My lawn was excited for all the rain, but my tomatoes were not. After two days, the fruits started to crack. Purple, yellow, red — Every plant had at least five time bombs just seconds away from exploding into seeds and pulp.

I harvested as many ripe (and near-ripe) tomatoes as I could carry and gingerly set them on the kitchen counter. Then I rummaged through the fridge and found a bulb of garlic (Wisconsin), an onion (Wisconsin), a lime, an orange, a bunch of cilantro (all three not from Wisconsin) and a Bulgarian Carrot Pepper (from my garden, not from Bulgaria).

Bulgarian Carrot Pepper

There was only one thing left to do: Make some tasty salsa!

I tuned into KMOJ for a little “Back in the Day” with Ray Richardson, whipped out a cutting board, and started seeding, chopping and crushing. I was proud of my preparedness — and my cleverness. I had just saved myself and my tomatoes from disaster.

Then, puffed up on pride, I violated one of the cardinal laws of cooking: Do not touch your face after chopping a hot pepper. (I thought that Bulgarian Carrot Peppers were a 2 out of 5… but they are actually a 4.)

The moment I scratched my nose, my world exploded into a blur of firery chaos. My nostrils burst into flames and snot started to run. I grabbed a tissue, then my upper lip started to burn. Tears rolled down my face. I tried stopping them with the back of my hand, then promptly put hot pepper in my eye.

I ran to the bathroom to wash my face, but the burning (and my vision) only got worse. The pepper pain was unstoppable. I ran back into the kitchen, sliced up a cucumber and put slices over my eyes to cut the heat. My nostrils were still burning, but luckily, I had enough sense to stop myself from stuffing cucumber wedges up my nose.

“Yogurt! I have yogurt in the fridge!”

I spread yogurt over my nose and mouth… just as the BF walked in the door.

“What the hell happened to you?” He turned red and then turned away, trying his hardest not to laugh.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I was able to salvage the salsa, sorta. I was so freaked out by my hot pepper, that I got the proportions all wrong and the concoction kinda turned into a chunky gazpacho.

Yeah, yellow tomatoes and red tomatoes don’t look so hot together, but they sure taste good.

More adventures in eating local will be posted tomorrow… Any advice for handling hot peppers would be most welcome.

What does a pineapple tomato look like? Are Snow White cherry tomatoes red or white on the inside? Can paste tomatoes grow in Minnesota? What about sun-dried?

For the tomato curious, I highly recommend swinging by the Dowling Community Gardens this Saturday, Aug. 18 for their annual Heirloom Festival. From 10am to 1pm, you can try over 30 varieties of heirloom slicers, cherry, paste and sun-dried tomatoes. The volunteer staff is super friendly and super knowledgeable. Vote for you favorite heirloom tomato and get some tips from the growers. Last year, my friend Sandra and I were kicking ourself for not bringing along a crisp baguette and some fresh mozzarella.

Dowling Community Gardens are located at 46th Avenue and 39th Street, Minneapolis, MN. The garden is also a part of Saturday’s Parade of Community Gardens, so don’t be afraid to check out what other gardeners are growing.

Forget the peppers, cukes and greens. This weekend, my garden was all about the tomato… and basil.

I gotta admit, I’m a little disappointed in my crop Purple Calabash (left). Though they are tasty, they are not exactly purple are they?

By September, my yellow pear plant (right) will have eaten the house… Oh, speaking of yellow pears…. In the beginning of June, I had too many tomato seedlings and not enough garden. My boss’s wife, Helene promised to give an extra pear tomato plant a good home. With sprawling and fruitful branches, the monster bush now shames its garden neighbors. She’s been eating the little yellow light bubs for almost two weeks.

Like a proud parent, I love getting updates from my (tomato) children. Thanks for the photo, Helene!

Greengirl note to self:

Next time you grow peppers, please be judicious in your pruning. Do not take pity on poorly positioned blooms, even if they are the first to yield fruit. As examplified by this Wisconsin Lakes Bell, a petite pepper can quickly become a perplexing problem.

You thought it could safely grow between two branches, but the stem did not turn towards the ground. Instead, the fruit grew in place, UPSIDE-DOWN. It swelled bigger and bigger with each watering. An now, the precocious pepper has molded itself around the rest of the plant. It is stuck, stuck, stuck.

You cannot pick it. You cannot wedge it out. All you can do is hope that the fruit-laden branches do not break. If they do, instead of half a dozen peppers, you will have one pepper problem.

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How are your peppers performing? Do you have any red beauties yet? Do you like them sweet or hot?

Get the toaster going! Grab the mayo! The best eating of the season is here! It’s TLB time!

(In case you’re wondering, a TLB is a BLT with its priorities straight.)

I had my first straight-from-the-garden tomatoes this weekend and they were umm-umm great. I had: sliced tomatoes; sliced tomatoes with grilled eggplant; sliced tomatoes with a little bit of sea salt, olive oil, basil and goat cheese; and, best of all, a TLB. Now tomato, lettuce and bacon sandwiches are going to be on the menu at least once a week until I run out of tomatoes.

What’s coming up in your garden and heading straight for the dinner table? Got any simple recipies you’re willing to share?