Making Baby: The, uhm, Money Part
Posted on March 28th, 2007 – 9:50 AMBy May Chen
Part 2 of Kyndell Harkness’ journey through IVF…
First off I want to thank you guys for the nice responses and well wishes. They are very much appreciated. As I tell my story if anyone has any questions or wants a little more detail just let me know. I’m here to serve. Okay, back to my story.
After healing from my last surgery, we decided to ahead with IVF. After doing our homework and chatting to doctors, we found out that apparently, pregnancy hormones can slow or stop the growth of fibroids and endometriosis. Since they grow like weeds in me, IVF seemed to have an added bonus.
At the U clinic, everyone has to go to a couple of informational meetings before starting the process. The first was in September. Boy, was that information overload. You’re in this dark drab room with long tables filled with very eager, very serious couples of all backgrounds. And then there was us. We sat up front and poked fun at each other trying to keep things as light as possible.
We thought it was going to be a quick 45-minute spiel and we get a bunch of pamphlets and we’re out the door. Ah ha ha. Silly rabbit. It was three hours with a PowerPoint slide show, charts and figures, and oh my goodness, my eyes are glazing over again. They described the process step-by-step, outlined all the risks, told you what you’d go through physically and emotionally then went back over all the risks again. It was intense.
Then came the jaw-dropper. The financial lady talked about pricing. Now this is according to my husband because I sort of blanked out at this point. The procedure alone is $9,350. There’s about $2,000 of additional pre-screening costs, and the drugs can quickly run over $4,000. Yeah, pretty dang pricey. Jeff thinks we should name the child Cooper because the cash this is costing us could have been a big down payment on the Mini Cooper he’s been wanting. Apparently, he’s the comedian in the family.
After the meeting, I realized I wasn’t mentally ready. I had two surgeries in two years and was finally feeling healthy again. Did I need to go through another attack on my body? I put off making a decision for two months. I worked out with my workout buddy, ate healthy but not too healthy, and had a really good time. I was ready for meeting number two.
It was more details, more slides, more medical terms, warnings and enough facts to spin your head right off. This time, we had a better idea what we were doing.
Meanwhile, we told family and some friends. Most were excited and happy for us. Then there were the extremes. One friend was so giddy at the thought of us having a kid she nearly broke down in tears. Then there’s the friend who had three friends go through IVF and all had horrible experiences. “Do you really want to go through with this? Adoption is so much easier,” she told us.
So, okay, why are we doing this? Why do I feel like I put down $15,000 on the craps hoping for seven the hard way? Ah yes, I remember. I would like to look at this child and see all those family members who have left us. My dad, Jeff’s grandfathers, my grandmother. To see the people we love in this tiny face. The quirks and freakiness that makes us family. I think that’s worth a shot.
To read Part 1 of Making Baby, click here.
81 Responses to "Making Baby: The, uhm, Money Part"
Kyndell blessings on your journey! Some in this blog may criticize your choice because of the cost, but in the end it is all a Mastercard commercial, and the minute you someday hold your child, well, that moment is priceless.
Kyndell,
I wish you the best of luck. Having been there myself, 6 IVF’s I now have a beautiful 7month old. Believe me, she was worth every penny we spent. We will owe money on her for years but the amount of happiness we have received will long out weigh the cost.
My husband and I have been trying to achieve pregnancy for 4 years. We have gone through the charting, the clomid, the injectables, the 6 rounds of IUI’s and 3 rounds of IVF. We did the shared risk program, so we did at least get some of our money back. But, here we are 4 years and $15K later….still at square one. Due to MFI we have decided to try donor IUI’s. We’ve done 3 and three have failed. Would adoption be easier? Yep. Would I always regret not doing everything I could to have children? Yep. Those who criticize IVF have clearly never been faced with infertility or the question “Will I ever have children?”
Unfortunately, insurances won’t cover most medically assisted attempts to reproduce. So, those of us who have to purse IVF pay out of pocket. Those who are not fortunate enough to have the resources to pay for such a treatment are left behind. Yet, he who eats at McDonald’s every day - by choice - gets all his heart tests and surgeries paid for. Explain that to me! Ok, off my soap box on the insurance thing.
IVF is not an easy decision….emotionally, financially, and socially it’s tough on a couple. I wish you the very best.
Kyndell - I am right there with you.
I recently went through IVF. Infact I am still “within” the cycle considering I am still one those lovely intramuscular progesterone shots (only have another month to go - will it ever end) 
BUT - the good news. It worked and it was an experience (though demanding) that really pulled my husband and I so much closer together. It is an experience that I don’t think either of us will forget. Right now I am only 6 weeks pregnant, so not quite out of the woods. But things are going well and I am just looking forward to getting through the first trimester when I will be able to breathe a little easier.
If you would ever like to chat, get the patient’s view of the procedures and what to expect, etc… please feel free to post another comment related to this and we’ll try get in touch.
I never had someone to fill me in on all the details of what I would feel (vs just the scientific stuff) or go through… and would love to chance to inform someone else.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kyndell. None of the choices you’ve had to face are easy, and few of them are easily affordable. I know what you mean about wanting to see oneself in one’s own children, too: it’s something one takes for granted until the option feels like it’s gone. I wish you the best, and will hope for a happy ending.
Kendall.
I can sympathize with the agonizing choices you have to make in this crazy journey through infertility. I am assuming you had a myomectomy? I did as well, ( 2006) and you would think things would happen instantly with getting pregnant after this horrendous procedure, but thats not true. I have gained 30 LBS in my journey of infertility, but I guess well worth it to have a “little one” someday. I am also at the U of M, and I think they do a fairly good job with treatments. Email me if you wish to chat, or have a “cycle buddy”. I know also the ambivalence of paying out that kind of money, yet with no guarantee. I encourage everyone who reads this or anyone that you know to send of a letter to legislation to have insurance cover infetility. Good luck in your treatments, and stay positive, it will happen.
Best of luck to you! We are just beginning the treatment process but anticipate being in your shoes someday soon. I would love recommendations for online resources or chat groups that have been valuable to anyone with unexplained (thus far) fertility. Thanks!
I’ve been there too. You hear all the horror stories but none of the successes. We did the clomid and the IUI for our unexplained fertility, and then chose IVF rather than IUI with injectables. We got lucky on the first try and we’re enjoying our too-cute baby boy now.
And DO check with your insurance- many Medica plans (and some others I’m sure) will pay a portion of infertility treatment costs. Our plan covered 80% of the ultrasound monitoring, blood tests (up to $5,000 year)and our prescription plan had similar coverage for drugs. We did have to pay $9,000+ out of pocket for the actual IVF procedure, but that’s tax deductible. FYI- we managed it with a home equity loan.
I remember being exactly where you were at, the wonderful informational session prior to starting the IVF process.
We took out a loan to start the IVF process for the first time, and my son will be six years old in December, we just paid for him in full last year:). He was our third (and final) try. Everyday I look at him and see our very own miracle.
I also have a seven month old (thanks again to IVF and our miracle worker doctors). This time we were lucky enough to get pg on our first try.
When you look into their eyes for the first time, the money, shots, stress, tears, all the not so fun stuff is forgotten.
My husband says “some people have expensive trucks & vacation cruises…we have Charlie & Alex.”
Best wishes to you & thanks for letting me share our experience. I too will answer questions.
http://www.babycenter.com is an AWESOME resource.
Good luck. It’s nice that our HMO (Health Partners) covers the first 2 IVF attempts. A good friend and co-worker of mine used up both for their 2 kids. This health plan can’t be the only one covering this for people.
You have my thoughts and prayers! I can’t imagine being faced with this decision, and looking at my son, I can’t imagine not doing everything possible to have him. Best of luck to you.
Kyndell,
There are so many things that go into the decision making process before deciding on IVF. If you have decided it is right for you, then go for it. Do whatever you need to do (both of you) to be as mentally prepared for the process as possible.
My husband and I tried it once after several miscarriages, multiple surgeries and lots heartache. Not only did I think it was far easiery than we’d been led to believe, we have now have a beautiful six-month old son. I also used RMC and would be happy offer an insight about the process from the patient’s perspective if that would be helpful. Just post a comment here and let me know.
“Good luck. It’s nice that our HMO (Health Partners) covers the first 2 IVF attempts. A good friend and co-worker of mine used up both for their 2 kids. This health plan can’t be the only one covering this for people.”
I bet you complain that you premiums are going up too. I understand the desire to have a baby of your own but why should I or the other people on your group insurance pay for you to have this procedure…and yes it does cost the people in your group money.
Yes, I think the whole idea of scientifically creating a baby makes no sense but as long as you do it on your dime and not mine who am I to tell anyone what to do.
The bs about having a health plan cover the costs is ludicris.
Kydell: best of luck to you and Jeff. I hope everything works out for you–I can’t imagine two cooler parents! And one very good-looking child, dang!
Brian - the whole reason health plans should cover it is the same reason why health plans cover gastric bypass, foot orthotics, glasses heart attacks, diabetes, etc etc… infertility is a medical condition. Imagine if your last chance to help your heart condition was a triple bypass, but your insurance didn’t cover it. IVF is, for some of us, the last chance we have at a family. No, it is not a life or death situation, but I am trying to stress the magnitude to you as to how hard this is to overcome. Thank you for listening.
Please stop complaining. This was your choice. You could have adopted a baby who needed a home or not had children, but you chose to go this route so just stop complaining. So many other people have so many more serious problems and owe so much more money for things they didn’t CHOOSE to happen to them.
You CHOSE your destiny so please stop whining.
I know how you feel after being married for 13 years and finally wanting to start a family and not being able to was absolutly devistating and hard for us to understand. We decided to try IVF after a few friends of mine have gone through it with success and a few failures and re-tries. We had a slow start with a hopeless doctor who lead us astray and then to Minneapolis at the Center for Reproductive Medicine that has been a God send. They gave us advice and helped us every step of the way. We had to go through almost a year of testing and surgerys before finally we went through the IVF last week. I am hoping to be carrying twins and will find out next week. It has been a very expensive, trying, emotional roller coaster but I am hoping once I am holding my child(ren) in my arms the trials and tribulations will all have been worth it.
I agree with Brian when he said:”I bet you complain that you premiums are going up too. I understand the desire to have a baby of your own but why should I or the other people on your group insurance pay for you to have this procedure…and yes it does cost the people in your group money.”
The rest of us should not have to pay for this. It is an absolute waste of the health care system. There’s people who can’t see a doctor for serious health care treatment like cancer and you whine about insurance not covering your IVF treatments? You need to wake up and stop being so selfish. If you want a baby through this route, YOU should be prepared to pay for all expenses associated with it. I am sick and tired of all this whining from women who want to create babies through artifical methods.
Brian, thank you for bringing this whole issue to light because I am going to start advocating against insurance companies paying for this crap. I can hardly get my insurance company to pay for necessary medical treatment, so why should they pay for treatments that are NOT medically necessary.
My husband and I went through all of the infertility treatments possible before IVF. After many much discussion and prayer we actually chose the adoption route instead of IVF. Our beautiful daughter is now 14 months. But, adoption is not a cheap process either. One good thing about paying the money for adoption is that you are almost guaranteed a baby in the end. I would, however, never discourage anyone from choosing IVF. It is a very personal and emotional decision to make. Please don’t let anyone’s negative (or often naive) comments get you down. And, most importantly, don’t sweat the money stuff. You and your husband have a very strong desire to be parents and so you have to go about it differently. Adoption is certainly not cheap and I know of people still paying hosptial bills from giving birth. So, I say go for it, stay positive and keep dreaming of holding that little baby in your arms. There really is nothing better!
“It is a very personal and emotional decision to make.”
Isn’t that the truth? So, why is it OK to fund and promote fertility treatments and create a bunch of embroyos that will later be thrown away, but abortion is “MURDER”? I’m sure the same people who rave about the positive aspects of IVF are the same ones who rail against abortion.
It could be argued that abortion is also a very personal and emotional decision to make but then everyone whines that a “baby isn’t a choice.”
Hypocrites. Nothing but hypocrites around here…
No one chooses infertility, any more than they choose cancer or heart disease or miscarriage. And adoption, wonderful as it is, is not cheap either.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view-until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” –Atticus Finch
Jen, don’t get your knickers in a twist. These women are morons. I hope they all go broke in their pursuit of having a baby. On second thought, no I don’t or then we’ll have to pick up the tab when they file bankrupt.
I am totally lost here. I thought that when you did anything like this, especially IVF, insurance doesn’t cover a penny?
I am also torn on this issue because my wife and I are having issues getting pregnant and we could never afford anything like IVF, and there are people who need a very simple, common medical procedure but they might die because they can’t afford it nor can they afford insurance, yet there are people paying the prices of cars for this type of procedure (I always thought it was closer to $40,000 for IVF so I was wrong there, too).
I used to take the “playing God” argument with this type of topic, but the focus here is “the, uhm, money part” so I won’t pull out the God card.
I am not trolling, I am just trying to spark as many perspectives on this topic as I can.
Sounds like Jen does need some extra medical help….for her head.
Been there too. I’ve given my wife about a hundred shots. Did the easy part of “giving samples” then sat on the sidelines trying to be the emotional supportive guy. Paid a ton of money while my buddies went off to play in Vegas and bought toys for their garages. Went through the stress of waiting, wanting, hoping for the day I can get off the emotional roller coaster. I saw my 5 cell baby in a picture before it was put in my wifes uterus to attach itself, …if it could.
I watched my mom go through life-saving arterial bypass surgery, she’s still recovering. Stitched up my 2 years old sons lip after an accident at day care. Buried my dad. Now my wife is about 5 months pregnant and somehow things are still good.
My point is who cares what others think about IVF and the money’s not important at the end of it all. The important thing is doing what is best for you today and handling it the best way you can. Things happen that turn your life in different directions. It’s a bonus when you can have a hand in turning it the direction you would like.
I never really knew what a miracle kids are until I had one of my own. Best of luck with your family.
“the whole reason health plans should cover it is the same reason why health plans cover gastric bypass, foot orthotics, glasses heart attacks, diabetes, etc etc… infertility is a medical condition. Imagine if your last chance to help your heart condition was a triple bypass, but your insurance didn’t cover it. IVF is, for some of us, the last chance we have at a family. No, it is not a life or death situation, but I am trying to stress the magnitude to you as to how hard this is to overcome.”
I understand it’s a medical condition and you understand it is not life or death, so tell me why I should have to pay for you to have a baby? Whether you are part of my health care group or not your usage does reflect in my premiums. The more an insurance company has to pay out the more they have to collect…from everyone.
Having a baby is not a right, it’s a privilage, a privilage I should not be required to pay for someone else to have.
Again, I don’t care what you do with your money or if you want to pay to have 6 babies, I just don’t want to have to pay for it.
Most people that do IVF can afford it or take loans out for it. Most insurances do not cover it, and we know before going in to it the risks and costs. We go through couseling. Some of you apparently have no problem having kids. You should not cast stones unless you have gone through it. Everyones case is different and for you to wish failure and for us and to go bankrupt is a sad thing for you to say. Some of us will never know what it is like to have children, to have a family when we are older. I might never know what it is like to have grandchilden. Is there a reason God wont allow me to have children the old fashioned way? Perhaps, but technology has made way for it to maybe happen. Just like someone that is ill, technology can help them. We go through enough motions without self serving people like you to talk down to us. Get off your high horse until you have gone through it dont judge.
Eating at McDonald’s is a priveledge too. And I don’t want to pay for that person’s heart bypass, but I get to. While that person CHOSE to contaminate their body, no one chooses infertility. He created his life and death situation. Not my fault. Just like infertility is not your fault and you don’t want to pay for it.
Have children isn’t a right or a priviledge, it’s a blessing. Those who are capable of caring for, loving, and nuturing children should be given the chance to have them.
I’ll say it again - - anyone who is bashing this woman or IVF has obviously never been faced with infertility.
I wish you the best, but want to mention an alternative if you are not successful. This is also a route to check out for anyone reading who can’t afford IVF. Check out this website:
http://www.popepaulvi.com/
I don’t want to get into why some are for or against IVF, but just want to put in a plug for another alternative to help achieve pregnancy. Since the Catholic Church ruled against IVF for it’s members, some doctors worked hard to find alternatives to the common path reproductive technology was taking. The result is that many women who have struggled with infertility have had success in consulting with the Pope Paul VI Institute. The reason is that many infertility doctors are treating the symptoms, whereas many testimonies of women at the institute say they finally got treatment for the underlying condition that was causing the infertility.
I’m no expert - I wish I could do a better job of relaying the joy of some couples I’ve heard from/read about who have finally had their dream come true after spending thousands on other methods that have such a low rate of success.
You many also want to research what they call NaProTECHNOLOGY.
Just another option for you. I hope you’re able to have a baby soon.
P.S. Brian who posted at 1:22pm is a different poster than the earlier “brian”.
“…anyone who is bashing this woman or IVF has obviously never been faced with infertility.”
Uh, HELLO?! I AM infertile, but that’s OK. I would love to adopt a needy child, but I can’t even afford to take care of myself. I have no medical insurance, but I have tons of student loan debt. My husband and I owe so much money for our student loans, we can hardly take car of ourselves, let alone a child, and I do not expect anyone to pay for our CHOICE of going to grad school! So why should we pay for your CHOICE to have children through unnecessary medical treatment??? I can’t even go to the dentist or doctor and I have colitis! So don’t you tell me this has anything to do with infertility. It’s economics 101. Pure and simple. If you want it, you should pay for it.
This has nothing to do with the overall message of the story, just a slight correction to make - as a craps player, I just wanted to point out that there is no such thing as a “seven the hard way”. Hard 4,6,8 and 10, but no 7 - as a hard way implies rolling a pair, of twos, threes, fours or fives…
Oh my goodness. I am shocked at the anger displayed here. I was able to get pregnant rather easily, and am forever grateful for that. I can’t imagine having to go through this, and clearly a lot of other posters on here haven’t faced anything so devastating.
I certainly hope no one they’re close to has to go through this.
Good luck with your IVF process. I hope the earlier moron Brian, and the equally repulsive Jen choose not to reproduce.
Why is a stupid story like this even in the paper? Could it possibly be to stir up trouble?
I agree with the minority on this “mommy blog”, if you want a baby through IVF, be prepared to pay for it…with your own money.
The paper should be doing a story on why people in today’s society feel they are “entitled” to things that really aren’t privileges, yet constantly try and take rights away from others.
It’s amazing people can get so bent out of shape over something so trivial and stupid as this “mommy blog.” You should read some real news.
And yet Carrie, you’re here as well…hmm.
“Unfortunately, insurances won’t cover most medically assisted attempts to reproduce. So, those of us who have to purse IVF pay out of pocket. Those who are not fortunate enough to have the resources to pay for such a treatment are left behind. Yet, he who eats at McDonald’s every day - by choice - gets all his heart tests and surgeries paid for. Explain that to me! Ok, off my soap box on the insurance thing.”
What a brilliant analogy. It’s like comparing apples to bananas. It makes absolutely NO sense. Time for a reality check. And then people wonder why our insurance rates rise…
Boy, I can certainly tell who has or wants children versus those who have no kids, want no kids, and shouldn’t have kids.
WOW. I’m amazed at the ignorance and cold hearted remarks from some people. I used to say I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy, but some of these comments make me want to reconsider………..
Could our insurance rates also have something to do with the MILLIONS in compensation that the highest ups in the insurance companies receive each year? Just a thought.
Good luck with your IVF! I look forward to hearing more updates!
“WOW. I’m amazed at the ignorance and cold hearted remarks from some people.”
You are naive to think something like this can be posted in a public forum and not spark debate. If you expect everyone to say “Oh, how great! I hope you have a baby” then an article like this shouldn’t be posted in a public forum. I don’t think anyone has anything against people who want to have babies through IVF. They just do not want to pay for it…through insurance rate increases, bankruptcies, etc.
Yep. I’m also naive enough to think those who want children should be able to have them.
Shame on me.
First I want to wish Kyndell the best of luck. I just had my 3rd IVF and am now 10 weeks pregnant. Secondly, 99% of the costs came out of my own pocket. But those lucky few who have insurance who will pay for it should benefit. My analogy is this:
My neighbor wants to smoke. The result is lung cancer and all the tests, surgeries and medications that go along with it.
I want to have a baby. I can’t on my own. The result is all the tests, surgeries and medications that go along with it.
Now everyone, which does insurance pay for the majority of the time? Which is harming one’s life (and others) and which is creating a beautiful new life? This is where I have a HUGE problem with our insurance companies.
Also, everyone, if you aren’t in this situation and never have to be say a prayer of thanks and leave the rest of us alone. There is no need for the name calling and rude remarks. Thank you!
What does everyone go ga ga over babies? Why can’t anyone ever have an intelligent conversation without somebody saying “That’s mean. Be nice.” Intelligent conversation isn’t always nice?
How many of you who support IVF, are against abortion? I bet you pull out all stops when it comes to that issue. Where’s the “play nice” mentality in that debate?
“Where’s the “play nice” mentality in that debate?”
How many of these same posters posted mean things about the Muslim employees at Target? If memory serves correctly, one even alluded to the notion that their smell can make a pregnant woman puke.
I obviously support IVF and I am also against abortion. Not that I need to reassure you, but I do have 3 frozen embryos left from this last cycle. Don’t worry, they won’t go to waste. When I decide to stop having more of my own, the remaining will be donated to a good home. (other parents in my situation)
Infertility is not a “choice” and for people to be so harsh and say that it makes their premiums go up is mean. The reason you have medical insurance is to pay for medical conditions. Whether some medical conditions are more life threatening than others shouldn’t even be a factor. You shouldn’t be denied treatment of a medical condition of any magnitude. Many insurance companies do not pay for IVF but there are a lot that do help out with at least some of the costs of infertility treatments. If you are paying for medical insurance you have the right to seek medical treatments for a condition no matter what it is. It is not a like a person who has fertility issues is seeking a nose job or some other elective surgery. So what about people who seek counseling for addition or marriage problems? Should they be denied coverage for counseling because of “choices” they have made. What about a person with HIV or AIDS? Should they have to pay for their own treatments because of “choices”? I think that when you post comments that are insensitive on a topic that is so difficult for women to cope with is so rude. Everyone has the right to their own opinions and I just think that infertility is not a “choice” it is a medical condition. I just don’t think you should judge something as a “choice” when you haven’t experienced it for yourself.
“I think that when you post comments that are insensitive on a topic that is so difficult for women to cope with is so rude.”
This is exactly why women get paid less than men. Please don’t say such stupid remarks and set the rest of us back 50 years. If you don’t have enought of a backbone to discuss things like an intelligent PERSON — woman, man — than go cry somewhere else.
Melissa, you rock! People do seem to be forgetting that medical insurance covers all kinds of physical and mental treatments for patients, regardless of the cause or severity. That’s what medical insurance is for, to help you get through difficult medical situations, even if it isn’t life or death. And, for the record, the vast majoriy of IVF treatments are not covered by insurance anyway, so it’s a non-issue for those who are so riled up about it.
“I just don’t think you should judge something as a ‘choice’ when you haven’t experienced it for yourself.”
Just like you shouldn’t “judge” those who choose to have an abortion. You don’t know their situation, nor do you want to adopt the child they are carrying.
“This is why women get paid less than men. Please don’t say such stupid remarks……….”
Yes, Jen, please.
You set women back 50 years just by that stupid comment.
Megan,
I’m very pro-choice. I went through multiple IVFs with no sucess. I am now the proud mom of a baby girl through domestic open adoption. I believe in reproductive rights, whatever they might be. So I guess I don’t fit your awesome generalization.
I wasn’t generalizing. I was describing one of the people posting on this board.
“I am now the proud mom of a baby girl through domestic open adoption.”
Good for you!
Some of you take things way too personally. No one is saying IVF is wrong or that you shouldn’t do it. What they’re saying is, you should pay for it yourself. Big difference.
For the author and others who have gone through this treatment, I can’t imagine what it must be like. Especially when so many judgmental comments are thrown your way during an already stressful time.
Since the author of the article is paying for her own treatment, I’m not sure what the point is for arguing about the cost, and whether insurance should or shouldn’t cover it. But I’m a sucker for a good discussion, so here’s my 2 cents anyway.
Not many insurance companies pay for IVF, and for a logical reason. Yes, infertility is a diagnosed condition, but IVF does not make you fertile, it just provides the opportunity to have a child. You’re still infertile, even if IVF works.
I would be interested, however, to see how much higher the premiums are for a plan that covers infertility vs. the same plan that does not. For a group health plan, I’m guessing the premiums are not much different, maybe $5 a month more, if even that. When premiums are on the order of $1000 per month, there are much bigger contributors to the cost than whether the plan covers IVF.
I used to work for an insurance company, and it was interesting to learn that a lot of the “gold-plated” plans didn’t have much higher premiums. The big difference is the type of plan, like open-network (where you can see any doctor), EPO/HMO where referrals are required from a PCP, or hybrid plans where you have to be “in-network” but don’t need referrals, as these attributes affect the cost to insurance companies a great deal more than whether one particular procedure is covered. My point is just that if you’re looking for a scapegoat for higher premiums, it is doubtful that IVF users have much at all to do with that.
I agree with Crystal. The vast majority of IVF treatments aren’t covered by insurance plans. Mine certainly weren’t.
What about men that need treatment or surgery for erectile disfunction? What about birth control coverage, including getting your tubes tied or vasectomies? Should expensive, elective treatments like that not be covered by medical insurance?
As Crystal, Adrienne and others have demonstrated so admirably, it\’s possible to discuss hot-button topics in a thoughtful, constructive way….so, thank you. Just when things seem to be getting out of hand, Cribsheeters always seem to rise up and restore our faith in humanity…
“Good luck with your IVF process. I hope the earlier moron Brian, and the equally repulsive Jen choose not to reproduce.”
I think many of you, certainly this person missed my point. I know much more about infertility than I care too and I don’t have to go into how or why.
My point is/was that I don’t care if you choose to use IVF, I just don’t think insurance should pay for it as someone earlier stated proudly that their plan did.
Some of you are taking my view as an attack when it is far from it. Instead of insisting that others see your view, you should maybe be open to theirs.
Crystal is right about insurance, I also worked for insurance or I’d have the view that they should pay for everything. No, one IVF won’t really affect my premium nor will one vasectomy..but many will. Obviously there are higher drivers..terminal illness, premie babies you name it. There is a difference between those treatments and infertility treatments In My Opinion.
Feel free to use me as a scapegoat for your infertility and the high price to treat it…oh, you never said that did you.
Brian,
What about my question above?
“Men that need treatment or surgery for erectile disfunction? What about birth control coverage, including getting your tubes tied or vasectomies? Should expensive, elective treatments like that not be covered by medical insurance?”
“Please stop complaining. This was your choice. You could have adopted a baby who needed a home or not had children, but you chose to go this route so just stop complaining.”
Whoa! This comment makes me laugh and realize that some people just take things too far - I know Kyndell personally and she is anything BUT a whiner or complainer. Just a little FYI.
Unless you have experienced the heartbreak of trying desperately to become a parent you really have no business weighing in here.
For those people that are lucky enough to get and maintain a successful pregnancy it is a true gift. For those of us that need help, the journey is anything but easy and you can’t be selfish and go through IVF. It requires too much from both partners to ever be considered a selfish act.
Kyndell, I hope you ignore the, mean-spirited, uninformed, vitriolic crap spewed here and take the positive energy from those of us that have been there. Good luck with your journey.
“Unless you have experienced the heartbreak of trying desperately to become a parent you really have no business weighing in here.”
If you expect me to pay for this garbage, you bet I’m going to weigh in. Believe it or not, people endure a lot more heartbreak than just not being able to have children. You’re going to get a baby, either through IVF or adoption so just stop b*tching!
“Whoa! This comment makes me laugh and realize that some people just take things too far - I know Kyndell personally and she is anything BUT a whiner or complainer. Just a little FYI.”
Uh…this is a public forum. When the blogger decides to write something like this, she should be prepared for all sorts of responses. Positive and negative. Of course, most people posting responses don’t know the blogger. However, she did write a story about the high price. If it wasn’t an issue or concern to her, she wouldn’t write about it.
I think some people need to get thicker skin. Perhaps all the hormones you’re taking are interfering with your judgment.
Perhaps Kyndell wrote this blog because responses to the first blog asked questions about the cost. It seems to me like she was simply responding to an interest from readers.
Kyndell good luck on your Journey. We had friends go through IVF and were successful on thier 4th try. I hope you are blessed with your baby!
And the crib seems to be in high form and seems to be getting off track here a bit as I even went back and reread the article twice now to see if I can find her saying someone else should be paying for this. I do not see he bitchign about payig for this. Sticker shock yes. When the bill came from my 2 surgerys this year I was more then a little sticker shocked too! And insurance did pay for most of it.
Kyndell is walking us through her journey. From the beginning to the end. So yes it includes the money part as well. I hope it ends with a + beta for you!
“Uh…this is a public forum. When the blogger decides to write something like this, she should be prepared for all sorts of responses. Positive and negative.”
You’re right - I just wanted to clear up any confusion on the complaining issue. I think what Kyndell wrote may have been misunderstood by some, I just wanted to round that out.
We did IVF through the U clinic. We have healthy twins now, but had a very scary pregnancy. Of course, I’m very glad we have both our boys, but I do wish the risks of having twins had been more clearly outlined for us. We might’ve considered only transferring one embryo had we known we would almost lose both of them. Best of luck to you.
I don’t think anyone was attacking Kyndell personally. I think the conversation got off track when someone brought insurance into the discussion (i.e., IVF should be covered). Insurance + high costs for treatment = disaster.
If you are all concerned about insurance costs and would like IVF covered, maybe you should re-think who you vote for. Perhaps you should vote for a President who isn’t in the pocket of the insurance and pharmacutical companies. Maybe then people wouldn’t get so riled up over insurance premiums, etc. etc. and maybe then you wouldn’t be shelling out so much money for IVF.
best of luck to you Kyndell–i can’t wait to hear your progress. i’m really surprised at how many couples struggle with infertility and choose this difficult route to parenthood–i’m not sure that my husband and i would have the strength to do the same if we issues conceiving.
wow. some people are so rude, it really is amazing. where is all that rage when it comes to things that really matter? all these posts about rising insurance costs, but instead of attacking poor infertile couples, why not place the blame where it belongs, on greedy corporate execs and their payrolls? how about the government who refuses to stop insurance companies and healthcare providers from operating like for-profit corporations? blue cross blue shield reported a net PROFIT of over 65 billion dollars in 2006. do we know what PROFIT is? these soulless greedy white-collar jerks are raking it in hand over fist, and you blame your high rates on infertility treatments?
and the posters who compared ivf to procedures done to correct 100% preventable conditions were absolutely right. I would much rather help pay for a couple to have a desperately wanted baby than help pay for an alcoholics liver treatments, or a drug addicts methadone, and those things happen everywhere, everyday.
that being said, I should also state that if I were challenged in this way, I personally would feel compelled to help a child who is already here, and motherless, and desperate. I would spend that money bringing home a starving infant from a third world country.
best of luck to the op, and all infertile couples. babydust to all!
I wish you both luck.
I will not enter the debate about the worthiness of IVF - I have never experienced infertility. However, I want to echo what some posters have said about the joy of adoption. Many (10-15 or so) of my friends and coworkers have become parents through adoption and I see no difference between their level of love and devotion toward their children and the love and devotion I have toward my biological children. None whatsoever.
The bittersweet experiences of motherhood are profoundly rewarding and can happen no matter the route you take. Again, I’m not saying anyone should quit their IVF (or other types of fertility) attempts - that is none of my business. I just am very pro-adoption and believe that my husband and I would have chosen that route were we not able to have biological kids. I say this simply to be encouraging and supportive in the event you might still consider adoption.
Bottom line - I hope you realize your dream very soon!
I can understand the need for adoptive parents; several family members have chosen that route. However, I understand even more the desire to carry and give birth to a child. I don’t think anyone is necessarily “wrong” or selfish to exhaust all possibilities before going the adoption route.
“…all these posts about rising insurance costs, but instead of attacking poor infertile couples, why not place the blame where it belongs, on greedy corporate execs and their payrolls?”
Again, maybe people should re-think who they vote for and WHY. If you’re this poor and can’t afford IVF, don’t vote for a party who caters to the rich. The rich can afford IVF so they don’t need to worry about insurance. You do. Think about it the next time you cast a vote for someone solely because of one or two social issues.
Megan,
Do you really think that people who go through IVF are from one political party? That’s a pretty big leap. I know many families who have gone through IVF and/or adopted, and they represent a wide variety of political, ethnic, and religious backgrounds. All types of people have to make difficult decisions about how to build their families.
I think it’s better to try to understand their situation rather than be angry about someone else’s family building choices.
This blog is at times very frustrating to read. Some people have thoughtful, insightful, ON TOPIC comments. Other people bait, are easily baited themselves, and/or resort to negativity and OFF TOPIC remarks. Really, why can’t people “play nice in the crib?”
I realize I am off topic now and I am sorry for that. I just wish the comments in this blog were more respectful toward others. I am NOT suggesting we should all necessarily agree with one another. Lively debate and discussion is a great opportunity to learn and be heard. But, could we also be respectful toward each other?
You’re on a blog, not a NPR program,thats what happens. Anyone know what the Vikings did today? Not looking good.
Kyndell, Wishing you luck from someone you know way-down-south in the Sunshine State. We’re going through much the same thing, but haven’t gotten to the point where we have pursued IVF. We’re still kind of on the fence about doing that - largely because of the expense. I’m with you that I want to have children in which I can see the traits of ourselves and past family members, but I have a hard time with spending all that money only to risk both the fiscal and emotional expense of failure and have to spend the same amount - at least financially - again for adoption. For us there’s also a health risk involved, as my wife has a medical condition that would make a pregnancy high risk for both her and the baby.
Again, we wish you luck. Stay strong and don’t let the naysayers get to you. They’re entitled to their opinions, but we all know the old addage about opinions… (That pithy remark ought to spark someones easily-ignited temper! ;-)). We’ll definitely be checking in on your blog from time to time to see how you’re doing.
P.S. If you want to correspond by e-mail, ask Beth’s Dad for the e-mail address I use to talk with him… I don’t publish that e-mail address on websites.
Kyndell, I hope you are weathering this storm of debate well and keeping focused on the positive. As you know, my wife and I are expecting our own child in July. We were lucky to easily get pregnant and feel so fortunate.
I’ve found the back and forth banter about insurance premiums to be pretty silly. Our health insurance industry is deeply flawed, but as it stands, it exists to cover medical procedures and health costs. Sure IVF is elective. So is having our baby naturally. We chose to get pregnant and are lucky that my insurance is paying for everything. Anyone can attempt to have a child and fund it on their own. We chose to have health insurance. It’s what you pay for.
My grandfather that chose to smoke cigars all day, everyday of his life, despite knowing how they would ravage his body, had his lung cancer treatments paid for by his insurance. Probably by many non-smokers. Was that fair? Yes, it was. Health insurance is an elective system to cover health related costs. When you opt in, you are agreeing to pay for everyone else’s insurance. Same as auto insurance. You may be the safest driver in the world, but you are funding the worsest drivers out there by paying your premiums. If that bothers you, opt out. It’s pretty simple.
Stay stong Kyndell. When youre testing for your black belt, I assume you’ll have a little more “oomf” in your kicks.
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