Guest post COW: Sassbottom prefers shredded Wie

Posted on January 12th, 2007 – 11:51 AM
By Michael Rand

We gave him the forum, and we imagined it might come to this. But ladies and gentlemen, these are his 300 words. He earned them, and he thought them through. Sassbottom checks in right here (sorry about the font … something about cutting, pasting, etc.):

It’s time I come clean with RandBall Nation. Despite being a frequent
contributor to RandBall and this week’s COW, I have some shortcomings to which I must finally admit. I, Sassbottom, am a filthy, sexist pig.
I haven’t always been this way, mind you. It’s developed over time,
starting a few years back, when a young girl from Hawaii first developed
a following as the Next Big Thing in golf. “Michelle Wie can hit the
ball a mile,” the story went. “Isn’t that amazing?” I, like most people, was impressed at first. Because when a lanky 15-year-old girl can do something like that, it’s impressive. It’s something you don’t see too often. Like a squirrel on waterskis. Or Evel Knievel. You watch them do their thing and say, “Wow. That’s pretty cool.” And then, when the neat-o demonstration is over, what are you left with, exactly? Nothing. And that’s why I’m a sexist pig. Because I’m no longer impressed with a little girl’s delusions of finding success on the PGA Tour. Michelle Wie is the Bearded Lady of professional golf. I’ve seen the sideshow and I’ve moved on.

To wit, check out ESPN’s golf page. Go ahead. Do it now. I’ll wait. There she is. The lead story, dangly earrings and all. She shot a 78 in the first round, 15 strokes off the lead. She’s going to miss the cut for the seventh time. Why is this a story at all, much less the lead? At what point can (or should) golf fans cease to be impressed by this carnival attraction? You want to impress me, Wie? Turn down one of those exemptions. Then issue a statement: “Thanks, but I’m not able to compete on that level.” That would be impressive.

As the old saying goes, she had me at hello. It was a nice run. Now go away.

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