TV reporter and guest blogger Angela Davis reminisces about her year as a Stay-at-Home Mom.

 

My name is Angela Davis. I’m a morning news reporter at WCCO-TV and a 38-year-old mother of two. My son Kevin is 5 and my daughter Charlotte is 3. I’ve been married for 11 years. In October of 2005, I left my job at another Twin Cities station and spent a year at home with the little ones.

Okay, here’s the deal. If you are a mother of young kids and working full-time outside the home, life is hard. If you are the mother of young kids and staying home full-time, life is hard too. At the end of the day, you are equally exhausted. I know this for sure after having a taste of both worlds.

My first few months of being home were, in a word, “weird.” I am someone who is constantly writing out “to do” lists. In this new world of a stay-at-home mom, there wasn’t a real time frame for getting things done. It was more like an “if I am in the mood to do this today” list.

My husband and I pulled the kids out of daycare while I was unemployed to save money. My first reaction was to try to recreate their daily activities at home. That didn’t seem to fly. Somehow having Mommy try to lead circle time was a joke. We ended up spending most of the summer exploring parks and playgrounds in our neighborhood. I became an expert at loading up my bag with juice boxes, granola bars and grapes, plus extra clothes and lots of wet wipes. By the end of the summer I could slap on sunscreen at record speed.

What surprised me most is that I really did get to know my kids better than I already did. What made me happiest was seeing them spend time together and truly become best friends. At their day care they were in different age groups and different classrooms. At home they were able to be together all day and night. 

But even in the happiest moments, I always felt a sense of loss. I missed the rowdiness of the newsroom. I missed being able to focus on something that had nothing to do with being a mother. I missed the other part of myself.

I’ll always remember watching people’s reaction when I answered “What do you do?” with “I stay home with my kids.” It was often followed by an apologetic “Oh. That’s nice,” which I interpreted as “Oh. You have no skills.” It made me wonder if I had unknowingly done the same thing to other women.

I now suspect I’ve probably failed in being fully appreciative of my stay-at-home sisters. It’s a tough job. Despite being surrounded by the constant chatter of little voices and comforted by countless hugs and kisses throughout the day, it is easy to feel isolated.

One of the ways I fed my need for adult conversation was hosting dinner parties at my home. I invited my closest friends, mostly moms who worked full-time. “I know you are busy,” the e-mail invitation almost always went. “Come to my house. Bring your kids and your husband. I will do the cooking and the cleaning. Take this offer while it lasts and while I have time to do this.”

I had a wonderful time connecting with old friends and they seemed to really appreciate having a meal cooked for them and a chance to take a break and breathe.

I’ve read stories about the Mommy Wars and the divide between working moms and stay-at-home moms. Why do we feel the need to judge each other? Most of us are just doing what we need to do  to keep our sanity and our marriages intact. What works for you doesn’t have to work for someone else.

Now that I am back at work, I miss being at home when my kids wake up in the morning. I miss running around with uncombed hair and no make up. But now I am convinced more than ever that I need both. Time to be me, a working journalist, and time to be Mommy, a cooking, cleaning, disciplinarian playmate. And if you have time to judge me, then clearly you are not taking care of your own affairs.

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 30th, 2007 at 9:07 am and is filed under Family Life, Guest Bloggers, Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.