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A Tropical Hiatus

Posted on June 6th, 2007 – 4:59 PM
By May Chen

DSC02239.JPGWe’re back in Minnesota. After three weeks of white beaches, sunshine and our annual bear hug of a family vacation.

Sigh.

First, the news of the day. It looks like the Strib is close to its target of 50 newsroom buyouts so I apparently still have a job to come back to. The bad news? I still have a job to come back to…(just kidding, boss.)

I always get this way after a trip home to see my family in Malaysia. 26 hours each way? No problem. Jetlagged babies? Nursing works wonders. But every time we turn around and head back to Minnesota, I start asking myself those questions with no answers: Where is home? And what’s life all about anyway?

Those of you who live far from your families - whether they’re in Kalamazoo or Kuala Lumpur - know what I’m talking about. You can plan all you want, but love, work and family don’t always fit neatly in one place. I’ve lived in seven cities including in Asia and Europe but it’s only now - with babies in the picture - that the world seems bigger and the distances further.

Even with annual trips, there’s always the warming-up period. This time, the older girl leapt into her grandmother’s arms and started chattering non-stop but the little one - just 17 months - held out a week before she’d even let Grandma hold her, two weeks before she’d laugh and play. And our entire holiday was only three weeks long.

Then there are the inevitable Travel Emergencies. Three years ago, there were the giant mosquito bites that flared up and caused one eye on the kid to almost swell shut. Two years ago, it was a tummy bug. This time, the little one broke out in heat rash all over. These things wouldn’t matter as much if our time together wasn’t so short. 

But we’ll take what we can get. As usual, we hit the beach for a few days with a 30-something strong army of aunts, uncles, cousins and kids to where the sea felt like a sea should - like a warm bath. As usual, we ate too much, Malaysian street food being some of the best in the world. The toddler became adept at stuffing handfuls of breakfast noodles into her mouth. Back in the city, the kids ogled at the bustle - always new skyscrapers, new highways. When the traffic and crowds got too much, we headed out on daytrips - to an elephant sanctuary and on a hike up to a crazy, swaying bridge strung a hundred feet up in the rainforest canopy.

As always, the babies attracted a lot of attention. In Minnesota, they look particularly Asian. In Asia, they look particularly Caucasian, prompting cries of “Putih!” - “So white!” - from strangers.

I remember something our minister said at our wedding five years ago, in my in-laws’ backyard in Red Wing overlooking the Mississippi. A century ago, he said, one would have married the girl or boy in the next village and lived there forever more. He looked at us - the Malaysian woman and the Minnesotan man - and proclaimed: “This is the way the world is going.” At the time, I was vaguely mortified - he deviated from the script! - but now I appreciate the significance of what he was talking about.

Maybe there isn’t one answer to Where is Home. Just different Homes for different times in life. 

17 Responses to "A Tropical Hiatus"

Mary says:

June 6th, 2007 at 5:25 pm

Last year I moved from MN to Olso, Norway to marry my Norwegian husband. Now we are expecting our first child in about 44 days. I got to visit my family back in MN in April and it was really hard to come back to Olso because I miss the face to face contact I have enjoyed with my family in the past. But now I am concentrating on getting through this pregnancy as best as possible, and though I miss my family a lot, my home is where my stereo is, and it has always been that way, be it where I grew up, on campus in my college years, and in my first apartment as a single woman. Now it is in Olso, and though I miss my family a lot, I know that I really am at home here, especially with my husband and soon I hope our little baby girl.

Samara Tilkens Postuma says:

June 6th, 2007 at 9:05 pm

Welcome back.

Home is such a relative term isn’t it?

Different homes, different times, different lives.

Tobi says:

June 7th, 2007 at 1:06 pm

Welcome “home,” May! Sounds like the trip went well.
I have the same issue, even though I’m not nearly as far from my family (mostly in New England) as you are from yours. I think one of the hardest things about being more than a 2 hour car ride from them is that when we are together, we are REALLY together, and usually for a LONG time. I envy my friends who can see their parents/inlaws/siblings more frequently — and also envy that they get to make quick and easy escapes when the family dynamics begin to overwhelm me! When we visit with my family we often will stay for quite a few days — long enough for people to begin getting on each others’ nerves — just like old times!

shruti says:

June 7th, 2007 at 1:27 pm

Being a 2gen kid myself, it was always so confusing and difficult to be plunged into this total other world after growing up in Minnesota. Many of us 2gens will probably share the same feeling of not feeling home in America because we look “different” and not feeling home in whatever country our parents immigrated from because we are “too American/western.” It brings all these feelings of where do I belong? Americans say I’m too Indian, Indians say I’m too American. I never fit in anywhere.

But one day when I was in India, I realized I had walked down a street without anyone staring (even when I wear Indian clothes, people tend to stare at me. My mom says its something about the way I walk–more confident or something? I don’t know) and it was a mix of emotions–I almost missed being “unique” but I was exhilarated to fit in.

stephens_mom says:

June 7th, 2007 at 4:15 pm

I moved to Oregon when I was 19 and met my husband there and married him and we lived there for 6 years. We moved back after our 2nd was born. Now we are in the middle of moving back to Oregon. Itis hard to face moving away from my family again. Though for Dennis he is moving home again.

So one of us will always be away from family and it is hard. Now I am just tryingto make it easiest on our 4 children.

Maria says:

June 9th, 2007 at 5:07 pm

We live about half way between our families– his in Houston, mine central MN — for two months of the year and in Europe for the other 10 months. We have become accustomed to “home” being wherever the two of us are, because most of the time, that is all we have (we call our families, etc, but as far as contact, it is just the two…er, three of us).

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