Random Acts of Toddler
Posted on December 7th, 2007 – 10:39 AMBy May Chen
Guest blogger Kim DeShaw writes about a situation many of us can identify with…
Imagine this. It is 2 days before Thanksgiving, and I am at Super Target for the second time, shopping for all of the essentials I’d forgotten the first time.
Pumpkin. Check.
Cream Cheese. Check.
Kids…Wait. No kids. I am at Super Target by MYSELF! This hasn’t happened in months! My husband seemed to sense that I had too much on my plate to make this trip with one or both of our kids, so he kept them at home.
Sweet, sweet silence, not to mention room on the cart seat for my purse!
I was really enjoying rushing through my well organized shopping list, eager to get home and started on my Pumpkin Cheesecake, (Thanks Emeril!) when I ran into her in the baking aisle.
You know her, you’ve seen her.
She’s the mom with the screaming kid. She was obviously doing the same as I. Shopping for things she could not do without with the grocery stores closing for the holiday.
Daughter was strapped into the seat of one of the big monster carts, kicking, screaming and flailing about.
She wanted to go a different direction. The mom patiently told her that no.
We made eye contact, I gave a knowing smile and said “Let me guess, she’s three?” Mom just nodded and said “Yep, she turned three last month.”
Fifteen minutes later I was paying for my groceries and she was a few lanes down, more stressed now, and daughter was still throwing a fit.
Now being that it was right before Thanksgiving, you can imagine that Super Target had more lanes open than normal, all with customers paying for their goods.
You could see heads shaking, and you could see parents whose face clearly said “Glad it’s not mine.”
Others were indifferent, and others clearly sympathetic. My own cashier told me that if her kids ever acted like that she would smack them.
I’ve been there in her shoes. I’ve abandoned a cart with an apology and walked out with my son. I’ve also relented and put a toy into my cart, only to sneak it to the cashier saying “I don’t actually want this” when it came time to check out.
I’ve even walked in and out of a Target approximately 14 times trying to win a battle of wills with my son over which kind of cart we were going to use. Ultimately I had to get in, get what I needed and get out, but with a normal cart (at 32 pounds he wanted the cart with the infant seat) and without screaming and crying.
What do you do when it is your kid? What do you do when it isn’t? Roll your eyes? Or do you do what a stranger finally did for this frazzled mom? She walked over and asked if the girl would calm down if mom held her.
Mom undid the straps and held her, daughter calmed down immediately, and the stranger pushed this mom’s cart to her car.
I only wish I had thought of that.
Read Kim’s blog here.
9 Responses to "Random Acts of Toddler"
Oh can I relate to that. My son used to be so sweet….until he turned three! People always talk about the terrible twos. We never had that we now have the “Are you possessed by the devil threes?”. I am totally sympathetic when I see other parents out at the store and a little one is throwing a fit. I think it’s really sweet that someone helped this lady out at Target. We need more of that. Does anyone else think it’s a little frightening that the cashier thought the kid needed to be smacked? She must not have kids because spanking a screaming kid is a sure way to get them to scream even louder! I’m a believer that some kids need more discipline but I don’t think hitting or spanking is the way to do it.
Ah, the complete stranger that is openly telling you they would smack their kids. I always wonder what they really do if they are comfortable telling that information to a stranger!
Anyways, what a kind woman, I will have to remember that for in the future. If someone did that for me, it probably would bring me to tears! Usually when I see something like that happening, I try to give the mother/father/adult a sympathetic smile. When it is my son (who is 2.5 yrs.), I let him have the tantrum (which luckily doesn’t happen often). I must say that I almost never shop with my son. I get out of work around 2:45, so I will go before I get him at daycare or on the weekends when my husband is home. It is always assumed that I won’t take my son with if my husband is home. So if I do have to take my son, it means I HAVE to be there, which is why I let him have his tantrum. I don’t try to calm him or anything, I just ignore him and try to get done ASAP!
It varies for me from child to child, but for our youngest, I usually let her cry for a little bit and then offer her a hug, which calms her down. We take our kids grocery shopping every week and they actually seem to like it, so that also helps with the situation.
I also have to agree with Shannon, that it was not the terrible twos, but the awful threes.
Good luck in all your shopping.
First, a response to Shannon: Man, am I feeling your pain! Three is MUCH worse than two! I couldn’t agree more. Our son has been possessed by the devil for about 7 months now and only in the last month or so are we finally starting to see a (partial) return to the sweet little boy we once knew and loved. Good luck!
And now back to topic: When I see other moms in this situation, I usually try the sympathetic smile too. I at least want them to know that I am not judging them! I have been in those shoes and know what people say (we flew for Thanksgiving so had the experience and dirty looks ourselves…and mercifully, one wonderful dad who, when I said, “Great, now we’re THAT family,” told me “We’ve been THAT family MANY times…!”).
The thing is, people seem to feel when your kid is having a tantrum like there is something you should be able to DO about it! And sometimes there is…but in my experience the harder I WORK at curbing a negative behavior, the more upset the kid gets. The fastest way to end a behavior you don’t like is to ignore it completely…but it’s hard to do when you’re out in public you have to worry about “what people will think”!
I guess we all can work on being a bit more compassionate…and for those who are childless (or far enough past their little-kid years to have blocked it out) and may wonder why “that kid won’t shut up!”, just remember that as much as YOU want the kid to be quiet…that kid’s parent wants it FAR more than you.
Oh no. Our daughter turns 3 this month. OH NO!!!
My husband and I shop alone - leaving the kids home with the other parent if shopping is needed.
I am inspired by the helpful woman who gave the mom an opportunity to comfort her child. I will take a page out of her book. What a great way to respond to a parent in need!
Don’t worry Becky maybe it’s just boys that go crazy at three. 
My son really is a very good kid he just has moments when he wants to do what he wants to do, NOW! And I suppose we have to be thankful, after all we want them to grow up to be independent, strong adults it would just be nice if they didn’t have to show their independence at 5:00 in the middle of the grocery store when you just need something for dinner and half of the city is staring at you!
I have gone shopping with my 3.5 year old (yes the 3s are worse) and my 9 month old by myself. I know what it’s like to have your kid act like that. I’v never had a stranger do anything like that for me. Luckily most of the time I go shopping by myself. I leave work early and get the grocery shopping done and then pick the kids up. Otherwise DH and the kids come with me to the grocery store or any other store. I’ve had my 3.5 year throw a tantrum in stores and the best thing I do to calm him down is to just pick him up and carry him and he eventually calms down.
FYI - Cashier woman was a mom, and had at least one under the age of three. I shuddered and told her tantrums were a stage she would have to get through. Any parent that says their child never threw a tantrum is probably lying.
I also once had a woman look at my child and say “Well, if you hate shopping with your mom so much you can come with me.” My son was so shocked by the suggestion that he leave his mom that he quieted down immediately. I am still not sure how I feel about that one though, as it initially rubbed me the wrong way. What if he had said okay and tried to jump into her cart?
Ahh, trips to Target without a child…frankly, my idea of pure bliss (since imaginging at a night at home alone is just way too crazy!)! Many blessings to the kind woman who helped with the toddler — and blessings to all parents who are currently in the toddler stage as our children work to develop a sense of competence and independence! What a challegning, delightful, exasperating, and exciting time.
