Since spring, medical reporter Josephine Marcotty and I have been working on a series of stories about the business of in vitro fertilization, or making babies using pipettes and petri dishes when nature fails. It’s been a fascinating reporting journey and we hope you’ll be as intrigued as we were by the stories. The first, on the growing use of donor eggs, runs in the paper Sunday. The second story, on insurance coverage for IVF treatments, runs Monday and on Tuesday, we document the growing competition amongst IVF clinics. We hope to have a lively discussion on Cribsheet as the stories run. Here’s Josephine’s perspective:

Conceiving a child is an intensely personal and private act - whether it’s at home in bed or in a doctor’s office.

And being unable to do so sometimes brings with it a heartbreaking combination of shame and grief.

That’s one of the things that made this series so difficult to report. We talked to dozens of women who related their bitter and disappointing struggles to get pregnant. Many described their sense of personal failure at not being able to conceive a child. Somehow they had failed their husbands, their families and their own futures. And they had to grieve the children they would never have - again and again. Every attempt and every failure to conceive was yet another death.

So no wonder almost none of them would speak publicly about their decision to use another woman’s egg.  They worried how they - and their children — would be judged. They were confused about what and how they would tell their children about their conception. They didn’t know how they would feel if they ever met their donors - and their children’s biological mother.  

After spending weeks reporting on infertility, its clear to us that the technology and all the possibilities it presents are streaking way ahead of our ability to understand and accept what it provides.  Five people can have a hand in creating one child (Egg donor, sperm donor, carrier, and two parents who may or may not be biologically related to their child.) Our perspectives on this are colored by intense emotions about who we are, what makes us human and whether its genes that make a family.  

Maybe we should go back to the basics. What does it mean to be a parent?  I keep hearing the words of Linda Hammer Burns. She’s a psychologist at the University of Minnesota who counsels couples who are thinking of using egg or sperm donors.

“I tell them that it’s their job to get to know their children,” she said. No matter where their genes come from.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 19th, 2007 at 9:47 am and is filed under Main, Related Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.