Choosing the Male OB/Gyn
Posted on July 5th, 2007 – 10:35 AMBy May Chen
Okay, I didn’t exactly choose him.
My regular (female) OB was booked out until mid-August and the clinic suggested I try calling another location in the Twin Cities to see if I could get in sooner for my IUD consult.
So I called a suburban location. It was a Monday. Yes, they could give me an appointment with Dr. G, the sole guy in the practice. He had times available Tuesday or Wednesday. Yes, this week. Can’t make either of those? Well, he had openings Thursday and Friday too.
Now my primary care doctor is a guy, and he does the yearly pap smears and breast exams. My second baby was delivered by a worried-looking male resident who showed up at the last minute. So I’m not squeamish - but just as you’d rather eat at the restaurant that’s packed every night, and not the one with the empty tables….you don’t want to go to the unpopular doctor.
Dr. G turned out to be a middle-aged, bespectacled fellow who spent quite a bit of time asking about me and my background and my family. Quite different from my usual OB, who’s always rushing in and out. He talked through a book of colorful pictures of my innards and described how the IUD worked by constantly irritating the smooth lining of the uterus - “like the inside of your mouth” - to thwart both egg and sperm. He whipped out a clear plastic bottle holding the white plastic T-shaped device with a double-stringed tail. In another bottle, he even showed me a metal coil he “took out of a Chinese woman.” (That was slightly bizarre, and probably prompted by my Chinese name, even if my lineage took a 100-year detour via Malaysia).
He told me I was an ideal candidate for an IUD - stable relationship, mother of kids with no plans for more. And, I might add, one tired of fiddling with pills and condoms.
I’ll blame my reporter’s lack of restraint, but I just had to ask. What’s it like to be the guy who’s never the first choice? ”It’s great,” he answered, somewhat unconvincingly. The clinic, he said, was filled with young women OBs working part-time because they had young families. He gets the spillover. He shrugged: “I’m the designated hitter.”
Which I thought was a great line.
Cribsheeters, would you go to a male OB/Gyn? And has anybody had experience with an IUD? Pros? Cons?
43 Responses to "Choosing the Male OB/Gyn"
I see a male OB. My plan was to go through my pregnancies with midwives, but after two losses we switched to an OB who could do some testing. He was a good hand-holder but also was honest about our situation and I felt comfortable with him, so I saw him throughout my first pregnancy and will at least see him in the early stages of this one.
I had a bad experience when I was in labor with a male OB that was on duty. Let’s just say he was a little more rough then my female OB and did not have a good bedside manner. That was my first and last experience with a male OB, no matter how good the recommendation is.
My new doctor is male, and I find him fantastic. Great sense of humor, and put me instantly at ease, which was difficult as I had been having so many issues previously with the staff I was about to change my insurance so I could switch clinics. I couldn’t be happier.
As for the IUD - I’ve heard almost entirely good things about them, except for a friend of mine who just became pregnant after 7 years on an IUD (it must have slipped). But obviously, that’s very rare as I understand it.
I have had both female and male OB/GYNs and find my male doctor to be a much better fit for me. Since there is always a female nurse in the room to chat with during exams, it’s comfortable and he is very knowledgable. He’s much more upfront and takes my concerns more seriously than previous females doctors have. I plan to use my male doctor when I have children.
I prefer women because 1. their hands are smaller 2. their gentler 3. they’ve been there, done that. I will see a man if I have to, but have yet to meet one I would choose over any women I’ve been to…
As far as IUD’s go, I had a friend who had one once and she bled and bled and bled. For like months, until she finally had it taken out. That’s probably rare though. My problem with them is that they don’t prevent conception, just implantation, and that bugs me…
I also go to a mostly young female OB/Gyn office. There are two male OBs in the practice and both are wonderful. As you mentioned, the females are all part-time with busy family lives of their own (which I can appreciate), but the two males are older with grown children. I saw one of the men for a prenatal check and he spent tons (relatively) of time with me. He even called over to the hospital anesthesia department when I asked a question about epidurals that he couldn’t answer. The other man ended up being on call the morning my son was born and I had a great experience with him too.
I used to think I would only prefer a female OB, but after having such good experiences with the two male OBs in my clinic, it doesn’t make a difference to me now.
I also go to a mostly young female OB/Gyn office. There are two male OBs in the practice and both are wonderful. As you mentioned, the females are all part-time with busy family lives of their own (which I can appreciate), but the two males are older with grown children. I saw one of the men for a prenatal check and he spent tons (relatively) of time with me. He even called over to the hospital anesthesia department when I asked a question about epidurals that he couldn’t answer. The other man ended up being on call the morning my son was born and I had a great experience with him too.
I used to think I would only prefer a female OB, but after having such good experiences with the two male OBs in my clinic, it doesn’t make a difference to me now.
I can’t speak for a male OB/GYN, because my daughter was delivered by a female certified nurse/midwife, whom I absolutely adored. But I also love my IUD. It hardly hurt at all to have it inserted, and there was only bleeding (very little) for a couple of weeks. It was working once it was inserted, and when we decide to get pregnant again, I’ll be able to as soon as it’s removed. I love not remembering to take a pill, because who has time with a newborn to take a pill?
I would feel very uncomfortable with a male ob/gyn. As April suggested, female ob/gyn’s have “been there and done that.” As with everything, though, choosing a physician is a matter of personal preference.
IUD’s are amazing. The best thing EVER. I don’t give a darn who puts it in. However my midwife was able to put mine in the first time and the 70 year old male on call I got took about 20 min.longer than my midwife. I dont think it has anything to do with gender. Their sex has nothing to do with how good they are professionally and folks, that’s all that really matters!
IUD’s are amazing. The best thing EVER. I don’t give a darn who puts it in. However my midwife was able to put mine in the first time and the 70 year old male on call I got took about 20 min.longer than my midwife. I dont think it has anything to do with gender. Their sex has nothing to do with how good they are professionally and folks, that’s all that really matters!
I’ve used a copper IUD for 12 years. No complaints, except insertion. Never given birth, so it was excruciatingly painful. But, if you’ve given birth, you should be fine. I was better after half an hour. And much improved 3 hours later.
My dr. is a male and I adore him. I first saw him because, like May, he was the only one open. That was the best thing that could have happened to me, he took my complaints seriously and was the first to discover after 2+ years of issues that I had an ovarian cyst and the onset of endometriosis. A few years after that, he delivered my first child. He was always professional and patient. I liked the fact that he wasn’t an “on call” dr. and made every effort to be at all of his patients deliveries, which is more than a lot of other OB’s would do. I wish all of you ladies have the great fortune that I have had in finding him - he truly is the best out there!
New in town; how do you go about finding a good ob\gyn? Had IUD years ago, had not given birth either and insertion was painful. It also got “lost” in my second year, never did know what happened……good thing there has been improvements.
I ended up with an male Ob/GYN after all the females were booked. Best thing ever. After 2 years of pain he listened and did not think I was crazy. For the first time he also asked about the mental issues from chronic pain from endometrosis, once they figured it out. He performed my surgery and even called me at home to ensure I was ok. When you are desperate sometimes good things happen.
My OB/GYNs have both been men. Loved both of them! The second one is here in Minneapolis, and is such an awesome person. Even saw him out at a bar once! 
All-around great guy and great/supportive physician.
I used to be one of those who would only see a female doctor. Then I developed very painful ovarian cysts. My symptoms didn’t fit the usual pattern and I was misdiagnosed by 7 different female doctors. Most of them didn’t listen when I told them everything I’d tried that hadn’t helped. I finally went to a male doctor. He didn’t know what the problem was right away either but he didn’t just try to give me a prescription for the same medication that didn’t work the last time. I’ve been seeing the same doctor ever since.
As many have mentioned, it’s very much an individual relationship between the doctor and patient. That my only bad experience with an ob/gyn was an older man, I just chalk up to luck of the draw, rather than his sex or age. I love my current Doctor as she’s the only one who’s really put together the symptoms, and asked the all important question “what are your periods like?” rather than “are your periods normal?”.
I didn’t know my periods weren’t normal for years. My sister-in-law had a similar problem - even after 4 full- grown kids, she’d never been asked that, and now finds out that she has a severe case of menorrhagia. So do both her daughters, and now they know it’s not “normal” either and can be properly treated.
I agree, it’s all about personal experience. I had a terrible experience with a female OB that I needed to see in the absence of my regular doctor. I felt I was treated like I wasn’t as strong as she was, and that I was woman so I should suck it up and roar.
As my husband and I are now trying to conceive, my (male)doctor has been so good with me and my husband as well, asking so many great questions, and providing us encouragement and comfort when needed. Male or female, peace of mind is what it’s all about.
As far as IUD’s go, I had one for around a year before deciding to have it removed in order to conceive. I know this is not typical usage, but at the time I decided to have it placed, I thought kids were awhile off. A few comments about it: First, I was able to have it removed and conceive without any problems, so that was good. Second, my husband said he could feel it, and that it was slightly irritating. And third, insertion was not good for me. Granted, I had not had children, so that might make a difference, but it was very painful to me, and the (male) doctor kind of just left me there to recover from the blow on my own. Then, I had a lot of pain the first few periods after placement to the point where I went to urgent care one time. But, after the first few months, it was more normal… just slightly heavier periods.
Also, I have since gone to a different male OB whom I liked a lot. The only reason I’m not still going to him is that he is always running late on appointments. Instead, I found a female OB who is on time, but not as nice to talk with nor does she seem as knowledgable.
If I closed my eyes during my exam or when I talk to my doctor, I couldn’t tell if either were male or female. Both had gentle hands and were very thorough with answering any questions that I had. The only difference with my male OB is that he gives me a hand to help me sit up after my exam.
I am comfortable with my male OB, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have the same parts as me. He is highly educated and values what my needs are. That makes a difference IMO.
I have a male OB who is absolutely wonderful. I went through two years of fertility issues. When I started I was seen by a female NP who specialized in infertility. She was highly insensitive about what it is like to go through fertility issues, including covering the wall in the exam room with pictures of her 3 beautiful children. Once she left I got the male doctor an my experience turned around. It is about relationships, how well the doctor listens and how they treat you so much more than it is about gender, I think.
I love my male OB he delivered my last baby and he performed our D&C this Feb and he held my hand while I cried and took the time I needed. I also had a male OB for my first baby 10 years ago. Loved him too.
I have been seeing the same male OB/Gyn for about 5 years and have referred half a dozen of my friends to him. Everyone agrees he is one of the best doctors they have ever had. I only wish he was also a generalist, a dentist, and every other kind of medical professional! He is the gentlelest, most professional doctor I have EVER been to. So as others have said, I think it’s more about the doctor/patient relationship and learning to trust whoever you see. Male or female, I don’t think it matters. I was referred to him originally by a friend of mine, so that helps establish trust from the start.
I had a female nurse practitioner and a male OB when I had my son. Throughout my pregnancy, I saw them at alternating appointments. Neither of them were there for the birth, though. I just had the oncall OB, a female. And she was great! Although, I think I would have let the janitor do the job at that point–anything to get that baby out of me!
My regular male OB was on vacation when I delivered my son and I had the female “on call” OB at the hospital. Not only did she not understand the the particulars of my pregnancy, she also dismissed my excruciating pain I was experiencing and did nothing to calm my pain or my fears of being an 18 year old soon to be mother. 48 hours later, I gave birth to my son and never saw a female OB after that.
HUH??? Been there done that? I’ve seen both male and female OB/GYNs and all of the men have been fathers. Can’t write the same thing about the women - many single and childless. It’s difficult to understand why women would discriminate against anyone based on gender.
Doesn’t anyone besides me feel its immodest to have another man (aside from a husband or boyfriend) looking at their vagina? Personally, I think its immodest and I find male obgyns to be a bit pervy for even choosing to be an ob/gyn.
I don’t think it’s pervy at all. The human body is very scientific. Watch the expression on your doctor’s (male/female) face. It’s calculating. Not oggling. My doctor isn’t coping a feel during the exam, he is doing what he was medically taught to do to ensure that my body is in the proper condition.
I’ve had both female and male OB/GYN’s. I’ve had a mixed bag with the females. About 50% of them have had the “been there done that” attitude and dismissed questions or looked at you like “you’re a woman why don’t you know this?”
At the end of my 2nd pregnancy I saw a male OB at the practice because he had an opening that fit my schedule and I LOVED him. He listened. He was on time. He didn’t rush my appointment and when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and debating a VBAC vs a repeat c-section he gave me his card with his office number and told me to call with any questions I forgot to ask and that he’d give his nurse instructions to put me directly to his voicemail if he wasn’t available.
I think it does depend on the dr–not the gender. But it has been my experience after seeing about 3 female and 3 male OB’s during my 3 pregnancies (you get whoever is on call to deliver the baby at my practice so they prefer you meet all the drs before at your appts) that because the men have not ever personally experienced pregnancy etc they seem to listen more and try to understand more than the female drs I have seen.
IUD–no personal experience but I plan to try one myself after this pregnancy.
I assumed the “been there done that” was referring to being a woman, not giving birth…
I wouldn’t dismiss all male OBGYNs but will say that when I was 21 I had some bleeding problems. I went to see a female physician’s assistant gyno (she was great), and she went into the hallway to consult with the supervising (male) GYN. The door wasn’t shut firmly, and opened a crack while they were talking. His response to my pain and bleeding, at 21 years old? “Tell her to get a hysterectomy or deal with it!!”
Ummm…right. (The PA did NOT relate his comments to me and I pretended i hadn’t heard.) I just can’t imagine a female doctor saying that (or a good male gyn worth anything, but they’re still never going to be able to remember being a young woman!) — I’ve always gone to a female in the years since and everyone I’ve told the story to has been horrified by that doc.
I have had both male and female OBGYN’s and I definately prefer having a female, I guess I feel that being a female she can understand everything more.
As for the IUD - I had one put in at my 6 week appointment after my first daughter was born. It hurt like a dickens for about a day or so (maybe that was because I was still healing from giving birth). After that it was fine for about 1 1/2 years, then I started having problems ie. painfull cramping, painful intercourse, pain, pain, pain. It turned out that the IUD slipped and I got an infection, I was told by my OBGYN that it would have to be removed and I could never have another put in again.
Funny, when I was pregnant I had no problem seeing the male OBs in the group practice. (I was encouraged to get to know everybody since I had no idea who would be on call to deliver the baby.) Gender ended up not being a factor at all in choosing which drs. were my favorites. But now that I’m being seen for routine matters, I prefer a female GYN.
As for the IUD, I have a Mirena and would recommend it. I have actually stopped menstruating–haven’t had a period in about 3 yrs. But I’ve also developed ovarian cysts (not sure if that’s related or not–seeing my new female GYN next month) and I think I’ve conceived at least two times (and miscarried very early). I’m not sure how I feel about that and plan to have it removed when my husband has a vasectomy later this year.
Men get a bad rap in OB/GYN. Personality is everything as well as education and compassion. It must be someone who is concerned with the family as a whole. I think seeing a Certified Nurse Midwife is the best of all worlds. A midwife can handle ANYTHING and if consultation is needed, it is there for the asking. Midwives make the expereience more about you and your husband versus the doctor and their ego.
IUD’s as I understand inhibit fertilization.
Men get a bad rap in OB/GYN. Personality is everything as well as education and compassion. It must be someone who is concerned with the family as a whole. I think seeing a Certified Nurse Midwife is the best of all worlds. A midwife can handle ANYTHING and if consultation is needed, it is there for the asking. Midwives make the expereience more about you and your husband versus the doctor and their ego.
IUD’s as I understand inhibit fertilization.
When I was 18 about ten years ago and had just become sexually active I asked my Doctor for Birth Controll pills and told a little white lie that it was because I had a lot of cramping when I had periods. Later that appointment when he was doing my pap smear he made an comment to the effect of your not a virgin. Since then I have avoided Male Doctors at all cost. But after reading these post I have began to think that it was the person and not the gender. On that note when I had my daughter I saw a few nurse midwives and had different feelings of comfort with each one.
I just had my IUD removed after having it for a year. The insertion was ok - a bit of cramping over the first few days. But I had off and on cramping after that for the entire year which was really uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure at the time if it was the IUD but I felt instantly better when it was removed and haven’t had any cramping since then (it’s been about a month). So it definitely was the IUD. I was really excited about it but I guess my body didn’t like it. Too bad…
My OB/Gyn is male. The only reason I started going to him was because he had an opening the day I called. I keep going to him because of how great he is. He is hands down the most caring doctor I’ve ever gone to.
I had an IUD inserted after my youngest was born, and have been mostly happy with it. I have had some unexplained bleeding and spotting though, so it isn’t perfect.
Sarah said “Doesn’t anyone besides me feel its immodest to have another man (aside from a husband or boyfriend) looking at their vagina? ”
YES!!! I’ve had to see male OBs for prenatal visits, but those are non-invasive, so it’s been ok. It definitely creeps me out. The only guy who gets to know me that well is my husband!
I have had both male and female OBGYN’s. I definately prefer my male OB.Prior to getting pregnant in 2004, I only saw female doctors. However, my cousin is a nurse OB and she referred me to this male OB and I wouldn’t change a thing. He found a huge fibroid, which explains why I had a hard time getting pregnant etc. He was informative, understanding, funny, caring, etc.
I choose not to have an IUD (my husband had a vasectomy), but my OB told me up front that an IUD isn’t perfect. He said most women cramp and have a lot of bleeding in the first year, but if you make it through that time period and nuisance, an IUD is a good option.
Add me to the list who are fine with a male OB, but prefer a female GYN. I have difficult pregnancies that allow me to meet all the doctors in the “on-call” circle. When I spent some time in the hospital on magnesium sulfate, it was the male OB who noticed and cared that I was incredibly uncomfortable and hadn’t slept in days.
However, I am very uncomfortable discussing birth control with a male doctor, particularly an older male doctor (I feel like I’m talking to my Dad). As an alternative to the IUD, you might consider the Nuvaring– it has lots of the advantages of an IUD, without the hassle of needing a doctor to insert and remove it.
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