Comments on: Trusting a Stranger http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/ Just another blogs2.startribune.com weblog Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:41:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Jackie http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5801 Jackie Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:30:24 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5801 I have twice been offered help in the grocery store while I was trying to balance a screaming child and an overflowing cart. Both times it was from women who where a bit older than I and both said "I've been there when my kids where small, let me help" At first it felt odd, but then I realized that any mother who has been in that position before and wished she had an extra set of arms should just be grateful for the kindness of another mother who has been there I have twice been offered help in the grocery store while I was trying to balance a screaming child and an overflowing cart. Both times it was from women who where a bit older than I and both said “I’ve been there when my kids where small, let me help” At first it felt odd, but then I realized that any mother who has been in that position before and wished she had an extra set of arms should just be grateful for the kindness of another mother who has been there

]]> By: Maria http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5792 Maria Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:09:36 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5792 Re: Minnesota nice (or not)-- Perhaps part of the lack of warmth towards strangers comes from our ancestors? A large segment of the population has German ancestry, and German people do not make a lot of eye contact, exchange pleasantries (beyond the formal) or make idle chit chat. However, once you are friends, they would go to great lengths to help you out. A lot of people think the Germans are rude, but it is just a cultural difference. That being said, in the small MN town I grew up in, people wave, smile and are helpful a lot of the time. Re: Minnesota nice (or not)– Perhaps part of the lack of warmth towards strangers comes from our ancestors? A large segment of the population has German ancestry, and German people do not make a lot of eye contact, exchange pleasantries (beyond the formal) or make idle chit chat. However, once you are friends, they would go to great lengths to help you out. A lot of people think the Germans are rude, but it is just a cultural difference.

That being said, in the small MN town I grew up in, people wave, smile and are helpful a lot of the time.

]]> By: Robin http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5791 Robin Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:25:14 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5791 I think the woman who volunteered the helping, was probably in the same situation herself (needing help with young children in tow) and someone helped her and she was just passing on the good deed. Also, when you have more children than hands, you are more willing to accept help. Because sometimes you need that third or fourth hand. I think the woman who volunteered the helping, was probably in the same situation herself (needing help with young children in tow) and someone helped her and she was just passing on the good deed.

Also, when you have more children than hands, you are more willing to accept help. Because sometimes you need that third or fourth hand.

]]> By: Sarah Rogstad http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5789 Sarah Rogstad Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:40:44 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5789 I think if you felt comfortable with the womans help then that is fine. Now this whole thing on background checks in schools for parent vollenteers is the real issue. I would do it if that was the only way to be able to go to the school and check on my kids but I would give them a piece of my mind before hand. Sarah I think if you felt comfortable with the womans help then that is fine. Now this whole thing on background checks in schools for parent vollenteers is the real issue. I would do it if that was the only way to be able to go to the school and check on my kids but I would give them a piece of my mind before hand.
Sarah

]]> By: claudia http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5788 claudia Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:19:03 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5788 Hm. I am a native of NYC so I think MN people are relatively friendly. I'd probably drop dead from shock if I spent time in the south. I love when people are friendly and say hello or offer to assist w/ stroller/packages/etc. I do the same. When I go back east to see friends they chide me for being open and friendly and tease me about becoming a heartland gal. Oh well. It sounds like the author took a calculated [low] risk. Ideal would be for helper to handle pictures and not baby, but I can see how pushing the stroller w/ mom right there in a public place would seem just fine - go with your gut! Hm. I am a native of NYC so I think MN people are relatively friendly. I’d probably drop dead from shock if I spent time in the south. I love when people are friendly and say hello or offer to assist w/ stroller/packages/etc. I do the same. When I go back east to see friends they chide me for being open and friendly and tease me about becoming a heartland gal. Oh well. It sounds like the author took a calculated [low] risk. Ideal would be for helper to handle pictures and not baby, but I can see how pushing the stroller w/ mom right there in a public place would seem just fine - go with your gut!

]]> By: KB http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5787 KB Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:39:47 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5787 I find it very interesting the comments from people who are non natives to Minnesota and how it was an adjustment to get used to how people don't smile at you in passing, chit chat in lines or wave when someone lets you in on the road. I am a native Minnesotan and I too find that people do this. I always try to smile at everyone and be polite and friendly. I never realized so many people in Minnesota were like that, not making eye contact, etc. until I visited other cities in other states and saw how much more friendly people were there. It's very interesting and I am curious as to why it is the way it is in Minnesota. Just wanted all you non natives to know that there are natives who feel the same way as you do! :-) I find it very interesting the comments from people who are non natives to Minnesota and how it was an adjustment to get used to how people don’t smile at you in passing, chit chat in lines or wave when someone lets you in on the road. I am a native Minnesotan and I too find that people do this. I always try to smile at everyone and be polite and friendly. I never realized so many people in Minnesota were like that, not making eye contact, etc. until I visited other cities in other states and saw how much more friendly people were there. It’s very interesting and I am curious as to why it is the way it is in Minnesota. Just wanted all you non natives to know that there are natives who feel the same way as you do! :-)

]]> By: Lori http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5785 Lori Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:28:09 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5785 Oh my gosh, yes! I thought it was the only non native Minnesotan that felt this way. Back home, we always give a smile and make eye contact with people walking by in the hallway so its hard to get used to just ignoring a person as you walk by. I always wave to neighbors as I drive by in the alley, and I swear they think I am some big weirdo. And I was always brought up to give a wave to a person who lets you into their lane. Its not that MNers aren't nice, they are very nice and caring people and I love getting to know them - they just seem to have this wall up of "Don't mess with me if I don't know you" at times. I wonder if it is a Scandanavian/Nordic thing as it does seem to be cultural. One of the reasons I've loved becoming a mom is that now strangers chit chat with me much more now as they comment on my little one and I just love getting to know different people and making this big town feel like a small town. Its much easier to be rude and inconsiderate to others when you have blinders on. Oh my gosh, yes! I thought it was the only non native Minnesotan that felt this way. Back home, we always give a smile and make eye contact with people walking by in the hallway so its hard to get used to just ignoring a person as you walk by. I always wave to neighbors as I drive by in the alley, and I swear they think I am some big weirdo. And I was always brought up to give a wave to a person who lets you into their lane. Its not that MNers aren’t nice, they are very nice and caring people and I love getting to know them - they just seem to have this wall up of “Don’t mess with me if I don’t know you” at times. I wonder if it is a Scandanavian/Nordic thing as it does seem to be cultural. One of the reasons I’ve loved becoming a mom is that now strangers chit chat with me much more now as they comment on my little one and I just love getting to know different people and making this big town feel like a small town. Its much easier to be rude and inconsiderate to others when you have blinders on.

]]> By: Amy http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5784 Amy Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:00:32 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5784 Lin, I also have the experience of thinking that Minnesotans are a bit warier than people in other cities! I just moved here a year ago from Atlanta. There is such a cultural difference, where in Atlanta you would wave to drivers that would let you over, smile at people you pass at the mall, things like that that were completely normal and sort of rude if you did not do them. Those things are not done here and I've had such a hard time with that! Some days I wonder why people are kind of rude to me...then I just have to remember it's the culture and not about me. They don't think it's rude at all. I also have a hard time trying to figure out my husband's family, as they have that strong Scandinavian-Minnesota culture that I really don't understand very much. Jen, I think you brought up a great point about how our fears prevent us from doing random acts of kindness. There are many times that I would like to help someone out, but I don't because I think it would make them feel strange. But I have also been on the flip side of the coin as well. One time in an apartment building that I used to live in, I was struggling to carry groceries up two flights of stairs (no elevator) to my door. A nice man offered to help me, but it left me feeling afraid, wondering if he was just trying to figure out which apartment was mine or something. When it is so infrequent for people to reach out and do something really kind, it is only human nature to wonder why they are doing it. I think it would take a major societal shift over many years of people trying to do nice things for others more frequently, for the culture to change for this to be seen as the norm and to alleviate people's fears of this. And in today's society where people are becoming more closed off, talking in chat rooms online instead of chatting with their neighbors (and I am guilty of this one!!), I'm not sure if that will happen anytime soon. Lin, I also have the experience of thinking that Minnesotans are a bit warier than people in other cities! I just moved here a year ago from Atlanta. There is such a cultural difference, where in Atlanta you would wave to drivers that would let you over, smile at people you pass at the mall, things like that that were completely normal and sort of rude if you did not do them. Those things are not done here and I’ve had such a hard time with that! Some days I wonder why people are kind of rude to me…then I just have to remember it’s the culture and not about me. They don’t think it’s rude at all. I also have a hard time trying to figure out my husband’s family, as they have that strong Scandinavian-Minnesota culture that I really don’t understand very much.

Jen, I think you brought up a great point about how our fears prevent us from doing random acts of kindness. There are many times that I would like to help someone out, but I don’t because I think it would make them feel strange. But I have also been on the flip side of the coin as well. One time in an apartment building that I used to live in, I was struggling to carry groceries up two flights of stairs (no elevator) to my door. A nice man offered to help me, but it left me feeling afraid, wondering if he was just trying to figure out which apartment was mine or something. When it is so infrequent for people to reach out and do something really kind, it is only human nature to wonder why they are doing it. I think it would take a major societal shift over many years of people trying to do nice things for others more frequently, for the culture to change for this to be seen as the norm and to alleviate people’s fears of this. And in today’s society where people are becoming more closed off, talking in chat rooms online instead of chatting with their neighbors (and I am guilty of this one!!), I’m not sure if that will happen anytime soon.

]]> By: Jen http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5783 Jen Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:45:49 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5783 I too enjoy that this is being discussed! Thinking about it from the other end, when I'm out without the kids I've often seen a mom struggling to carry things and wanted to help, but stopped myself for fear that she'd think I was "crazy" or trying to take her kids. Beyond holding an occasional door, I usually keep to myself. How sad that societal fear cuts down on our "random acts of kindness". Sad to say, but I don't think I would have accepted the help at Kohl's either. I too enjoy that this is being discussed! Thinking about it from the other end, when I’m out without the kids I’ve often seen a mom struggling to carry things and wanted to help, but stopped myself for fear that she’d think I was “crazy” or trying to take her kids. Beyond holding an occasional door, I usually keep to myself. How sad that societal fear cuts down on our “random acts of kindness”. Sad to say, but I don’t think I would have accepted the help at Kohl’s either.

]]> By: Lin http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5782 Lin Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:01:55 +0000 http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/cribsheet/2008/03/14/trusting-a-stranger/#comment-5782 I meant to add, Lija, I totally agree with you and think we are on the same page! I meant to add, Lija, I totally agree with you and think we are on the same page!

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