Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away
Posted on February 26th, 2008 – 9:36 AMBy Kay Krhin
Colleen Lindstrom of FM107.1 Get Real Girls recently requested to share the story of her daughter Brady with our Cribsheet community. It is a subject that is difficult to share but close to her heart - SIDS. This is hard to read, but her goal is to raise awareness of safe sleep habits and what you can do to reduce the risk.
In her own words: Our daughter is so deeply missed. She was our ultimate teacher in living life joyfully, and I honor her by sharing our story.
At 11:56 pm on March 19, 2005, my firstborn drew her first breath. With that first breath of life in the midst of a bustling birthing room, came her glorious newborn cry. As long as I live, I will never forget the wailing sounds she produced as we welcomed Brady Judith Lindstrom into this world. In that instant, our love story began and we made plans, just as all first time parents do. Her Daddy would teach her about baseball and how to appreciate a really good rock song, and I would take her to dance classes and instruct her on the importance of an appropriately timed punch line. We would live happily ever after, aside from the occasional bump in the road during the Junior High years. I thought my heart would actually explode right then and there. I had never tested its capacity with love like this. So, I sang to my little girl:
You are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey
you’ll never know dear
how much I love you
please don’t take my sunshine away…
Each day I was amazed that I could love her more and more. We marveled at each new skill she developed, each new sound she made, each new expression that she revealed. She was perfect.
And then…
In the early afternoon hours of July 5th Brady Judith Lindstrom drew her final breath. She had lived 109 days. I was not there as I had been for her first breath – I had trusted others to care for her while I was at work. Please don’t take my sunshine away… Just as I thought my heart would explode with the love I felt for her, I believed at that moment that it would implode from the intense, crippling, sharp pain of grief. As I held my beautiful girl’s lifeless body for the last time, I sang to her the little known second verse of our song;
The other night dear
as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
when I awakened
I was mistaken
and I hung my head down and cried.
This is my sad story, I am a bereaved parent. In the days following Brady’s death, the details about exactly how she died became clear. Against our instruction, against their own policy, and against the standard of care expected of licensed child care providers in the state of Minnesota, Brady was placed to sleep on her stomach by a licensed day care worker. When she was found, her head was turned face down in the crib. Whether being on her tummy put Brady at risk for SIDS or suffocation, Brady’s death was preventable. In 2005, Brady was one of 22 infants whose deaths could have been prevented. (Data provided by the Minnesota Coroners’ and Medical Examiners’ Association, the Minnesota Child Mortality Review Panel, and the MN Sudden Infant Death Center at Children’s Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota).
These days most parents are familiar with the admonition, “Back to sleep. Tummy to play.” In other words, place babies under one year of age on their backs to sleep both at night and during naps. During waking hours, allow them to strengthen their head and neck muscles by playing on their tummies (supervised, of course). Since the beginning of the “Back to Sleep” campaign in 1994, the SIDS rate in the state of Minnesota has dropped by more than 50%. Had this standard of care been followed, I would likely be chasing my (almost) 3 year old red-headed girl around in the snow today.
As far as the other 21 babies that died the same year that Brady died, some died the same way, others died as a result of sleeping with soft items in the crib, sleeping on a couch, being trapped between an adult mattress and a wall, or sleeping with an adult. In most of these cases, the parents believed that these sleep practices were in their baby’s best interest and they were simply not aware of the hazards of their baby’s sleep environments.
Please give your babies the best chance of waking up by making sure that they sleep on their back in a crib, bassinet, or play yard of their own. Please remove all soft items (like stuffed animals, blankies, and crib bumpers) from baby’s sleep area so they have lots of air to breathe. And please remember, research shows that infants who sleep in adult beds are more likely to suffocate than infants who sleep alone in cribs.
Today, we are proud parents of a mobile and curious 16 month old boy, Oliver “Ollie” Matthew Lindstrom. During his first months of life, we were painfully challenged whenever he slept – in our experience, sleep could be dangerous. But we knew we were doing all we could do by following the safe sleep policies put forth by American Academy of Pediatrics. Please think of Brady, and the other 21 babies who died in 2005 when you think about sleeping arrangements for you and your baby.
Find out more about safe sleep by visiting the Children’s of Minnesota web page that details the work of its Minnesota Sudden Infant Death Center at http://www.childrensmn.org/Communities/SIDs.asp.
62 Responses to "Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away"
As painful as this must’ve been to share, I am so thankful I have read Colleen’s words today. Colleen, I will say a prayer for you and your husband today, for continued healing. As a first-time mom-to-be, I have not yet read much on the topic of SIDS, but will begin doing so today. Thank you for the link.
I too send prayers to little Brady, and to your family.
I do want to let other readers know that there is quite a debate about co-sleeping. Check out Dr. Sears’ website where he examines the pros and cons of sleeping with your baby. If done with great care, sleeping next to your baby can provide an amazing bond and make baby and mother sleep more peacefully. I am a nervous nelly, and am very aware of SIDS, but co-sleeping has been a tremendous blessing for our family.
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000.asp
Julia
Thank you Colleen, for sharing this. Your and Brady’s story echoes my own. My firstborn daughter was taken by SIDS 24 years ago, before the dangers of tummy sleeping were known. I’ve since had a son and a daughter, but will forever miss my angel.
There is no absolute prevention for SIDS, even advanced infant monitors can’t do that, but parents and caregivers can reduce the risk by at least 50% by always placing a child on his or her back to sleep, without padded bumpers or bedding or other soft objects. If absolutely necessary, there are mesh bumpers available. Halo Sleep Sacks (endorsed by the SIDS Alliance) are a great alternative to bedding. And room sharing is just as beneficial as bedsharing, but far safer.
Your story also illustrates an important gap in risk reduction. Caregivers, whether sitters or childcare workers or grandparents, must all be made aware of Back to Sleep and safe bedding practices, and must follow these recommendations. It’s never safe to assume caregivers are aware or properly implementing recommendations: DISCUSS THEM WITH ANYONE WHO CARES FOR YOUR BABY! Children’s lives depend on it.
No “I did it that way with my kids,” or, “she’ll sleep better that way,” is worth losing your child. Take it from someone who has. If only we had known the dangers back then, my daughter might be with me today. I’ve missed her every day for 24 years, and will miss her until the day I die. Nothing is worth that. Nothing.
So sorry to hear about your loss. When I was 11 years old, in December of 1962, I was holding my niece Jeana* in my arms. When all of a sudden, my sister started screaming. My little Jeana* had died in my arms. I can’t say that I know what you are going through. I would never assume to do that. All I know is what my sister, her husband and myself went through. God bless you as he/she is blessing Brady at this moment. Papa Larry
*Name changed for my sister’s sake.
Thank you so much Colleen for sharing your sad story, and I am so, so sorry for your loss. Until reading this, it never occurred to me that I would have to remind our daycare provider of the sleeping on the back rule (I’m currently pregnant with our first child). I will definitely make sure that I stress this with our daycare provider this year after our baby is born. I think now that when we have babysitters as well, I will write out a list of tips and dos and don’ts for them, and stress the sleeping on the back as the most important one. Thank you so much for sharing your sad story, and again, I am so sad and sorry for your loss.
Dear Colleen:
I am so touched by your story, and hope that some day the pain will cease. Seventeen years ago this month I was blessed by my first born, a beautiful girl, who I sang the same song to each time I laid her down to sleep. I am still blessed with that beautiful girl, and can only hope that the birth of your son has helped your healing, although he can never replace your angel. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
What a terrible tragedy, and I am grateful to you for sharing it. What a horrible thing to go through.
I appreciate you trying to bring awareness to sleep safety. Unfortunately, one of your statements (though widely accepted as true) is in fact false. “…research shows that infants who sleep in adult beds are more likely to suffocate than infants who sleep alone in cribs.”
This has not been supported by research. In fact, Dr. James McKenna, a proponent of cosleeping for many decades now, advocated AGAINST tummy sleep for years because it wasn’t natural. Only recently has ‘general consensus’ come around to what he’s been saying for years. Watch any breastfeeding cosleeping mom, and you’ll see that baby sleeps on his/her back, with mom’s arm protecting him/her. This is the natural place for babies to sleep.
SIDS is going to happen no matter what precautions we take. Doing the best we know how, like putting babies on their back to sleep, is one of many ways we can prevent tragedies like what happened to Colleen’s family. No matter where you choose for your child to sleep, do it as safely as possible.
And then love your kids every moment you have them!
I’m sorry for your loss.
I was going to write about the falsehoods and scare-tactic statement, but others have alrady covered it. Co-sleeping can be done safely, but you need to take the necessary precautions and do it properly.
This is such an important story to share, and I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to write. I will be sharing this with my MIL. She was so determined to put our son to sleep on his stomach, that we had to tell her that she could not watch if that was what she chose to do. She came around, but still believes that stomach is best. We have never had a personal family story with SIDs, so I think this will help her understand why we were so insistent about it. I will pray for continued strength for your family.
I feel your pain. I lost a son to SIDS who was also at daycare and was also sleeping on his tummy. Joey was 2 1/2 months old. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but I think you know that it does not. We just learn to cope and deal and ignore stupind things that people say to us. I was a single mom and people actually said it was probably for the best. I have since had two more children but I waited a long time to do that. When I came home from the hospital and they wanted to put my daughter on a monitor I refused. I told myself this could not happen to me twice. The DR. at the hospital that worked on Joey told me that some babies, no matter what we do to prevent it will die from SIDS. His own grandson did and was also being held by some one at his baptism. I felt guilty for a long itme thinking I should have been with him and not at work, but the doctor said it would have happened no matter what. It is a painful thing to go thru. Everything bad that happens to me seems small compared to that. I have a poem to share that I keep in my purse:
Angels Are HArd to Find
WHEN GOD CALLS LITTLE CHILDREN TO DWELL WITH HIM ABOVE,
WE MORTALS SOMETIME QUESTION THE WISDOM OF HIS LOVE.
FOR NO HEARTACHE COMPARES WITH THE DEATH OF ONE SMALL CHILD
WHO DOES SO MUCH TO MAKE OUR WORLD SO BEAUTIFUL AND MILD
PERHAPS GOD TIRES OF CALLING THE AGED TO HIS TOLD
SO HE PICKS A LITTLE ROSEBUD BEFORE IT CAN GROW OLD
GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH WE NEED THEM SO HE TAKES ONLY A FEW.
TO MAKE THE LAND OF HEAVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL TO VIEW
BELIEVING THIS IS DIFFICULT, STILL SOME HOW WE MUST TRY
THE SADDEST WORD MANKIND KNOWS WILL ALWAYS BE GOODBYE
SO WHEN A LITTLE CHILD DEPARTS, WE WHO ARE LEFT BEHIND
MUST REALIZE GOD LOVES CHILDREN,
ANGELS ARE HARD TO FIND.
Bless you,
Debbie
Dear Colleen,
I, too, am so sorry to hear of your great loss. I can’t imagine your pain, but am so thankful that you have a son to love.
You are correct that this tragic death could have been prevented. It goes beyond laying babies on their backs to sleep however. There is a lot of evidence that a gas forms on the mattresses with the heat, sweat and spit-up from he baby creating a fungus on it that makes a toxic nerve gas due to the plasticisers and fire retaardants in it. Because of this, other babies sleeping on the mattresses at that day care are at a huge risk. These gases can be absorbed through the skin as well as inhaled. My grandsons sleep on mattresses that are covered to protect them from this occurence and the information and research is available on http://www.stopsidsnow.com.
Thank you for being willing to share your story. Please see that everyone you know gets the full truth, because, despite the “Back-to-Sleep” campaign, 7 more babies still die each day and day cares have about 1/3 of the cases due to their older and heaveily used mattresses which harbor the fungus.
May you be blessed with more babies to love in the future and may your heart heal from your loss.
fyi
I’m very sorry. No parent should suffer the loss of a child.
Your dear baby didn’t die in an adult bed, however, she died in a crib. Therefore to make a connection to sleep-sharing in this instance is unnecessary and misleading. Sleep-sharing is a time-honored tradition that has spanned many centuries and many cultures, and is practiced safely today by countless families. Parents need to educate themselves thoroughly on this topic and make the decision for themselves.
Perhaps someone should conduct a study on the safety of daycare? How safe does daycare appear once all instances of neglect, abuse and death that occur there every year are compiled?
Also, though the received wisdom nowadays is that babies should be put to sleep on their backs, it was not so long ago that parents were strongly cautioned AGAINST this position for sleep. Parents were told the safest position for babies to sleep in was on their tummies — in case they spit-up. If on their backs they could choke to death, or so it was believed.
Parents: educate yourselves and make the choice that is right for your family, be it co-sleeping or crib, stay at home with a parent or daycare. Do the best you can, and cherish your little ones.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am an avid listener to fm107.1 so I have heard your story before. It is just as hard to read it as it was to hear you talk about it. I am a mother of three children, 5, 3 and 1 years old (god help me!) I cannot even imagine what you have gone through; especially knowing that it may have been preventable. Thank you again for sharing your story and bringing awareness that this happens to “Real People”
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story about Brady.
Thank your so much for sharing your story.
7 years ago February 6th, my husband & I lost our 1st born (a daughter) to SIDS, she was 14 weeks old when we lost her. She also was placed on her tummy against our instruction by a daycare provider. It is loss that few understand, children are suppose to out live their parents. However my husband and I went on to have another child he just turned 4 February 18.
Thank you for putting your story out there to help make others aware of the dangers of tummy sleeping.
I feel your loss. Our 1st son, Andy would be 28 now, but died from SIDS at 5 months. We , as a family continue to celebrate his birthday every year and that helps remember his part in our family. We have 2 wonderful children and we bless their presence in our lives every day. Life is to precious to be taken for granted. Sharing your story is part of the healing process and I commend you for taking this huge step! I pray that God will provide you comfort in your loss. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for being brave enough to survive this loss and courageous enough to share it with us. I’m not a parent, but I will never forget this story.
Not a day goes by without me thinking of what you and your family have endured. And since I have become a mother myself, I am even more amazed by the grace and courage you have shown in the face of unimaginable grief. I am so happy for you, though, that the two of you now have Ollie. He has obviously brought so much joy into your lives. God bless Brady. She will always be missed and will always be remembered.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even fathom what is it like to lose a child.
Maybe we are taking this the wrong direction though. Instead of focusing on the SIDS/Co-sleeping aspect, maybe we should focus on the Daycare aspect. Does our state do enough to regulate daycares and providers? What is stopping a provider who goes against the standard of care and the parents wishes from losing their license in MN, but then going across the border and starting a daycare in Wisconsin?
My wife had an older brother who the family lost to SIDS. Had he lived my wife probably never would have been created so it’s a bitter-sweet story for me and her, but her older brother’s passing has raised the awarness of SIDS for our family and it made it very difficult to sleep when our daughter was sleeping. I hope to never know the pain you have endured, but my prayers are with you.
Colleen,
Thank you so much for sharing your painful and heartbreaking story. My wife and I have only been married two and a half years and have not yet taken the leap of trying for children. However, when we do make that commitment and if we are blessed with children, I will most certainly remember your story and do whatever I can to help prevent a tragedy like this from happening to us.
I sincerely appreciate you sharing your story and hope you know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Obviously something like this is not quantifiable but it could be that this story saves a child’s life sometime in the future. Thank you and God Bless.
I cried the whole story through. I am so sorry for your loss. I am a mother of 4 and cannot imagine loosing one of them to SIDS or anything else. I can tell you that now, Licensed Day Care providers are trained to prevent SIDS. It is stressed that we always place babies on back to sleep, no toys, no bumpers are to be in the crib. It is still a great practice for parents seeking day care to quiz the provider of this. A simple reminder could be a life saver. It just shows that you are a caring parent.
I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate your efforts to bring awareness to SIDS. I am appalled that people are using your loss to promote their co-sleeping agendas. If one prefers to co-sleep with one’s children because one feels it is natural and beneficial to one’s child, that is a personal choice. It is also a personal choice to NOT co-sleep with one’s child because one believes it is potentially fatal if not done with care. I wish people would not try to “convince” others that their way is the right way. For every study showing danger, there is one that shows a benefit and vice versa. All parents should educate themselves, research and then choose the path that feels right for their family. And THEIR family only.
I am so blessed to have known Brady Judith Lindstrom during her much too short visit here on earth. I was just lying in bed last night before I went to sleep thinking of the last time I saw her and how I will bring her a new night light this year and cards from the girls for her birthday. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding parents to really stress to anyone who cares for their child how important it is to put a baby to sleep on their back. Every time the opportunity arises I share your story in hopes that they will share it with their daycare provider or someone they know with an infant. Thank you for being so brave and for sharing with all of us.
I am so sorry to hear about this very sad story. Day care providers need A LOT more training and education before our precious little ones are put under their care. I personally feel that NOONE should be licensed to teach/care for kids, especially infants, if they arent properly trained in ALL aspects of care….and refreshed frequently with information too. Also, when I was an infant teacher there was a requirement that every 10 minutes the baby be checked for breathing. I am not sure if that is a law but it was mandatory at our day care center. Again, so sorry for your loss. I pray for you and your family.
March 19th - Your sunshine Brady shares this date with someone very special but for a different reason. I remember going to church the Sunday prior to March 19th, 2002 and talking baby talk in the church foyer to little Owen Michael (we called him baby “O”). He had a wonderful smile and big bright blue eyes. Owen was the son of my childhoold friend, we grew up together and remained in the same town we grew up in. Owen was born on April 5, 2001 yet past away only a few weeks from his first birthday due to SIDS which also took place at his daycare. I never knew this could happen to older babies. My heart ached for my dear friend’s family and does to this very day. I recall rushing to the hospital and holding the family. The nausea was so bad I rushed to the bathroom and stayed put to let my cries out before returning to the family. On the anniversary of Owen’s death, I send my friend a card to let her know she is remembered and Owen will not be forgotten. I don’t know how she goes on day to day, I can’t imagine losing one of my own children. I’m sorry for your loss and am glad you are creating awareness.
FWIW: My son’s daycare made us sign a consent form stating that they would only sleep a child on their back UNLESS they received a note from the child’s dr. stating that they MUST sleep on their tummy (there is also a lot of legal paperwork that goes along with that). If they are able to roll over, they do not roll the infant back on its tummy; if they can do that on their own they can also move their body, head, etc.
Thank you for sharing your story. I currently have a 2 year-old son. When he was an infant I was “nuerotic” about how he slepted (on his back), where he slept (in his crib) and what was in his crib (nothing). Many thought I was way too over protective and paranoid but I stuck to my beliefs. I don’t think you could EVER be too careful when it comes to the care of your baby. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart breaks for your reading this story. But thank you for sharing it. From your words, others will benefit greatly. God Bless you and your Family.
First, I would like to say how sorry I am for the loss of little Brady. Seconed, I would like to thank you for sharing your story with us.
I am 23 years old and expecting my first child in May, I have not read much about SIDS before, but because of the strength and courage you had to tell your story, it has encouraged me to do all the research possible to prevent it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Brady, and your family. Again, thnak you for taking the time to share your story with all of us!
I am so sorry for your loss…I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. I lost my 5 month old son to SIDS this past September. I miss him with all of my being. We dropped him off at daycare one day and he was sitting up right in a bouncy seat with no blankets…he fell right to sleep, she decided not to move him in fear of waking him…from what the investigator figured basically as soon as he fell asleep he was gone or at least within the first 5-10 minutes. The medical examiner could not find a cause of death for Benjamin, she said that based on enviromental circumstances and his health there was just no cause and no reason. I wonder every day if there is something that could have changed the outcome had he been placed in a pack’n'play or his crib, or if God just needed a special angel. What I do know is that this process is so unnatural and simply not fair…in a little over a month I am supposed to be celebrating Ben’s birthday with him, not without him. Thank you for sharing your story…my thoughts are with you and your family as you are nearing her 3rd birthday.
Our Baby Billy died Dec 31, 1959 from SIDS. He had been sleeping on his tummy which was considered best for a baby in those days. Now, 48 years later, the tears still come easily.
We did not know about SIDS in 1959, it was considered a ‘quick pneumonia’… Thank you for sharing your story.
on this very tragic topic please keep in mind that a normally healthy infant,under 5mos old,will very seldom stop breathing on their own, rather as a result of somekind of breathing obstruction, re breathing thier own carbon dioxide, pls do the research and call it what it really is for the benefit of all future infants,so proper techniques and infor is out there
I personally don’t believe that having your child sleep on their tummy makes enough of a difference to warrant all the hysteria. The very small statistical difference it makes seem too small to warrant all the time and energy. In 1985 before the back sleeping campaign we were were loosing 1.4 babies to SIDS per 1K babies. In 2002 we are only loosing .56 babies per thousand. While back sleeping does help it doesn’t make your baby 100% safe.
There is also a small chance we could be hit by a meteorite, but we don’t all go around wearing metal helmets.
regarding the last posting from ace,,mn reported “sids” case dropped 50% since 1994 when info said put infants on thier backs. that doesnt tell you something I dont know what would…possible going to a few death scenes and seeing very similar sights,babies face down and deceased. very sad
I am very sorry for your loss. I am a parent who slept with my child. I loved the experience for one, secondly, because I am single and was breastfeeding, it was a much better option during recovery. I also lay my baby on her tummy, because I knew my child. There was no way she could ever fall asleep on her back for one,and secondly her pedicatrician and I knew she was able to lift and turn her head fairly early. The key is, you have to know your child. Of course, if you administer care of your child to someone else, then they have to take the greatest precaution. I took care of my own, and I knew her very well. There is no book out there or expert out there who can give you a blue print on how to do things. The key is in learning your child, just like you need to learn and listen to your own body despite all of the exptertise out there.
I am so thankful for my grandson & we always have a goodtime. As much as I Love him, I will always think of grampa’s little girl.
Before she was born, Matt and Colleen sent me an email with her heart beat. I listen to that everyday. I was so excited to have a granddaughter. She will be in my heart for ever. Thank you Matt & Colleen. I don’t think I ever turned down a chance to baby sit. Her smiles can never be replaced. She remind me so much of my sister. She now rest next to my grandmother & grandfather, so I know she will be looked after.
What if statistics showed that we could save 2 kids per thousand in traffic accidents if they all had to wear helmets? Would we pass laws requiring helmets be worn by infants. Where does it stop?
We only loose .56 babies to SIDS every year. I am sure some of those babies are laying on their back. Front or back it makes very little difference.
Ace Walker…I lost my baby to SIDS in September and hearing you say that we only lose .56 babies from SIDS each year has really left an impression on me of you that not much can change. I get what you are saying, but she shared a story that has left her heart broken and you and your statistics are probably not the negativity she would have wanted to draw to this cribsheet blog. Maybe in the future when you are reading such things you should try to use some tact when speaking and be sensitive to this extremely sensitive subject.
My son spent every night on his stomach and the one time he was on his back he passed away…my daughter slept on her back each and everyday and is almost two and is fine. My nephew who is 10 months old sleeps on his stomach every night. so I understand where you are going with your comments…however you do not have to be so hurtful or harsh over a subject so sensitive.
And yes…most parents would do WHATEVER they could to protect their children…so if it meant a helmet in the car if a law was passed…most parents would do it…we are parents and our job is to protect our children…we all do what we can.
who said anything about passing laws,parents can dictate sleeping positions,however, bottom line is infants under 4-5 mos old do not have capability of head movement to save themselves from soffocating, one preventable death is to many, no matter what the stats say
This comes from someone who went to the funeral of a 1 month old sharing the bed with her mother. It does happen regardless of the statistics. One relatively new invention is called a sleep positioner. It is foam cushions placed on both sides of baby when sleeping. This will put a slight barrier between parent and baby so they will not get rolled over on or pushed between the mattress and wall. You can also use to incline the baby slightly for any respiratory issues.
I do appreciate this article as my daughter told me of the rule of sleep on the back, but she couldn’t tell me why. I have always honored her wish, but inside felt it was another wives tale. So thanks for the education.
I agree Mike, completely. I would never place my infant child to sleep on his or her stomach again until they are able to roll over themselves and I no longer have the control. I feel so lucky that Ben did not pass away while sleeping on his stomach…but regardless of this and knowing the statistics now I would do what would put my child at the least amount of risk…which in my opinion is what most parents would do…
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. And feel even worse to see people judging you for leaving your child in daycare and for using your story as a launching board for their co-sleeping agendas. Enjoy your new little boy.
Jenny, I don’t see this as people launching a co-sleeping agenda. Many have expressed their views that co-sleeping isn’t as dangerous as it seems simply in response to her assertions that it is. Most have done it in a respectful manner, and no one is saying that losing a child isn’t a tragedy. We all feel sadness for this family. I also don’t think anyone is judging her for using daycare. I brought up the daycare point because a commenter also lost a child due to a daycare’s negligence. (I entrust my two children to a daycare provider.) Perhaps that is a better discussion for us to have. What can we regulate to curb injuries and deaths in the daycare setting?
Thanks for writing your story colleen - it really is heartfelt, and offers some great reminders to parents, or future parents.
Oh, how my heart aches. And how important we are to each other as parents. When I was a babysitter back in the 70s (as a parent in the 90s, I cringed to think of the brave and foolish souls who let me practice on their babies), we were taught to always place babies on their stomachs to sleep, lest they vomit and choke in the night. When my first son was born in ‘91, I vaguely recall trying to papoose him in some overly complicated sideways arrangement. When he slept through the night at 14 days, I refused to look in the bassinet, because I feared the worst. Sometimes it feels like every day is a walk on thin ice with a wing and a prayer.
There are a lot of sites out there that offer anectodes and ideas that are not supported with adequate research, some whose suggestions may even raise the risk of SIDS, so it can be hard to know what advice to follow.
A great resource for well-researched information about reducing SIDS risks is called First Candle: http://firstcandle.org
This is indeed sad, however, I feel that to blame this tragedy on the daycare provider is over simplifying and placing blame on what I am sure was a horrific tragedy for the daycare provider also. As zogmama says in the 70’s new mothers were taught to never, ever put a child to sleep on their back as they would choke on their vomit. The statistics of less SIDS deaths since advocating sleeping on their backs is encouraging, however, I do think SIDS still remains a tragic mystery. How do you explain that once a baby can roll over, they roll over and sleep on their tummies? If this theory were 100% accurate, than no baby sleeping on their backs would ever die from SIDS which is not the case.
I, too have read the article and most of the comments. Both of our kids were put on their stomachs to sleep or on their side. Each for different reasons. My son spit up more than I care to remember. Being on his back would have choked him. My daughter wouldn’t fall asleep on her back. I also was the nervous nelly type. I checked them so often I probably didn’t get good sleep during that time. I also believe that when God calls the little ones home it is to protect them from something far worse. That is how I chose to deal with the loss our our second one (miscarriage). There probably is no greater loss than that of a child because they are with us so short a time.
I was so sorry to hear of your tragedy. I’m sure it was heartbreaking.
I, too, lost an infant son 21 years ago and think of him often.
It might help you to hear my story: Over the years I have come to the realization that we were put on this earth basically for two reasons: to learn and to teach. The only explanation I can see for the death of an innocent child is that they weren’t sent here to learn, but only to teach. As time has passed and I continue to remember my dear baby boy I continue to learn from his precious time spent here.
Take heart. I’m sure you were a wonderful mommy to him, and he will always be with you. And his love taught you as well as everyone he/you have touched. Well done!
Thank you for sharing your story. I remember the first ten months of my twins’ lives and how I spent the nights flipping them over on their backs. The first three months were easy because they couldn’t roll over on their own; I put them on their backs and that’s where they stayed. But as soon as they were strong enough to roll over, on their tummies they’d go. So for seven months I didn’t sleep much. At ten months of age my instincts told me they would be okay, and I could sleep through the night. Now they are almost seven and still prefer sleeping on their tummies. Sometimes I watch them and listen to their breathing and I am so thankful we made it through the vulnerable infancy stage. And I know that you must feel that too as you watch and listen to your son. God bless you and your family.
I feel your pain, I too lost a son Owen Michael (11 1/2 months old) to sids on March 19th,2002. He also died at the daycare, was found tummy down with a comforter in the play pen. This to could of been prevented, had the comforter not been in there, I would have my little Owen who would be almost 7. There’s not a day that goes by that we dont miss him and would love to hold him. I would like to say that things get easier in time…but they dont:( You just go with the flow. We have a big family and lots of great friends that help us thru everyday. I will pray for your sweet Brady!
Colleen, thank you for sharing your tragic story, and I hope you are not offended by my question.
Your statement “Against our instruction, against their own policy, and against the standard of care expected of licensed child care providers in the state of Minnesota, Brady was placed to sleep on her stomach by a licensed day care worker. When she was found, her head was turned face down in the crib. Whether being on her tummy put Brady at risk for SIDS or suffocation, Brady’s death was preventable. In 2005, Brady was one of 22 infants whose deaths could have been prevented.” makes it clear that you believe your daughter would still be with you if she had been placed on her back to sleep. I am really curious as to what the consequences (if any) were for Brady’s death in regards to the daycare facility and provider.
i am so sorry to read this tragic story, but I do agree that co-sleeping is really not at issue here. I did want to add one thing that pertains to SIDS — I purchased a mattress cover from new zealand because one of the theories of SIDS relates to the chemicals released from mattresses (to the respiratory system of a newborn). This combined with the back to sleep movement has led to a big reduction in SIDS in new zealand. The cover was $40.
Colleen, Thank you for sharing a very intimate and sad story with us to help prevent SIDS in other families. My heart breaks for you and your family. I can’t even fathom the gamut of emotions you must have gone through.
I am appalled by the commenters that have tried to change this into other issues. You lost your child because of something a childcare provider did incorrectly and against your wishes. That makes this a very preventable and even more tragic loss.
Colleen–
I am so very sorry for your loss; words cannot express it. I have experienced loss in a different way, a miscarriage. It is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced, but reading your story I know it has nothing on the loss of a living child.
But I like what Terry said about everyone being here to learn and/or to teach. Certainly I have learned a lot from my loss, and it is wonderful that you, Colleen, are working so hard to make Brady’s time here something that others can learn from.
Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me want to go hug my children and remember how lucky I am to have them at all.
Take care–
Colleen,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart-breaking story with us. My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m very sorry to see people trying to blame you for having left Brady in daycare and tearing into you for the facts you provided about SIDS prevention. Unless your child has some health condition that causes your pediatrician to recommend tummy sleeping, infants MUST be put on their backs to sleep until they can roll over and you can’t prevent them from flipping onto their tummy after you put them down.
Ace, obviously you’re not a parent, because anyone who has children knows that any baby lost unnecessarily is a tragedy. Please don’t make it seem like it doesn’t matter that babies are dying.
To all mothers who lost their babies to SIDS due to daycare providers putting them to sleep on their tummies, I am so sorry for your loss. From what I have seen and been told, I thought it was common knowledge that babies are to sleep on their backs. It makes me very scared for the thousands of babies in the world who go to daycare everyday, and very fortunate that my 7 month old son’s grandma provides childcare for us.
Thank you again, Colleen, for sharing your story.
Colleen,
I think of Brady often when I look at Belen. I remember running into you at Babies R Us when we were both pregnant, and sometimes when I look at Belen, amazed at how she has grown, I think of Brady and how you don’t get the chance to do the same with her.
Andrew and I are so proud of the positive work you have done on SIDS awareness and prevention following Brady’s death. I wonder how many deaths your work has prevented. (I know SIDS is not entirely preventable, at least with the knowledge we have today, but “back to sleep” seems to reduce the risk by 50%. So, your efforts are entirely worth it if even one baby is saved because a family remembered to not put their baby on their tummy to sleep or if a family reviewed their daycare’s policy on sleep.)
I attended the funeral of a baby recently (not SIDS related). The pastor said something that rang true in that case, and I think it’s true in yours, as well. People can say that God took Brady because he needed another angel. That’s not true. God did NOT need any more angels - you did. She is your angel, and she is an angel to all the families who benefit from your SIDS awareness and prevention work.
I have attached a website for you to view that show the facts.
What everyone needs to understand is that SIDS is NOT preventable in any way shape or form. If it is suffocation, rebreath or something of that nature that those are the environmental factors that possibly could have contributed to the diagnosis of SIDS.
My son died of SIDS because it was diagnosis of exclusion. They could not find a cause at all…he was very healthy, there was no suffocation, no rebreath and no environmental factors that could have caused my son to stop breathing…he is a true SIDS case in that for whatever reason he just stopped breathing one afternoon when he was on his back at daycare and fell asleep…there really was no reason. In the eyes of the state and on his death certificate he died of natural causes.
So for all of you who think that there was a way to prevent such a case, while putting the baby on her tummy might have not been the best idea…there is nothing to prove that it would have prevented such a case…because had she been on her back there is still a chance it could have happened that way too…that is what sucks about SIDS is that you cannot go back and do it over a different way…
This is something that all of us mothers who have lost a child to SIDS does…we ask ourselves the ‘what ifs’ all the time…we probably will for the rest of our lives.
I do agree that they post risk factors for a reason and that as a parent I would always live and die by the list so I could do whatever it is out there to possibly make the risks less for my child…however some things are completely out of our control…and in SIDS deaths they are totally out of our control 
My deepest sympathy to your family. Our infant daughter died 40 years ago on my lap in church on a Sunday morning. She wasn’t sick … she simply stopped breathing and couldn’t be revived. One only gets “through it” by trusting that she is now in God’s keeping. We must do our best to love and care for our children (and grandchildren) while we have them, whether it’s for a few days or as long as you, yourself, live.
As my family and I say our prayers today, we will remember your family and all those who have lost their lives to SIDS.
We have a 15 month old son and would be devastated to lose him at any point. But thanks for sharing your story with us. We are going to be changing some things that we currently do.
May you always remember the joy you experienced when you first held Brady in your arms. And may God bless you and all those who have been affected by SIDS or the death of a loved child!
Dear Colleen,
Your brave heart is an inspiration to me and my family. My baby girl is 10 months old now and I was sure she was no longer at risk for SIDs. I’ve gotten lax, leaving her soft binky in with her at night. That stops now.
Because of your story we go back to sleeping without blankets, toys, or anything in the crib with her. It’s hard to keep her on her back, but we’ll keep at it for another couple months.
Thank you for sharing this story with us and raising my awareness.
Julie
