My friend John e-mailed recently to arrange a dinner with all of our college friends. He was prompted by a remark his little boy made. They were reading a bedtime story and his son paused, looked up at him and asked “Daddy? Do you have any friends?”  John answered “Just the ones I neglect…” 

I bet that rings true to a lot of us busy new parents out there.

Over to your right it states that Cribsheet is for parents who are changing diapers and changing priorities. Well, a huge shift in priorities that happens when you become a parent is with your friends, both with and without kids. Gail Rosenblum’s article from Saturday’s Source discusses new parenthood and how it effects your friendships.

I now have been on both sides: I used to be the childless friend who just didn’t “get it.”  I used to called on short notice and plan get togethers at late hours of the evening. I didn’t understand why my girlfriends couldn’t meet for lunch at noon. What was the big deal with nap time anyway? And yes, I did get frustrated with the abbreviated phone calls and conversations with a distracted friend who had a toddler dividing their attention. I now “get it.”

Maintaining your friendships is important. Crucial. But dynamics definately change when there are kids in the mix. You need to make a lot of adjustments to your expectations. Plans may be canceled at the last minute, you may run late due to an unexpected diaper blowout, or you may need to cut an outing short. It’s just reality. 

When we were childless, one way Peter and I would keep in touch with our friends was to babysit for them. It was a win/win all around. We were able to spend some time with them on the front and tail ends of their evening while helping them out at the same time (plus we were free)!

Another thing a group of us has done throughout the years is “International Night.” We get together about every other month. It’s a theme dinner and everyone is assigned a different dish from a country chosen by that month’s host.  It’s planned far in advance so there is plenty of time to arrange a sitter - or many get one sitter and share the cost.

I am also involved in a book club. That’s my guaranteed one night of seeing a group of girlfriends each month (although, there is no guarantee that everyone was able to read the book).

Maybe the phone doesn’t ring as frequently, the calendar may not be as full as it used to be - but with your good old friends when you do get together, you pick up right where you left off. (even if you left off 16 months ago…)

How have your friendships changed since baby arrived, and how do you maintain them?

This entry was posted on Monday, June 25th, 2007 at 9:03 am and is filed under Family Life, Main, Related Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.