Formula is there specifically for mothers who can’t make milk, but statistically that’s only 3-5% of women. While it’s unfortunate that there are women who physically can’t make milk, it doesn’t change the fact that formula is not a perfect substitute for breastmilk.
No kidding. My wife is unable to brestfeed, so I can’t dare question Christy’s and Anna’s obvious intellectual superiority.
Also laughable is the comparison between us and other mammals when it comes to development. I suppose that would lead us to reproducing as soon as we are able. Maybe all our sons should brestfeed until they are 8, then start having their own children at 14. After all, it’s about what they want!
Again…I don’t agree with comparing formula to processed foods, that’s a bit far-fetched
Wow, as a new mom I can’t believe how horrible women are to each other. My OB was right.
Some of us can’t breast feed because their child will not, even with hours of help from nurses, latch on too. In addition to that they have colic and sucking on a bottle is all that calms her down- she would have my nipple in her mouth 23 of 24 hours a day if that were the case for me. Formula is sanity for us, my husband can feed her while I take a nap after being up all night with a crying baby-
yikes. i can’t imagine 4 straight years or breastfeeding. to each her own, i guess…but i’m still surprised to read so many comments from women who are breastfeeding beyond 1 year or so.
I understand that some women can’t or choose not to breastfeed, and that is a choice that is personal to them, and they shouldn’t be bashed for it, but neither should the moms who DO choose to breastfeed. We know that children need whole cows milk from 1-2 years if they are not on formula or breastmilk, so why would we NOT continue to breastfeed through at least that second year?
To Pam and others:
Please don’t feel guilty, or that you have to explain your choices to these women. I choose to bottle feed my 3 (not fat, perfectly healthy) kids because I wanted to. so there.
and I personally believe it is far more understandable to feed your baby formula than to have a pre-schooler screaming at you to let them suck on your booby, and giving it to them.
If I had the choice between being stuck with memories of sucking on my mother’s breasts or knowing that she did the best she could and gave me bottles…well I think the choice is obvious.
I was allergic to my mother’s milk, and to cow’s milk (no similiac back then!) so I was fed goat’s milk and baby food. and lo and behold, here I am! and I’m not even fat! AND I ATE MAC AND CHEESE!!! what say you to that o’ holier than thou mommas???
Weirded out, you weren’t allergic to your mother’s milk, you were allergic to the cow’s milk your mother was eating. It’s not possible for humans to be allergic to breastmilk.
Anna, you are wrong that it is not possible for humans to be allergic to breastmilk. Some of our good friends had all three of their children with severe allergic reaction to breastmilk and the mother tried cutting out milk, nuts, etc, etc from her diet to no avail. The children had to have prescription formula because the soy alternatives didn’t cut it either.
I agree with Jodie– there’s some vile language being thrown at each other… isn’t it possible to have a discussion about a contriversial subject, without all the mud-slinging???
whatever.
good thing you’re so much smarter than everyone else. whatever would we do? if only you had been there to advise my mother’s poor dr. 30 years ago, I might be so much better off today.
this discussion began over whether or not it is natural, acceptable, understandable to breastfeed a four year old (in America, where there’s mac and cheese to eat, for crying out loud). but of course it had to evolve into breast feeding mothers downing mothers who use formula. like I said in an earlier post, get over yourselves.
btw, the title of this article is “if he’s old enough to ask for it…” let’s finish the sentence. all together now… THEN HE’S TOO OLD!!!!
previous message was meant for anna (the first part anyway)
Let me get this straight:
“he is going to be tramatized, grossed out, and it may even warp his sexuality.” - perfectly acceptable to bash breastfeeders.
“it had to evolve into breast feeding mothers downing mothers who use formula” - not ok to say that formula feeding is not the healthiest option.
Interesting double standard.
I was talking with a wise woman about the fact that so many mom’s live with a constant feeling of guilt… “I’m not doing enough for my baby” or I’m not doing everything perfect”, etc, etc… as I’m resading these comments, those feeling are definitly creeping up in me… I know I’m a great mom, but sometimes other moms can make me feel pretty inadequete.
anna-
I was obviously talking about four year olds, not infants under the age of two. do you have any memories before age two? I suppose that’s possible, since you’re a genius and all.
you’re reaching…try again.
I’m still not seeing why it’s ok to be so rude to the author because her child is older than your arbitrary age of two.
Headline: 4 year-old sucking on his Mom’s Boob.
Wierded Out. I’m with you.
It’s wierd.
The facts:
No substitute for human milk is as good as human milk. It’s wrong to tiptoe around this. We don’t tiptoe around the fact that smoking around kids is bad for them. It’s true that just because my parent smoked around me, I won’t necessarily develop lung cancer. I also won’t necessarily become obese or get allergies or ear infections from having been formula-fed. But both being exposed to smoke and being formula-fed significantly increased my risk of many health problems. (For the record, I’m of a generation where my parents were not aware that these practices were risky.)
The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes that “There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” “Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother” “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.” Read their 2005 statement on breastfeeding: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;115/2/496
From the American Academy of Family Physicians: “Breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is currently not the cultural norm and requires ongoing support and encouragement.” “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.” http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/policy/policies/b/breastfeedingpositionpaper.html
Breastfeeding also provides health benefits to the mother, including reduced risk of cancers and osteoporosis (cited in both the above position papers).
For a quick summary, read: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
All over the world children are nursed until they are 4 or even older. There is nothing at all wrong with it. They wean themselves when they are ready.
btw, the title of this article is “if he’s old enough to ask for it…” let’s finish the sentence. all together now… THEN HE’S TOO OLD!!!!
So all children are too old– my children asked to nurse as newborns by pursing their lips and rooting. One of my children used the sign for milk at 4 and a half months???
I reserve no judgement for those of you who choose not to nurse- why is it ok for you to judge those of us who nurse beyond what you think is appropriate? biologically based of brain size, doubling the birthweight- time of permnament teeth humans were designed to consume HUMAN milk until 4-7 years of age. I believe the anthropologist that did this reasearch was Dettwiller (sp?).
Anyway keep you weirded out thoughts to yourself and get your panties in a bunch over important issues.
I give kudos to the original author- I am nursing my 2 and a half year old- my other children were weaned at 189 months- I am so happy to say that nursing gets better and better each year. My little one is a heathy, independant, caring guy who loves his “nanas”.
Woah, people.
Here\’s Dettwyler\’s fascinating take on breastfeeding the older child in America…
(http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detletter.htm)
And some sage advice from babycenter.com\’s UK site, which warns mothers not to cave in to \”rude comments and criticisms.\”
(http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/breastfeeding/extendedbreastfeeding/
meant to say 18 months - typpo sorry
Good for you mama! I get the same responses, jaws dropping into laps, when people hear that my 4.5y/o daughter still breastfeeds! There are more mama/child nursing combos than people realize. Most are too afraid to admit it for fear of people making ignorant comments (like those posted above!)
I, for one, HAVE met a man who was breastfed until he was 8 years old and definately has memories of it.
He is very close to his family, very independent, and is now a wonderful father to his new baby.
Granted…its only an example of one, but to ‘wierded out’, who suggested that any boy who has memories of breastfeeding will be “tramatized, grossed out, and it may even warp his sexuality” I say broaden your horizons and get out there and see what’s happening in the world. You are projecting your own assumptions and false perceptions on this woman and, frankly, on all men worldwide.
Its a shame that you can’t see that even if it didn’t work for you, it can be a healthy, wonderful thing for this woman and her son.
“Anyway keep you weirded out thoughts to yourself and get your panties in a bunch over important issues.”
how rude. so anyone who doesn’t agree with you needs to shut up, huh?
nice. I thought the point of this here forum was to allow people to post their opinions. well, my opinion is just as valuable as yours, so you shut up.
as for all the people who insist that breast milk is the only milk they would consider giving their preschooler, put it in a cup, for crying out loud. what’s wrong with that? unless you enjoy being sucked on by a child who is old enough to use the toilet and brush their own teeth…gross.
I would love to hear from a grown up, or teenager for that matter, who actually remembers being nursed, and enjoys the memories. again, gross.
As for the suggestion of putting it in a cup.. have you ever pumped breastmil? - it is tiring, not efficient and not as beneficial to the child.
And I would never tell anyone to shut up- please share your opinions, but reserve your judgement please- words like gross are judgemental, rude and cloud what you have to say.
It’s refreshing to see that I’m not the only one nursing an older child, although, I have to admit, I don’t share that knowledge with too many people because of the kinds of comments I’ve read here. It looks like mine won’t be weaning any time before age four.
First of all, I have no recollection of being four years old, so had I been breastfed until then, I certainly would not remember it. I guess I am stupid.
Breastfeeding (choosing to, not to, for how long, etc) is an incredibly personal choice, and while I do not intend to do it until my child is four, I can not say that I wouldn’t. Everyone needs to do what is best in their own situation.
I am VERY happy that my son will spend his younger years in Europe, where he will see breasts (and my decision to breastfeed is not questioned) for what they are.
Extended breastfeeding is all too rare in America. Good for you, and good for your child.
Thank you for running this story. I work in public health and it is clear from the comments from some that we still have a long way to go in promoting breastfeeding. It was great to see this story!
“R” made the comparison of smoking around children to feeding them formula. COME ON! That is just a ridiculously funny comparison, that’s suggesting that formula is BAD for infants. There’s no doubt that breast milk is the best milk but to suggest that feeding infants formula is comparable to smoking around them is laughable. Try again.
I don’t think it’s fair to say “other countries breastfeed 4-year-olds”. Societal standards are different; some things are done in other parts of the world that are not “acceptable” here and vice versa. It’s as simple as that. Different cultures.
Extended nursing for the immunological benefits ALONE is both admirable and wise. Kudos to the author.
See:
http://www.latrobe.edu.au/microbiology/table1.html
Jodie,
Yes societal standards are different but what makes our standards of not accepting breastfeeding at age 4 any better? Why is it that people cannot accept these differences and realize that different is not always bad but in some cases can be a better or equally good way of doing things. I commend this mother for doing what she and her child have found works best for them and sharing their story. Breastfeeding is an incredibly natural thing and it is troubling how unnatural our socity makes it.
I was breastfeeding until right before my younger sister was born. So I was four when I weaned. I have absolutely no memories of breastfeeding. I had no idea that I breastfed that long until we got in a conversation with some friends about extended breastfeeding and they said it was gross and disgusting. My mom leaned over and said, “I wonder what they would think if they knew you were four and still breastfeeding!”
Breastfeed as long as you want. Yes, I do think there comes a time when the child is too old, but I’m certainly not going to choose an age. It all depends on what is best for you and your child. Breastmilk -is- best and it certainly makes more sense to breastfeed rather than switch to cows milk or use formula for an extended period of time.
To Jodie–
Yes, it is fair to say formula is BAD for infants. It increases their chance to die–from infections, SIDS and other things. Yes, breastfeed babies also die from these things-but formula INCREASES the chance that they will. For women who really gave it their all, got help from lactation consultants, doctors and nurses who actually know what their doing, help from friends and family (so they are rested and can produce more milk) and for some reason still can’t nurse, they shouldn’t feel guilty. But in reality formula is bad for babies. Check out all the recalls over the years, check out to stats about babies dying from infections because they didn’t have the added benefit of antibodies from breastmilk, educate yourself on the added benefits to extended nursing. Point is people, if you choose not to breastfeed, your decision–but leave the people alone who are doing it for as long as God intended (which is by the way over 2 years according to all other mammals–Jesus probably nursed until he was 5 or more, which was the custom then and he turned out fine huh?). It’s not wierd, or unnatural. You don’t understand it cuz you’ve never done it, but I don’t understand propping a bottle in my babies mouth so I can run around and do other things. We’ll stop insulting you, but you need to stop insulting us.
Also to Jodie-my son was born at 8.9 lbs. and at 6 WEEKS he was 16 lbs. at 4 months he was 25 lbs. and he was not on anything but breastmilk. He nursed often and I had a great supply-maybe you didn’t produce enough milk or nurse him as often as he should have (every 1 1/2-3 hours at that age) but the size of the baby is not at fault as to why he was still hungry. Just as a side note…he is now 9 yrs. old and 5 feet tall and 70 lbs, completely normal. His sister also gained weight at the same rate and I had to wake her every 3-4 hours from birth to nurse her–all babies have different metabolisms and scheduled feedings do not take that into account. Not that you scheduled your nursing sessions, everyone knows not to do that because that leads most people down the path to not enough milk and therefore hungry baby-but don’t use a babys size as a excuse to add solid food. Because of my babies sizes the doctor recommended NOT adding solid foods until almost the whole first year because they were growing perfect on breastmilk alone.
Well I have been lurking here after a link I recieved from a message board I’m on. I have to say I am shocked at the ignorance of some people. First of all let me ask the people who oppose extended breastfeeding, Do you have medical facts to back up your opinions? Typically if you argue a point then you should have facts and examples to back it up! Us that are for extended breastfeeding do, and could throw all sorts of medical and been there and done that facts at you. So how can you argue that. Yes you are entitled to your own opinion, but you better have some back up if you want anyone to listen. Furthermore, Mothers know what best for their child and should not be criticized for how they feed or raise their children unless they are abusing them. BTW this discussion is supposed to be about extended beastfeeding….not whether you formukla feed or not. Thats another ugly topic for another time and day. Keep focused people….my gosh
my sister-in-law nursed her children as long as they wanted. the youngest nursed until she was 3 or 4. they are the happiest, sweetest kids (now aged 17, 11 and 9), a very close (but NOT weird) family, and all very healthy.
people in this country are so hung up on breasts that they forget what they’re there for.
wtg to the other mothers who are nursing.
My son is 3.5 and is still nursing. he’s been using the sign for milk since he was 5mts. my olders weaned at 10mts and 1yr and i’m sad to say i was too ignorant to continue. my first went for 10 WEEKS of being unable to nurse naturally
FTR….my son you could say is allergic to breastmilk…he’s allergic to many things that would go through my milk. through a diet that avoids those things for me and him he is able to nurse without reaction anymore. (this includes dairy, soy, nuts, eggs, and corn products)
I have to say BEFORE I had my child (4.5 months), and BEFORE I read the research, I thought extended breastfeeding was a bit strange. HOWEVER, after the birth of my baby and looking into his eyes, and reading the FACTS, not just ignorant people’s opinions, I have decided that I will continue nursing my son until he is developmentaly ready to move on. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So, praise to the author for doing what is right for you and your child!
I talked last night with a friend of mine and she said she nursed until she was 5, and another until she was 4. They are both very independent women, have no unnatural attachment issues with their mothers, and are happily married with children.
Does “weirded out” have any personal experience with breastfeeding? I assume not, or s/he would have a more balanced view of it.
Breastmilk is good for baby, it is good for mom, and there is no reason to force weaning. If you don’t want to nurse your child until they’re 4, that’s fine. It’s your kid and your conscience. But don’t assume that since someone DOES they are uneducated or trying to keep their child from growing up. American society wants kids to act like teenagers when they’re barely born. Just ask any new mom, “Is s/he sleeping through the night yet?” is the first question we get. Breastmilk is good for kids, even 4 year olds. If it’s not for you, fine. But don’t harass those who choose to follow their child’s lead.
The view of it being ok for a 4 year old to be breastfed isn’t a balanced view. It’s just wierd.
Hmmm…I don’t know if I am adding anything here, but to me the issue is less about what is “nutritionally best” for the child, and more about our culture of letting kids call all the shots. I had a LOT of freedom and leeway when I was a kid, but my parents also made decisions for me “to help me grow up”. I think the choice to wean at 4 or 5 will be much more traumatic than weaning at 6 months or 1 year or 18 months could possibly be. But I’m not a doctor, so maybe I’m in the dark here.
As far as “defending” the sexualization of the breast…well, it IS sexual. There’s nothing wrong with that. It is also nutritional. That’s good too. Sex is good. Food is good. Period.
Finally, I think each mom should be able to do as she pleases. I was bottle fed, and I have a PhD, am active, independent, and in good shape. I will breast feed because I *want* to. But I also think it is imperative to maintain a solid, sexual relationship with my husband - WE are the couple. Baby is part of our loving family. There comes a time when “booby” will go to daddy again - it’s best for everyone concerned.
To Jon:*****The view of it being ok for a 4 year old to be breastfed isn’t a balanced view. It’s just wierd.******
And why is it not balanced? Do you have some info on it that the rest of us breastfeeding mothers do not? Please….Please enlighned us!!!!
You know it is not for me but BFing is a personal choice. I went till my son was 1 and I could not take the biting any longer. He was a stinker about it. I could not feed until 4. However, the health benefits of BFing are undeniable. I also have friends who could not or chose not too. I also supported thier choices.
Here is a link to a very interesting article about extended nursing for anyonw who wants to take the time to read it…
I am jealous of women who are able to breastfeed because I wasn’t (yes, I am physically incapable of breastfeeding my children). I used to think that it was strange to breastfeed for so long, but I would give my right breast to have been able to breastfeed my children, for one year or four!
However, I do take offense to women who think that formula kills babies because it doesn’t have antibodies or prevent SIDS. Formula saved my babies’ lives, because my body was incapable of providing them nourishment. I also take offense that people assume that my kids eat like crap, are consuming second hand smoke, and are drinking out of a propped bottle while I am out boozing it up, just because I formula feed. I realize that it is not as good for them as breastfeeding. It just sucks that everyone assumes that I am a bad parent because I am physically incapable of providing milk for my child.
So, I don’t have a problem if you want to breastfeed your child until they are 30, just don’t judge me for not being able to.
Europe = great
America = crap
Hilarious how much this thought comes out on blogs.
“Europe = great
America = crap
Hilarious how much this thought comes out on blogs.”
There’s a big reason for it, especially when it comes to parenting and family. The United States has one of the worst work-leave policies in the world (see Judith Warner’s 2/8/07 article in the NY Times), and the policy seems to be an extension of the public’s attitude here toward parenting and children.
Perhaps we should be more concerned about supporting parents in this country instead of constantly bickering with one another on what is or isn’t the best way to raise a child.
Criticizing parents, especially new parents, only contributes to their anxiety about whether they are doing the best they can for their child. The woman writing this article is clearly doing what she thinks is best, and is doing so out of love for her child.
Many posters here would do well to keep that in mind before writing such vicious and judgmental comments.
I surely hope that those of you who have said things that are mean spirited or condesending feel ashamed of yourselves. What purpose do your statements have? Do you feel good about yourself and the way you have made others feel?
I have breastfed, I have formula fed, I have meet fat and skinny people who were breast fed and also who were formula fed. I do not know everything nor do I want to pretend to. What I do know is that I do not have any right or need to tell other people that breastfeeding for an extended amount of time is wrong. I also certainly do not feel it is right to say formula feeding is unhealthy. I commend the OP for having the gusto to write about something so personal. I am impressed with your commitment and determination.
weirded out and jon- if you don’t believe in extended breastfeeding, then don’t do it!
BTW - I feel I can say fat people because I myself am one….feel free to tell me how wrong and insensitive I am for that. No harm was intended, honestly.
ok so I thought of another reason why this “extended” breastfeeding bugs me.
I was encouraged/pressured, by doctors, parenting mags and sites, and other parents, to make sure my babies were off the bottle and drinking their milk out of a cup by age one, and that the pacifers were in the garbage by age two.
now I know a bunch of you are already getting your fingers ready to type about how healthy breastmilk is, but weaning a baby off bottles and pacifers is not just about getting them on regular food, it’s about them growing up. it’s our job to help them along, and give them the tools they need to mature, not give them every little comfort they desire.
anybody would frown on a four year old needing a pacifer to go to sleep at night, why is a breast ok? (put it in a cup)
I am also highly offended that someone would assume that because a mother bottle feeds she props the bottle up and goes off to do other things. so suddenly breastfeeding equals loving mother and bottle feeding equals neglectful mother? I will respectfully refrain from cussing on this forum.
and the woman who said that formula is bad for babies is pyscho and needs help. I feel sorry for your kids. If you’re that crazy, who knows what they go through.
wow I just realized that the propping bottle comment came from the psycho.
go figure.
Chrystal, here’s the enligntenment. Imagine a Conan O’Brien skit where they make fun of the 4 year old sucking on his/her Mom’s boob and that 4 year old is Max Wineberg. Now that would be funny.
Ok *weirded out* let me ask you, would you take a blanket/stuffed animal away from your child just because you thought they *needed* to *grow up* even though they were attached to it for comfort? I would never take away a paci or bottle (if I bottle fed) away just because some magazine or half cocked doctor said thats they way it *should* be. I was taught to trust your insticts and realize that doctors or so-called professionals DON’T ALWAYS KNOW what they are talking about. If you choose to listen to how other people *think* you should do things, well your not much of a mother!! And furthermore, if a mother does prop the child’s bottle up to go and do other things, she is selfish and uncaring and her child is obviously an obstacle in her life, therefor, she should not be a mother!
I think the reason they tell you to get your child to stop using a bottle and pacifier when they are still very young is because using them can mess up the child’s teeth, not to get them to grow up. Additionally, what’s the big hurry to get children to grow up? They will grow up on their own, there is no need to rush it.
Jon, you obviously have some deep issues with women’s breast…So sad that you would be on this discussion as serious as it is and compare extended breastfeeding to a stupid show. I guess your what about 18-25 years old and think the good Lord gave you all these Breast…just for you, right? Don’t worry you will mature….someday!
Is it possible there is more than one right way to feed a child? I breastfeed my baby but do not plan extended breastfeeding because, frankly, I don’t want to go much past a year. But parents can make different choices and still raise healthy kids.
Let’s worry more about the abused children we see in the headlines each week and less about what good parents are feeding their kids, and for how long.
“And furthermore, if a mother does prop the child’s bottle up to go and do other things, she is selfish and uncaring and her child is obviously an obstacle in her life, therefor, she should not be a mother!”
well DUH!!! and not to mention the child could choke and DIE…I wasn’t defending the practice, I was offended that someone would assume I am that kind of mother just because I choose to bottle feed.
and so now I’m a bad mother for listening to the advice of doctors and experts? after all the dr’s and experts who have been quoted on this forum supporting this issue? but if the dr’s and experts disagree with what YOU think on any given subject, then someone is a bad parent for listening. wow.
and I can’t say that I wouldn’t take away an object if my child seemed unnaturally dependent on it. thankfully I have never been in that situation. my kids are strong. they depend on their father and I for love and comfort, not an object, or a booby.
just curious, can someone explain the difference between a bottle and a breast when it comes to teeth damage? I’m not trying to be a smart a** this time, really. I can’t figure out why sucking on a bottle is bad for teeth but a breast isn’t…
Weirded out…I did not mean that you are a bad mother for taking the advice of a doctor or proffesional, just if you live by every word they say…Like for instance if your ped gave you advice to stop giving your child peas because he/she felt as though they contributed to colds…but you knew better. (sorry I should have explained better) And as far as the teeth thing go, breastmilk has natural enzymes that break food down in the mouth therefor does not allow for bacteria to grow which causes cavities and gum disease. Formula does not have that.
Weirded out, I know that breastmilk doesn’t rot teeth like milk and formula can. I assume also that the nipples of the bottle and pacifier somehow physically affect the teeth. Maybe the positioning of the teeth against the nipple or the nipple in relation to the teeth when they suck? A human nipple wouldn’t affect teeth because when breastfeeding is done correctly the teeth don’t come in contact with the breast. Also, skin is a lot more forgiving than rubber or whatever it is bottle nipples and pacifiers are made from.
BTW…..my 3 year old depends on his blanket and bear for comfort. Are you saying he is weak for that? Some children need a little more comfort than others. And that does NOT make them weak!!!! Nor does it mean that your children are *strong* just because they are not attached to something.
I’ll steer clear of the rest of this discussion and comment only on the dental issue. There is a phenomenon that dentists call “bottle mouth” - really really bad tooth decay in toddlers and preschoolers. I used to think it was only an issue for kids who sucked on bottles with juice all day, but apparently it happens no matter what drink (other than water) is in the bottle. And it’s an issue for sippy cups too. Apparently, it’s due in large part to the physical structure of the bottle nipple/sippy spout and how the liquid collects in the child’s teeth, sits there and promotes decay. This is not something that occurs with children who are still on the breast (assuming they are not also using bottles/sippies) - I don’t know if that’s because the breast nipple is structurally different, or if it would be a virtual impossibility (or at least extremely uncomfortable and inconvenient) to have a kid nursing all day long. But just so that I don’t draw a boatload of people commenting that I am defaming the sippy or the bottle, this phenomenon is really only an issue for kids that are CONSTANTLY sipping throughout the day and night. Here is a link to more info from the ADA
http://www.ada.org/public/topics/decay_childhood.asp
I personally have 1 memory from being 4, and it involves a shot and a Dr. office, and was traumatic, probably why I remember it. This doesn’t seem traumatic for the child to me since he is a willing participant, so I would guess he won’t have lasting images in his mind when he grows up.
And D, congratulations for doing what you think is best for your child. I personally wasn’t able to breastfeed sucessfully because my son has an unusually high arch in his pallet, but I hope to be more succesful with the one I have on the way. As for my aprehension that my first (who is 3) will want to BF once he sees his baby brother do it, most everything I have read says let them try.
“As for my aprehension that my first (who is 3) will want to BF once he sees his baby brother do it, most everything I have read says let them try.”
well, that does it for me.
put a fork in me I’m done.
btw chrystal I didn’t say your son was weak, please don’t put words in my mouth. but not needing a crutch to get through life does make one strong, child or otherwise.
Chrystal, I like breasts. But, there is an age for the child when you stop breastfeeding. That age is when the baby can talk.
Chrystal, have a sense of humor.
A sense of humor is ageless.
Conan is 44 years old. So, relax. Have fun.
Wow. This was my first and LAST visit to this site. As to the negativity of the site…how sad that it even has to come to this! I was looking for new information and ideas when I read this blog. I hope that the mothers on this site who are splaying negativity towards other moms are not channeling that energy towards their little ones…kids are very receptive. We should be supporting one another, not BASHING one another! Tragic. I will definitely look elsewhere for other moms to chat with.
“btw chrystal I didn’t say your son was weak, please don’t put words in my mouth. but not needing a crutch to get through life does make one strong, child or otherwise.”
I am not chrystal but I must say that a teddy bear or blanket is not a crutch. Nor does having something to comfort oneself make a child “not strong,” (since you have stated you don’t mean weak I will use that term.) If fact a truly strong child or adult would be one comfortable with him or herself and able to meet his or her needs. Even if those needs are comfort from a non-harmful object. Strength actually involves being able to show weakness and vulnerability, in the more evolved sense anyway.
Oh and as a child protection worker who does deal with sexual abuse issues, a breast is not a sexual object when used for the purpose of feeding a child. That is just silly.
Thank you Megan!!!
Jon-
“But, there is an age for the child when you stop breastfeeding. That age is when the baby can talk.”
My 11 month old says “Mama” and “Dada,” does that mean I should wean her? Do you have any research or facts to back that up? What does the ability to speak have to do with breastfeeding?
Anna,
Research & facts…. blach!!! It’s the comedy in just stating “there is an age for the child when you stop breastfeeding. That age is when the baby can talk.”
Let’s laugh. It’s so much more fun than being dreaded serious.
Jamie,
Is everything solved with support groups? That whole “my feelings are so sacred and challenging an idea from an intellectual standpoint means you aint supporting me”. Waaaaaaaa Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! 
You know, Jon, I don;t think Jamie was referring to the intellectual discussion of this important issue, I think she was talking about the jerks. Do you really think that your comments are intellectual? There are polite ways to disagree and dissent. And then there people who resort to flinging insults when they feel criticized or threatened by an unfamiliar viewpoint.
It is wonderful that you are still breastfeeding your child at the age of four! He will now grow up a scarred, shell of a man…he will love what you have done for him. Sadly many people here in America are so caught up on the sexual part about breasts that they forget what they are for. Even the World Health Organization and the AAP recommend breastfeeding for AT LEAST two years. The benefits of breastmilk do not magically disappear when a child learns how to walk or talk.
I know several people that can recall being breastfed as toddlers….they are perfectly fine. My friend and her sister were breastfed until ages 5 and 6…they are grateful for their Mother’s devotion to them. They are not messed up by remembering it at all.
I will also wait for my son to wean when he is ready, he deserves that.
that should have said *NOT* gor uo scarred.
To Jamie: Please do not abandon this site or the comments. We need people like you to contribute to these conversations. Eventually the trolls will tire of their game and leave, and in the meantime you’ll help contribute to the productive part of the discussion that is still occurring. So please stay, and post!
Sorry for the typos…I am nursing my son.
It was meant to say that he will not be scarred.
Thanks, Crystal. I appreciate your niceness.
To Jon: When you give birth and nurse a child, your opinion will matter. Keep me posted on how that goes for you.
I am currently breastfeeding my twins and wouldn’t change things for the world. They were seven weeks early and it’s been a huge journey to get to the point we’re at. I don’t know if I will consider breastfeeding them until they’re four years old, but I’m certainly not going to pass judgement on a mom for doing what she feels is right.
In an attempt to find some much-needed common ground,can we all agree that there are happy and healthy children who
have been breastfed, formula-fed, or a combination of both. I do feel the need, however, to respond to some of the breastfeeding mothers who preach that their choices are the only right ones or that if you don’t breastfeed your child, you are abusing them. [Disclosure: I now have three children. All three were breastfed for about 6 months.] Even keeping the obvious nutritional value in mind, there are other (valid) reasons women choose not to breastfeed or to wean their kids before they are 5. Yes, many moms do have other things going on in their lives that factor into their decision about breastfeeding (work, other children, illness, pregnancy, preference, or even preserving some time for themselves (i.e., turing over the nighttime feeding to dad for a while!)). In my opinion, acknowedging those factors doesn’t make one a selfish mother. It makes her human.
I don’t think anyone here is denying that there are health benefits to breastfeeding exclusively for the first year or so. But wasn’t the initial post about “extended nursing?” While I don’t know at what age (or that there is one)
it becomes “unacceptable” to breastfeed, isn’t it worth considering the possibility that there might come a time when the negatives will outweigh the positives? Someone here suggested that we should be breastfeeding for between 4 -8 years. To put this in perspective, even breastfeeding a 5 year old means that you are likely breastfeeding a kindergartener. For those who think kids should be breastfed until 8, that means breastfeeding a third-grader, right? I don’t think it’s “ignorant” to suggest that there could be negatives involved. Like it or not, your kids’ peers are going to know they are breastfeeding (pre-schoolers and school-aged kids share everything.) And like it or not, peers matter to kids. A mom considering breastfeeding a 5-8 year old might want to at least think about what effect breastfeeding might have on him/her socially. I would hate to think that a parent would ignore this consideration to make a point.
where was beth earlier? thanks for the balanced approach. this reminds me of the whole working mom/stay-at-home debate. can’t we all find some middle ground?
Regarding the BOOBY issue, I must say that I was very fortunate to have had early warning about this potentially embarrassing problem. I see so many mothers of young infants who find humor (which is so neccesary to surviving the trials of early motherhood) in referring to breastfeeding as Booby Snacks or Tit Time or some other “cute” name — without realizing that eventually their toddler or preschooler will repeat this phrase in public. However, this is not just a problem with breastfeeding terminology. Parenthood quickly teaches you the importance of choosing your words carefully — lest they come back at the most inconvenient time.
It seems, however, that the mother is not bothered by the term herself, and (while I myself have chosen to use only “correct terminology” with my son) prior to becoming the mother of a boy, I would never have imagined myself being so comfortable bandying about in public words like penis, scrotum, anus or the like. It would not surprise me to learn that I and my friends have carelessly left some poor childless adult in utter shock at the coffee shop or library. While my son is not prone to repeating these words in public, I personally would not be embarrassed if he did. Some mothers would be, so it is important to choose words and phrasings that you are comfortable hearing your child say in public (not that the public will be comfortable with hearing — that’s an impossible standard to meet and trying to do so will hamper necessary communication with your child).
Keep in mind that it is most likely that a 4 year old is only nursing to sleep at home rather than throughout the day in public places (with the exception of comfort nursing following significant emotional or physical trauma, which one would hope is not a regular occurrence), so this phrase is most likely now only heard in the privacy of the home.
As to the rudeness of a child demanding ”I WANT BOOBY!”, let us keep in mind that we are talking about a 4 year old. He is still learning to be polite and to make respectful requests, and like every other 4 year old human child on this planet, he is least likely to remember to say “please may I have” when he is emotionally stressed — and early weanings are emotionally traumatic. There are kinder and crueler ways to wean early but there is no way wean a child before the child is ready in a manner that is not to some degree traumatic for the child.
The mother did not say that she was giving the child everything she wanted and caving to every demand. She said that she did not want to turn weaning “into some huge traumatic event” — and this is very wise. Weaning early is a very different thing from saying, “I hear that you want that toy. We are not going to buy it, but it is a very cool toy, and I can see why you like it.” (Which, by the way, is a respectful way to decline a toy purchase. Disappointment is not fun and any age — why make it worse by saying cruel things to your child. A basic rule to live by: Never speak to a child with any less respect than you would speak to an adult.)
Weired Out, I should have expanded on that. Most everything I have read says let them try, as it is most likely that stepping into BF at 3 will leave your child realizing that they like what they have on the table better. If they haven’t been breastfeed for the previous 3 or 4 years then what they will find is HARD work for a LITTLE milk that is watery and weak tasting in comparison to what they are normally offered. I’m just putting it out there, as I’m still on the fence to what my reaction will be if it happens in our household.
Breastfeeding Mom & Jamie,
Thank goodness I can’t get pregnant and breastfeed a 4 year old.
Lighten up. Have fun. There are too many serious people in the world.
I LOVED coming to this blog and reading the articles while I was pregnant (I have a 3 month-old)… however today I feel a bit different about it.
First off, choosing to use formula is the mother’s choice… and sometimes this choice is not always hers to make (i.e. inability to BF or other obstacles). The inability to BF comes with HUGE amounts of guilt.
It is very sad to me to come here and read the strong opinions or bashing of FORMULA here. I already feel guilty enough.
Please don’t assume that just because a baby is bottle-fed that she is not spending quality bonding time with her mother. Don’t assume that a bottle-fed baby is having her bottle ‘propped’. And FINALLY, don’t assume that a mother who was unable to breast feed doesn’t already worry ENOUGH about what her baby might be missing out on not being breast-fed.
It’s sad to me that women… mothers… treat each other with such disrespect. Please remember that you are a parent who will eventually expect your child to treat others with respect. Maybe you should start practicing this ‘respect’ so that you’re able to teach your child the same.
SAD,
Your comment about respect reminds me of Aretha Franklin’s song,
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That was a really funny song.
I haven’t seen ANY bashing of formula feeding per se — just of bottle-propping mothers — which is to say of mothers who choose to forgo the important bonding experience that feeding your child in arms provices. No one said that all formula feeding mothers were also bottle proppers. Some people have labeled bottle-proppes as neglectful or as not-as-good mother. That is a negative assessment, but it may be a fair one. It is also a very different things from saying that all mothers who feed formula to their infants are neglectful. The concern was with the manner in which the formula was given — in arms vs. propped up alone.
On the other hand, formula is a poor substitute for human breastfed. It just is. That’s a fact. It’s tragic that some women are unable to breastfeed, but that doesn’t mean that we have to pretend that formula is just as good as breastmilk. I’m lactose intolerant, but I’m not about to pretend that Rice Dream is anywhere near as good as Ice Cream. It isn’t, but it’s better than nothing. Same with formula. It simply is NOT as good for babies as breastmilk, but is better than nothing at all.
I can imagine that I would feel very sad, frustrated, and quite sensitive to criticism if I had been unable to breastfeed my child. I suspect that I would see criticism where none was actualy expressed. I think that has happened here.
Wow. Breastfeeder vs bottlfeeder; city dweller vs suburban minivan driver; mops vs ECFE attender; costco shopper vs whole foods shopper; at home mom vs working mom; culturaly savy hip mom vs hair cut at cost cutters, casserole mom…. So much to divide us! Really, what we all want are healthy, kind, happy kids right! And not just our own children but all children. When we had our third, our boys were 3 and 4. They had no choice but to be witness to their sisters breast-feedings. This experience probably was healthy for them. Well at 7 months, th baby is on formula (for a couple of reasons - I know I could have continued but well I am tired.) One thing I have to say is that for me, I find formula a little easier… yet way more expensive! Yikes. Yes breast milk is better for her - (feeling a little guilt here) - but we all make choices based on different circumstances. And well, I don’t always buy organic foods for my preschoolers and I know that is better for their bodies - same idea.
I also thought the “when to introduce solid foods” topic was interesting. FYI Not all studies support waiting as long as older studies have suggested. I think the latest study suggested starting around 3/4 months with some type of cereal if type 1 diabetes ran in the family. Can’t remember the exact details, but thought I would throw this out there if someone might be interested.
Good luck to everyone!
I am interested in which study that is… The information that I have read all states the longer you wait to introduce solids, the less likely an allergy will happen. My husband has as allergy to just about every raw fruit and vegetable, so it was recommended by our doctor to delay solids of any kind until atleast 9 months. Here is a good link about why to delay solids.–
I don’t think it had anything to do with allergies - I too have heard that if severe food allergies run in your family it is best to wait….
The idea was starting too early (before 3 months) is not good, but starting too late (after6/9 months) maybe also not be good … Don’t have the time to track down the study but below I found some links that kind of talk on the subject. I think it was also on CNN at sometime, It caught my attention because we do have some family history with type 1….
Somewhere out there there is a study. Good luck!
(From Dr. Greens site)
“In one of the studies, the same thing happened for babies who got no cereal until after 7 months of age. Somewhere in between appears to be the ideal window for starting kids on cereal.”
http://www.nymetroparents.com/newarticle.cfm?colid=7172
http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?xyzpdqabc=0&id=21&action=detail&ref=1690
I will have to look it up, thanks.
I would like to propose that for some children, weaning is not traumatic. Even with assistance from the lactation consultant and my pediatrician, around the 7-month mark my milk production no longer kept up with my son’s appetite. I had a lot of guilt about having to supplement with formula, but he didn’t seem to care. And now I’m pretty mad at myself for spending so much time thinking about it when in the long run it was far from tragic for him. He also didn’t care whether my breastmilk was in a bottle or from the breast. So his weaning was gradual, by no choice of mine, from all breast milk to some formula and eventually to all formula. He’s also 95th percentile and doing great.
There are a lot of strong opinions out here, but the ones I agree the most with are the people asking why moms are so crual to one another. I had a premature baby due to an incompetent cervix, and never cease to be amazed at the women who tell me what I should have done differently, including that it was what I ate, that I worked, whatever, but that his premature birth was obviously my fault.
Stop the blame game, ladies, and focus on your kids. Whichever side you’re on, how productive is it to be arguing here when you could be reading them a book, singing to them, or watching them play?
Let’s not lose sight of what’s really important because we can’t see the other side’s point of view.
The best advice is to follow your instincts, with your doctor’s consult of course. My son adjusted very well to the transition from formula. There isn’t a vegetable I’ve set in front of him that he won’t eat at 17 months.
That’s a topic I am super-interested in. I asked my midwife (in Germany you have a midwife after the birth of the baby for a certain number of visits to answer all questions, help with breastfeeding, etc), and she told me that the baby would let me know when he is ready for more than breastmilk. Good thing she told me to call her any time if I needed more help…
I am in Germany too, Maria..
Just wanted to add my support for extended breastfeeding. One point to remember is at older ages, kids are eating normally and the nursing is usually only once or twice a day for comfort (much like a paci or sippy before bed - only better as he/she is warm and comfy in mom’s arms). I only nursed my son exclusively until he was 6 mos old and then partially until he was 11 months. I work, and I lost my milk. I don’t know if I personally would nurse until four, but not my place to judge.
Also, for the record, if breastmilk pools in the mouth, it can cause tooth decay also. It is sweet! I think the preference for the breast over sippy cups and pacis is because the breast shapes to the mouth better than hard plastic/rubber which can harm the teeth.
Maria says “Everyone needs to do what is best in their own situation”, and that is EXACTLY what our nurse practitioner told my wife and I when she was pregnant. The most important aspect being that you HOLD YOUR CHILD while feding. We bottle fed because my wife works 50+ hours a week. For some families it is not a should we or shouldn’t we breast feed choice, it’s a do we want to be able to pay our bills choice. We depend on my wife’s income every bit as mine, so we decided to bottle feed from day one. I don’t feel that people on either side of this subject have ANY right to bash the other side.
Lighten up!!
I browse through many interesting blogs on the web and the most self-righteous and judgmental people are in the parenting threads, especially those who are militant breast feeders. The indignation indicated by the use of caps and exclamation points is only matched by the trolls on feminist blog threads. Except the parents tend to spell better.
Has anyone seen Jennifer Love Hewitt in the Hanes ads? WOW!!! The baby she has will be well fed.
Agreed!!
At least that’s one thing that was agred on in the blog.
Brent, I applaud you, my feminist brother!
New studies have shown that breastfeeding does not increase IQ as if often said. The IQ of the baby is tied to the IQ of the mother and women who are more intelligent tend to breastfeed, probably for a bunch of socio-economic reasons (more affluent, educated, etc.) During the first six months it is best to breastfeed because the baby gets the anti-bodies it needs from its mother that way, but after that I don’t know that there is any *proof* that breastfeeding is necessarily better, especially if you are feeding your child well in other ways. It’s possible that the healthier babies from breastfeeding mothers are again the result of socio-economic factors rather than the result of the breastmilk itself. (I plan to breastfeed for the first year, by the way.) As far as extended breastfeeding, this is a cultural thing. I don’t think it’s fair to say that because some other cultures do it, it’s automatically better because more “natural.” Saying that something is more “natural” isn’t a really an argument. Define natural? Other cultures do all kinds of things we’d find abhorrent, and yet may be more “natural” (like keeping women in childbearing roles only). I personally sort of resent the whole attachment parenting thing because it keeps women much more tied to childrearing, and I almost see it as a throwback to 1950s housewife in some ways (dad isn’t in there breastfeeding for years). The co-sleeping debate is similar too. Past cultures that co-slept probably found it acceptable to have sex in the same room as children, alleviating some of the negative effects on marriages that co-sleeping can have here in the U.S. Some of the mothers posting here are very self-righteous, and I wonder if they don’t get as much pleasure out of being better than everyone else as they do being mothers.
I am 28 years old and if I’m hungry and want comfort, you better believe my mother’s breasts will be there to give me what I want!! And even though I have not yet found a woman who understands this special bond we have, I don’t mind at all, because my mom is always there for me!!! Cudos to the moms on this board who don’t deny their children what they need!!!
Jason’s point is well taken. At what point does a mother stop breast feeding their child? That’s the big question in this blog.
In the last week, I’ve read about several children thrown down stairs, multiple broken bones in an infant who recently experienced massive surgery, a little girl who was made to mop up her own blood after her skin was boiled off by her parents, and multiple other babies and kids who have been tortured, beaten, and killed by their parents or caretakers. Why are people getting so outraged over breastfeeding issues while this much more critical behavior is continuing or seemingly increasing in our society? When parents take the time to be so cruel and judgmental to each other they contribute to these problems in our society. Parenting is hard, no matter what method or guidebook you use. Perhaps we could spend more time supporting each other, and less time turning up our noses at the ways other people choose to nurture their kids. For kids’ sake.
Amy, you should start a support group for breast feeders. Call it the BF Club.
From a scientific point of view, I don’t really see how extended nursing would really make that much difference after a year or so. The benefits of antibodies and other immunity related things should pretty much be there by the end of a year…think about it…when you get vacinated for something, at most you get a series of maybe 3 shots over several months. Beyond that, you SHOULD have aquired the defense already and more has no real advantage.
In terms of chemical composition, I imagine in this day and age, we can probably simulate the composition of breastmilk rather well. Yes, there are probably “bad” brands of milk, and maybe a bad batch very rarely,,,but keep in mind that breastmilk isn’t necessarily perfect either. You produce what you consume so unless you’re 100% organic, which I imagine few people are…especially with how time consuming a small baby is…and live in a bubble, we eat unhealthy things, we drink, we exist in an environment that isn’t 100% sterile and free of contaminents. Dont think that there’s some super ultrapure all-clearing filter in there that’s preventing any toxins in your body from reaching your milk. I’m not saying breastmilk is bad, I’m saying that it’s not perfect and sterile and sometimes formula may be a better choice or even just as good.
I think the benefit from breastfeeding is, perhaps more importantly, the closeness and time spent with the baby. This can be found by bottle feeding as well. And perhaps bottle feeding offers its own benefits of allowing the husband or partner to take part and have that comfort time with the baby as well.
Some of the people defending long term breastfeeding seem to be confusing the benefits of breastmilk with the benefits of having that evening bonding time with your child. Once children are old enough to verbally ask for things and eat regular food, I think the benefits of breastmilk are pretty much null. They should have all their immunological benefits and have no problem getting their daily nutrients from regular food. I think if the breastfeeding has been reduced to just a nighttime ritual, then it’s time to end it. It’s not being used for sustainence, but for comfort and really, the child should be comforted by you being there, not your breast. And perhaps they delay ending it because they like the time and having you there, and as it’s tied to breastfeeding, they let it continue feeling that if they decide they don’t want to breastfeed, they’ll lose their evening time with you.
As an aside towards bottles and pacifiers, I believe the reason for not wanting children to walk around sucking on them all day is due to the shifting is causes in the teeth….basically, the force of sucking causes the teeth to rotate and stick out a bit. My younger sister had this problem from sucking her tumb, something she refused to stop, Braces were able to shift them back into place, but it’s probably cheaper to stop it earlier before it becomes a hard set habit.
Sorry, Jon. I’m a bottle feeder.
Sarah, there is much information that shows breastmilk does not cause tooth decay, links here: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html.
“n terms of chemical composition, I imagine in this day and age, we can probably simulate the composition of breastmilk rather well.”
Actually, they haven’t been able to simulate breastmilk yet. Current formula is based on cow milk, not breastmilk.
Brent, juse because your wife works doesn’t mean she can’t breastfeed. I’ve worked full time from 8 weeks after my daughter was born and for the last few months I’ve been working 50 hour weeks. My daughter still has not had a drop of formula at 11 months. It’s not the easiest to do because pumping isn’t fun, but it can definitely be done.
Anna, just because one working mother is able to continue to breast feed without “a drop of formula” after 11 months doesn’t mean that all working mothers are able to make that happen. My son was born rather large and didn’t latch on well, so he’s had formula since the day he was born. And he STILL became dehydrated! The day after we brought him home he had to be hospitalized for a few additional days at Children’s. Thank god for formula, he needed then and he needs it now. At 4 months he eats 6 oz. every 2 to 2.5 hours during the day. Try as I might, I can’t pump enough to keep up with him, so he has 1 or 2 formula bottles per day. I’m dedicated to my career, I’m even more dedicated to my son of course, but I can’t make my body keep up with him.
Jodie, I was only pointing out that working full time doesn’t automatically mean you can’t breastfeed. I think it’s great that you are trying to get your son as much breastmilk as possible.
I also am nursing a sweet 4 year old girl. She frequently tells me how much she loves to cuddle and nurse. She realizes that most of her friends weaned long ago, but says it is one of her favorite things to do. Recently she became very ill for nearly 2 weeks and would eat or drink nothing…nursing kept her from being admitted to the hospital for dehydration and liquid nourishment. I am so thankful I was able to put her needs first during the several times when I WAS DONE and wanted her to wean, but she was still insistent. I plan to keep nursing as long as she keeps asking.
I am nursing a 15 month old girl and loving it. I think it is great to hear about all of the Moms that are nursing. I am thinking about getting pregnant the end of the summer/fall and I hope that I will be able to continue to breastfeed but who knows what will happen. My whole philosophy with parenting is to do what feels good for me and my family.
I’m nursing a 4 year old son and I really love to see the support out there for what a lot of people think is weird. I didn’t plan to do this - it has just happened. Each child is different and one thing that I wish people would understand is that it is not the moms that aren’t “letting go” - it’s the kids. In my opinion, as long as the mom is okay with it and the child still needs it…
I have nursed my son of 4 for the 1st 2 years. I stopped completely on his 2nd birthday and was worried it would be very traumatic. Of course it wasn’t easy and i definitely must say i miss the quiet times he used to dose off to sleep, looking into my eyes, while feeding. I don’t regret stopping as I had to work, but i must say that even now, two years on, he still seeks comfort by sleeping on my breasts. sometimes it worries me so i try and avoid it with gentleness, but he seems quite serene about it. i really think that breastfeeding has keep a strong bond between us but sometimes i worry that if it were for too long, it might turn into ‘Odeopus complex’ (not sure i spelt it right). I’m not against any mother who breast feeds for long but especially when the child is male i personally have some concerns
I found this kind of late, but wanted to put my 2 cents in…
I breastfed 2 babies for the first year, and my second for 1 year and 1 month. I was quite ready to end breastfeeding at 1 year old. Breastfeeding is hard work and is not for everyone. I don’t think that makes me or anyone else selfish or a bad Mother. However, I do question why the author and so many others want to nurse for so long. I can see up to age 2, because they still are babies, but 3 and up is just a little much. If you feel the need to still give breastmilk, why not put it into a sippy cup? I know, I have read all comments, and some seem to think that hurts the childs teeth, but I didn’t say let them have it all day and night. Both my babies were started at 6 months with a sippy, and got it with each meal, and snacks. Other than that they didn’t get it.
I have to wonder if the need to still breastfeed past the age of 2 is not a little selfish. We all know breastfeeding helps to keep weight off and helps to drop baby weight faster after delivery. If it is only about doing what is best, then why not pump, even though it is tiresome. If it is what is best…
As to the woman who thought about trying to bf her toddler because they asked. My toddler, 3 at the time, also ask if she could BF when she saw her brother doing it..I politely explained to her that her new brother was only a tiny baby and couldn’t eat anything else, and that she was no longer a baby and could eat regular food. I did explain that she would always be my baby, and I love her very much, but BFing was only for babies. She said OK, and that was the end of that.
When did America as a society become so afraid to tell their children No. Oh no they may have a tantrum and yell..Well I think they will do that anyway..they are children. My now 4 year old is so well adjusted and just an awesome child, she is not jealous of her brother, and she wants to help.
I just still can’t believe that you have all convinced yourselves that you are breastfeeding at this late age for the child. I absolutely can’t imagine bfing my 4 year old, it strikes very weird feelings in me to even think about it. Even though there is no research to support long term effects, I would hate to learn that bfing a yound lady or boy had messed their psychological stuff up.. We are supposed to be doing what is best, and I think weaning earlier is best for the child, because it is less traumatic. It is not a bad thing to wean your child from the breast.
I also liked the post from the 28 year old breastfeeder…lol I am still laughing about that one!!!
Good luck to all breastfeeding Mommies, it is tiresome and diligent work, but it is worth it in the long run!
Oh, yes, I did forget to put this in, I started brushing my babies teeth at 6 months, when we started solids, as recommended by the AAP, or whatever, and they both got sippys from 6 months. Both have gorgeous white straight teeth, with NO cavities. Gorgeous Teeth on both!!!
Imagine That???
I think that there’s nothing wrong with a child still wanting to breastfeed at the age 4 or older! It’s a beautiful way for a mother and child to bond together.
How add your to reds?
