Cribsheeter Inquiry - Breastfeeding
Posted on January 7th, 2009 – 10:05 AMBy Kay Krhin
Relationships Reporter, Gail Rosenblum is working on an article stemming from the “Facebook Breastfeeding Photo Controversy”
read more here and here. She asked to tap into the wealth of opinions from our insightful readers.
Here’s her query:
Photos of breastfeeding mothers on Facebook: Adorable or obscene? It’s no secret that Americans are highly conflicted (confused? Crazy?) about women’s breasts. What interests me, though, is the quiet war that seems to be playing out under the radar between women – those who support breastfeeding and those who find it offensive. I’d love to speak with women (mothers and others) of a variety of ages about this: Where do you fall on this debate? Are you supportive of a woman’s right to breastfeed without limits? Or with some discretion? Or would you just rather she use a bottle? If relevant, how does your own mother (grandmother) feel about this issue? Please forward this to others who might like to chime in.
Write to Gail at grosenblum@startribune.com.
41 Responses to "Cribsheeter Inquiry - Breastfeeding"
please use a blanket while in public. that’s all I have to say about it. nobody wants to see a big swollen wet nipple by accident.
Why are you watching? Most women who are breastfeeding are not exhibitionists. Anyone who is breastfeeding a child knows how difficult it is to do in public as it is, if they are not using a blanket its usually for a reason. Both of my children would scream and flail if I tried to breastfeed with a blanket over them, thereby bringing more attention to what I was doing. I don’t understand the sexualization of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is about just that- feeding your child.
I always make it a point to give a big, supportive smile to any woman breastfeeding in public. I certainly did it with both babies. I did not use a blanket (it slips, you get shoulder ache trying to balance it, etc…) and I did do it everywhere - in restaurants, playgrounds, in cars.
Go for it. Use a blanket if you want-don’t if you don’t want to. Who cares? The child is being feed. Breast or bottle? A womans decision. I was bottle fed-turned out fine. My kids were breastfeed exclusively-turned out fine. I’d rather see a womans breast if she is nursing than a woman who is wearing a disgusting outfit, whether that be lots of cleavage or a super short skirt. If you don’t want to see, then turn away-no one is forcing you to look at that nursing baby. Maybe if we actually were exposed to it more, women in general would be less “sexualized”. The funny part of it is more women are offended by it then men. I was more offended when working the other night I saw a couple having dinner, then talking for a total of about 4 hours–while their less than 1 month old had a bottle propped in her mouth, then a pacifier stuck in there when she cried-and never once during that 4 hours was that child taken out of the car seat. Now that’s a shame, and much more disgusting than catching a glimpse of a nipple when a mother is trying to feed her child. Breast or bottle? Personal decision. Same as choosing, or not choosing to use a blanket. Get over it people. Let’s just support each other regardless of choice and move on.
I have no problem with public breastfeeding. Most women are so discreet you’d never even notice, a blanket actually makes it more obvious. I think people need to get over being offended by seeing a mother feeding her child the way nature intended. Breast are not meant to be sexual object, they are meant to nourish young children. If you have a problem with breastfeeding in public, it’s all about your own hang ups, the mother is not doing anything wrong.
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I agree with Kate and May. It is hard to keep a babe covered up at all times. Feeding your child is not obscene and I think it is weird when folks think it is or get uncomfortable. Who hasn’t seen a boob or two? Milk happens!
I agree with people. Breastfeeding is natural and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad for doing it in public. You would never tell a person bottle feeding to use a blanket. I have breastfed both of my children. Although I was not very comfortable doing it in public I did it because my child had to eat. I see nothing wrong with a woman doing that in public. We should be more accepting of this.
I just checked out the banned photos from facebook-some are in very good taste-some are not so much. But isn’t facebook more a private thing? If people want to post the pictures of themselves, why can’t they? It’s not like you can’t set your account to private, then no one could see your pictures anyhow except the people you want. And what about male nipples? Why are they allowed to be shown? A nipple is a nipple technically. If you’re going to ban nipples from being shown, then it should be ALL nipples. Men, women, children, babies etc. Facebook says that it doesn’t ban photos of nursing babes unless a NIPPLE is shown, but it doesn’t ban photos of other nipples on anything other than a woman. I’ve seen pictures on facebook that show a non-nursing womans nipple. As well as some much other grosser pictures. They haven’t been banned. What’s up with that??
I certainly tried wrestling with a blanket when I breastfed, but it was tricky for sure. I eventually just fed in public and tried to be a bit discrete, but didn’t knock myself out over it.
But I think the bigger underlying battle is between nursing vs. non-nursing families. An acquaintance - whom just a few people knows has HIV - got lambasted at her own shower for not breastfeeding. One woman (who doesn’t know her status)but knew she didn’t plan to breastfeed insisted to the point of giving her lots of breastfeeding gear for her shower - and then gave the guest of honor a lecture about the positive benefits of breastfeeding.
It was horrible that she wouldn’t her the mother’s answer to the breastfeeding question.
I’m glad I was able to choose to breastfeed my son until he was nearly 3. And I’m o-kay that it’s not for everybody.
In general, my opinion is that if you don’t like it, look away. You’re not being forced to watch my child eat.
BUT, with facebook it’s different. In facebook, if a “friend” (that is, a facebook friend) changes their profile picture to show a nursing child, then I will see that show up in my feed, and any time you do something that fb deems is worthy of showing up in the newsfeed, your profile picture shows up. I can’t turn that off (as far as I know). Similarly, if you just add a new picture, fb will publish it in your friends’ feeds and they’ll see that new picture, though they can more easily remove that from their feed.
Now seeing tiny fb profile pics with a nursing child doesn’t bother me at all. But I do know that it makes people uncomfortable, and since it’s a private company that owns that social network, and since people can’t easily opt out, I’m not opposed to what fb is doing. That said, I think members of fb certainly have the right to bring this up and ask fb to change. There are fb groups devoted to much sillier causes.
I (awkwardly) breastfed my kids in public. My comfort in doing so depended on the location and my mood and probably my clothing.
If I could go back and do-over I might take back the time I breastfed my 3 mo. old in a small, crowded cafe with an average patron age of 65, by balancing her on the top of a tiny table. I don’t think any of us were comfortable–including my daughter.
However, I remember my pre-breastfeeding days and feeling awkward when I saw a woman breastfeeding in public only because I didn’t know how much privacy she wanted. Did she want me to pretend it wasn’t happening? Should I do everything I could not to look at her boob? I remember talking to a breastfeeding woman once and feeling I had made the wrong choice. All that’s to say I understand people feeling awkward.
Interesting question about our moms. I have no idea how mine would feel. She didn’t breastfeed at all.
I just realized my response was pretty facebook-specific. I support a parent’s right to feed their child in public without limit. However they’re feeding them.
Ann Z., that’s a really interesting point about FB. I’m a FB newbie and still trying to figure it all out, but it does seem like you find out a lot about your friends that you may not need to know…(for example, the friend who posted that she had a migraine Christmas Day)…
My mom never breastfed either but she’s never said anything about my public display of boob.
I support a woman’s decision to breastfeed in public, but what’s the problem with a little discretion? If you don’t want to use a blanket, fine. But don’t get all huffy about people’s reactions. Not everyone is used to seeing breasts in public. Right or wrong, people will react. If you don’t want them to, then be discreet.
I get so tired of hearing this issue come up all the time. I am now breastfeeding my 2nd child and have been much more comfortable nursing in public this time round, mostly because I realize I cannot stay home all the time and neither can my 2 year old. And while I do try to schedule outings around feedings when possible, I can’t always predict when my son will want to eat again. I use a nursing cover (which probably makes it really obvious) but it is lighter than a blanket and easy to keep in place and I personally prefer to keep covered. At the end of the day, it just shouldn’t be a big deal at all. As for my mom and the rest of my family, none of them has issue with me breastfeeding around them or in public.
It is interesting to see how strongly people feel about this topic.
I’m currently breastfeeding my 16 week old. However, I have not yet breastfed her in public. I have planned all of my outings so we leave immediately after she has been fed, and return before she is hungry again. If I have a doctor’s appointment or something for her that I can’t change, I will give her a small extra feeding before we leave so I don’t have to do it in public. It’s really a burden to have to do this all the time, though. But I’m just not comfortable doing it in public at all. I don’t even feel like it’s an option, unless she got extremely hungry at a strange time and I had absolutely no choice. For me I just feel it’s a really private thing. I’m not comfortable having people see me do it at all. But I’m more of an introverted person in general so maybe that’s why it’s more of a private thing for me.
Before I had my baby seeing other women breastfeed in public make me slightly uncomfortable. Like others have said, I didn’t know how the mother would want me to react to it. Now it doesn’t bother me. But I still do cringe when they don’t try to do it at least a little bit discreetly as some people are just so uncomfortable with it. I know that’s not what you all want to hear, though. One time I saw a mother do it in the middle of a very crowded walkway at the MOA, staring down everyone that walked passed her as if she were daring them to challenge her right to breastfeed in public. I didn’t understand why she didn’t try to go down a less crowded walkway, or use one of those nice lounges in the bathrooms at one of the department stores instead (unless her baby just got very hungry at an irregular time and she just didn’t have a chance, which I totally get).
I was never comfortable breast feeding in public with our first. If we where out, we always went out prepared with a bottle (breatmilk and emergency formula) just in case it was needed. I’m a very private person, so, the idea of doing this in public was not an option. My mother never really understood why I breast feed him and would push me to use a bottle at the beginning.
Amy, that could have been me in the MOA (though I don’t think I ever tried to stare anyone down, and I tried to be as discreet as possible). In that case, my daughter was screaming bloody murder and freaking out to be fed and there wasn’t anywhere nearby to take her and it seemed a lot less disruptive to everyone around us to just sit down and nurse her.
I was really uncomfortable when I first started nursing in public and I kind of wish I’d practiced in front of a mirror a few times so I could see how much I was flashing. I learned pretty quickly (after a horribly embarrassing moment at a restaurant), that if I tried to be discreet and sneaky about nursing, Zoe would inevitably have a fit, drawing lots of attention to us, and then throw off all blankets and shawls and scarves while refusing to latch on. It took a lot to learn to just quickly and casually latch her on without cover and then she’d let me cover her up. I hope I didn’t bother too many people, but I really think they’d have been more bothered by her screams - because she could scream.
This is an interesting discussion. I am a lot less judgmental of public breastfeeding now that I’ve done it, and know how hard it can be to feed a baby and live a semblance of a life. But I will say that I’ve seen women do who are clearly trying to be discreet for the comfort of strangers, and women who are so not trying to be discreet. I mean, you can do it without a blanket covering your baby in different ways. I’ve seen both the I don’t give a f*** way and the I do give a f*** way. You can kind of tell by the angle a woman is using and what you know her options might be. But usually I feel very sympathetic. For me, I tried to arrange my schedule and place so that I could be more comfortable and private with it. Like bathroom lounges, my car, etc.
My most stressful experience was when I was trying to breastfeed my first girl on an airplane (after 10 hours of travel already), sitting right next to an older gentleman. She was screaming, she wouldn’t latch on, she was dehydrated, I was wrestling her under a blanket and it just didn’t work. Then I took her to the plane bathroom. Ohhh, such fun. Still, no go. But yeah…trying to nurse on an airplane, without offending that guy was totally nervewracking. But I really tried. It was just too weird to imagine his discomfort in being about a foot away from my giant boob, with someone sucking on it. I mean, come on. The fact is: breasts are sexualized. They are fertility symbols practically universally. So it’s hard to pry oneself out of the existing culture and people’s sensibilities. But I say the nursing woman and baby come first. Whatever it takes to take care of mom and baby. It’s such a demanding responsibility!
in regards to facebook, they should worry about banning those nasty ads with the wrinkly belly fat that stare me in the face whenever I log on before they hit the breastfeeders. Those are way more offensive to me.
As for breastfeeding in public — to be fair, I only made it 2 weeks breastfeeding and another 4 pumping. It didn’t work for us. But it’s not like people are hocking their big bare breasts out into space. Most women have nursing bras on, so it’s really just nipped anyway, and most of that is in the baby’s mouth. Other than latch on, latch off, who’s seeing actual boob unless they are trying to?
I’m fine with breastfeeding in public. I see it as the baby needs to eat and momma is feeding her child. I think seeing an older child (2 or 3) nursing in public would be different though. I understand about extended breastfeeding, but I don’t think that would be an appropriate place to have a snack.
Personally, I don’t care if there’s a blanket or not a blanket. I figure it’s based on what mom and baby needs and are comfortable with. On the rare times I’ve nursed in public I’ve used a blanket or a cover because I just don’t have the confidence or want some person glaring at me or something. Yes it was obvious what was going on, but that’s okay.
And in the year we’ve been nursing I’ve never taken a picture of DD in the act. It’s just not something I need photographic evidence of. I think some pictures can be done tastefully and are excellent to promote breastfeeding, but I’m not about to go plaster my FB page with photos of DD nursing.
As for my mom, she has been asking since DD was like 6 months old if I was going to start weaning her. She nursed me for about a month. She definitely seems to see it as something that should be covered up or not done in the open. I think a lot of my positive views on breastfeeding come from the time I spent living with my aunt and saw her nursing my cousin.
I am totally supportive of women breastfeeding in public.
I myself am somewhat modest/introvert regarding my body, so any hang-ups were my own doing. My mom was incredibly supportive of breastfeeding - she was a lactation consultant and nurse - so I suppose that is to be expected! I think what got me over my hang-ups was when my friends 7-year old boy came over and asked what I was doing, when I was nursing my son, and after I had explained that he was eating - he proclaimed “he sure likes the booby!” He clearly had no hangups - why should I?
I’m coming up on 11 months of exclusive BFing while working full time and those experienced BFers know that means lots and lots of time with the pump at work. I’m personally really proud that I’ve made it to this point. I had no idea if or how long I’d fare at BFing before having my son. Its been a big committment and I’ve BF in restaurants, airplanes, at ticket counters, in malls, at the zoo, parks, etc. I’ve also pumped in bathrooms, sick rooms, storage closets and in the comfort of my own home (definitely preferable). Bottom line for me - I worked really hard to make BFing work (worked through thrush, oversupply at times and low supply when I got pneumonia) - and I totally support a mom’s right to BF as openly or discretely as she wishes. Its about nuishment for the baby - and trying to time a feeding or cover oneself while getting the latch correct or keeping the baby focused on BFing is just a ridiculous societal expectation to put on a nursing mom. It took me some time before I got comforable BFing in public and I tried the nursing cover and a blanket and using bottles - but I finally just went with it. Baby needs to eat, mom needs to BF at certain increments - its as simple as that.
I joined the facebook group “Hey facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene” and posted a picture of me nursing my child. Anyone else?
I also reviewed the original pics that were “censored” by facebook and some of them were a bit extreme for my tastes.
I’m not going to sit here and defend breastfeeding and how wonderful it is and how it’s the right choice for my family and why no one else should even DARE to have an opinion on how, when or in what manner I feed my child…
But the fact is that the average person is going to feel uncomfortable if they catch a glimpse of someone else’s boobs.
What I don’t like are self-righteous people who think it’s okay to be critical of a new mom who is only trying to do her best. Motherhood is tough enough, we don’t need your attitude on top of it all.
ugh.
I hate even weighing in on this issue because it’s always such a hot button - Why? Breastfeeding is natural, good for baby, and the best part for me when I was doing it - FREE! That is honestly what kept me going…the cost of formula vs. breastfeeding made it easier to keep pumping away with the breast pump - that being said - I was never comfortable breastfeeding in public but kudos to those who are - what’s the big deal? I yet to see a gal with her entire shirt off breastfeeding so barely if anything is showing, yet I see girls with hardly anything on with boobage spilling out all over the place with NO baby attached!! Live and let live I say! My cousin had a baby 2 months ago and her mom was LESS than supportive of her decision to breast feed - I was so disappointed to hear that - it’s not easy (for lots of us!) that’s for sure - a person needs all the support/help/encouragement they can get! Needless to say - she’s no longer breastfeeding!
If you don’t like it - don’t watch! My only regret in regards to breastfeeding? That I don’t have my own personal pics of me breastfeeding my two babies!
I breastfed my son for 9 months and never once fed him in public. I was just never comfortable doing so, and actually feel slightly uncomfortable when seeing other mothers feeding in public. I’m not an introverted person, I like to think I’m fairly outgoing, but that’s just something I personally don’t want to see. I’d bring formula and a bottle out with us for when he needed to be fed, and it worked out well. I know that doesn’t work for everyone, nor am I suggesting that’s what other moms should do, I’m just stating what worked for me. I’m due next month and plan to do the same for my daughter as well.
I nursed my son until he was 12.5 months old. I had a terrible time trying to cover him in public, he’d always rip at the blanket, so I would finally give up and just try to only show what had to show.
In regards to FB, it really depends on how much is showing. I thought about getting professional black and white photos taken of us nursing, but decided not to as I didn’t really know who I’d feel comfortable showing them to.
I also pumped at work and honestly felt more modest about that. Occaisonally two women were in the pumping room and I hated having to share the space.
As for my mom, she and my mother in law were very supportive, until he turned 1. Then it was, “When are you going to stop?” “Hasn’t it been long enough?” Well, I did wean a few weeks after his birthday before going on vacation and it was fine, but had I not had the trip planned I think I would have continued his am and pm feedings, regardless of their comments.
I’ll certainly nurse my next when they come along until they are at least a year old, and I imagine I’ll have to do it in public more since I’ll have an older one.
Hmmm. Interesting. I do understand that people are uncomfortable seeing boobs - even if just a small sliver of flesh - in public. But, the people complaining about seeing a millimeter of upper chest skin on a nursing mom better not be the people who have no concern about the jiggly-cleavage-swaying images of young women we see plastered all over the place.
I suspect the squirmies that people get seeing women breastfeed isn’t so much that they can see boob. Really, if you’ve looked at a nursing woman, you can’t see much, if any, flesh. I’ve NEVER seen a nipple on another breastfeeding woman, even when I was sitting right next to her. I suspect the squirminess comes from the IDEA that a woman close by has another human sucking on her breast, even if that other human is a baby/child who is eating. Our culture just isn’t used to the idea of breastfeeding. That is especially if the child eating is an older child (point made by Athena’s comment above). Breastfeeding just has not been a part of our society. After all, people are not uncomfortable looking at a plastic or rubber nipple openly feeding a child. If people displayed rubber or plastic renditions of other private body parts, people would go bonkers. It’s just that Americans are USED to seeing plastic nipples feeding babies.
I breastfeed my almost 8 month old whenever necessary - we try to make sure to eat before going out, but I also do what I’m going to do, regardless of whether that means she’ll need to eat at some point during the trip. Isn’t that one of the awesome parts about breastfeeding - that you can do it anywhere without having to bring supplies?
Sometimes we use a blanket, sometimes not - honestly, it usually depends on what I’m wearing, and how comfortable the area I’m sitting is, since I’d prefer everyone in the world not see my whole stomach and a baby head on a table can get kind of hard.
However, no matter where I’ve been, everyone has been nothing but supportive. I especially like the Carter’s store in the MOA for having an awesome set up - a nice rocking chair, a comfy changing table, and a curtain for those who would prefer a little privacy. I am committed to giving them my business with their support.
Just wanted to say congratulations to all the women that have breastfed their kids. I breastfed both of my kids for over a year. My MIL didnot BF her 3 boys and do not offer much advice. My SIL was very unsupportive and always pushed formula on me. My husband was supportive until they turned 1 and pushed for whole milk. It is very hard commiting yourself to doing something that is very beneficial to you child but when you have little support. So even if you decided not to BF in public, kudos to you for even BF!
I do support people that breastfeed 100%. But I also think bottle feeding is just as good. I tried breastfeeding my first son and it didn’t go so well, so I didn’t even try with my 2nd son and am perfectly happy bottle feeding. As for the public issue, I don’t see why people make a big deal out of it. The baby has to be fed! BUT, I guess I feel that it’s nice if people at least try and cover up a little bit. If you don’t, you have to expect people to stare and make comments because that’s just how our society is!!
I happen to love Facebook and use it all of the time to keep in touch with friends. Personally, I don’t even understand why someone would want to post a picture of themself breastfeeding…I think it’s weird. But that is just my opinion! To each their own.
I wonder what about a mother breastfeeding her child publicly would make someone feel awkward. It is a sad sad country we live in that breastfeeding should feel awkward, uncomfortable, sexualized, etc. That is absurd. I don’t feel that a mother should have to hide the fact that she is nursing her child. It is hands down the heathiest form of nutrition a baby could possibily receive. Formula is junk in comparison to breastmilk. There is absolutely no debate there. I feel rather strongly that more mothers should get over their awkwardness and just nurse their babies whenever and whereever they may be. Who cares what a stranger may think? I would bet that much of why others out there view breastfeeding as “strange” is because it is not seen enough in our daily lives. If it became more commonplace in the public sphere it would most likely not be as much of an issue.
Amanda-I am sorry, I think it is a pretty bold statement to say that formula is “junk”. My 4 year old son is completely healthy and has been sick A LOT less than many breast fed kids that I know. My 2 month old is formula fed and on a great track. I have nothing against breast feeding, but formula feeding is a very healthy alternative. I know this argument could go on forever and ever because no one will completely agree. But it is really bothersome to hear someone say formula is junk.
Brianna - I’ve been in your exact position and totally agree with you. Breast feeding did not work with either of my 2 children–and certainly not for lack of trying. Sometimes the best thing you can do is go with formula. But to hear someone say you gave your child junk just breaks my heart a little bit. I did the best I could do.
I agree that formula is not junk. I consider myself fortunate to be able to exclusively breastfeed my child. So many of my friends tried to do this as well, but just weren’t successful at it for various reasons. But it wasn’t for lack of trying or caring. I certainly do not judge those that give their babies formula. It is a healthy alternative and sometimes breastfeeding just will not work.
Regarding nursing in public, it is not OK to ask an adult to cover their head with a blanket or take their food into the bathroom, if they are eating in public. Why should we treat babies and young children with any less respect? They are simply getting their nutrition, comfort, and bonding. ___
If a mother feels the need to ‘cover up’ while nursing in public for personal reasons, that is fine but it is not OK for society to pressure a mother into it for social reasons. I’m sure there are many other countries that don’t have this problem. ___
I encourage everyone to check out this blog: http://www.mothering.com/jenniferjames/
___
History shows that there wasn’t always social pressure to cover up in the U.S. There are some wonderful pictures on the blog.
Regarding formula as junk…
I understand that some women choose to or cannot breastfeed.
But I feel that the public does not know what is in formula, and does not know that it is NOT REQUIRED to be a sterile product.
Babies (and toddlers) who are breastfeeding are *eating.* If women should be encouraged to put a blanket over the heads of an eating person, doesn’t it follow that we should all have to put a blanket over our heads while eating?
And what is more vile: catching a glimpse of a woman’s nipple or seeing a hunk of dead, ground-up and re-formed cow muscle between two bleached-flour buns? Maybe you’re “lovin’ it” but I think the later too gross to watch.
re: breastfeeding and facebook -
I looked at the Jennifer James pictures in the site above. I also looked at the banned pictures from facebook. There is pretty much no comparison. The majority of the JJ pics are women breastfeeding in public, and I think that without head covering or anything that most of us would consider these women being fairly discreet. Yes, there’s some boob. But it’s still discreet, without inhibiting the bonding, etc. But I consider myself pretty liberal and feminists, and I probably agree with facebook with at least 75% of the cases in the banned pic section — these are pictures of women naked from the waist up, many of them with the breast not being used exposed, and a good group of them feeding children from toddler age and up. I’m not a prude by any means. But I know that teenagers and even tweens use the site. There has to be some sort of rule. A few pictures were even naked moms with babies near the breast. FB has to draw a line somewhere, and it needs to be a hard line, so yes, some pictures that probably are ok would have to go to hold that standard. So be it. That’s how new business models get created — they can all get together and form a non-anti boob facebook-like group if they want. I bet they’d get good ad money on it.
As for “junk”, I think Molly is trying to say that she thinks of meat as “junk”. I think many of us think of it as good nutrition that helps children stay healthy and grow. Obviously that’s how those of us who could not or chose not to breastfeed view formula. I think a lot of herbal supplements are junk — others think they are wonder drugs. So be it.
Karen-There may be controversy about what goes into formula, but what about the chemicals a mother breathes in or gets in her body? Some of this ends up in her breast milk. Again, not knocking breast feeding at all…but it’s pretty much impossible to avoid the nasty stuff in our environment today. Sorry-I know this is off the subject of breast feeding in public, but it just really hits a nerve for me when people say bad things about formula.
