By Michael Rand
Each week, we will square off with Lizzy, co-author of the blog “Babes Love Baseball” and a die-hard fan of Boston sports. Ever since we made an innocent comment over on her site about Curt Schilling perhaps painting his “bloody” sock in 2004, we’ve been Internet rivals. In this weekly feature, we will square off against her on a series of topics, with each of us taking turns going first. We were, ahem, gentlemen and let her have the final word for a third consecutive week. If it seems as though Lizzy is incoherent — and a bit tipsy — it’s probably because she worked 900 hours last week and finally had a day off recently. Or maybe it’s just her way. (We kid!) On to the good stuff.
RandBall: Lizzy, as you well know, Boston “rookie” Daisuke Matsuzaka was knocked around pretty hard Sunday by a bunch of Baltimore scrubs. Two non-roster invitees hit home runs of your $103 million man, and he wilted at the first sign of trouble by throwing away a potential double-play ball. What does this mean? Well, it’s obvious: His tenure with the Red Sox is destined to be a complete failure. But if you don’t want to take our word for it, please allow the overwhelming power of anagrams to influence you. All of the following are anagrams for “Daisuke Matsuzaka,” and we think you have to agree that none of them are all too flattering.
A DATA AUK SIZE MUSK — An auk, of course, is a penguin-like bird. We choose to interpret musk as a scent. This can only mean, then, that when analyzing the data, Dice-K has a large penguin-like smell. Not so good.
AMUSED? ASK A AUK ZIT — You think this is funny? Ask that bird pimple.
KAMIKAZE SAD TAU US — Just the word kamikaze alone should be enough.
MAD AUKS AUK AT SIZE — These enraged birds are unhappy about Dice-K’s small stature.
In short, we’re sorry to say your favorite team has wasted $103 million on an inferior product. Then again, what more would you expect from Yankees Lite?
Lizzy: Two words, Rand: Spring Training.
Cut the guy a little slack, will ya? Yes, he cost the Red Sox some sweet moola, however, we’re what, barely a month into spring training? I don’t think its fair to judge a player based on how well they do in games that don’t even count. Based on that theory, I should be writing thank you notes to the front office for blowing 78 bajillion dollars on JD Drew. Because, well, he actually hit the ball. But I’m nowhere sold on that. Dice-K was brilliant during the WBC, and there was a reason teams were bidding ridiculous amout of money to sign him. He’s a great pitcher, and he proved that during his first two spring traininging outings against Boston College and the Marlins when he pitched like he was well, worth exactly the money the Sox paid for him. Please, of course the media is going to jump all over the guy’s first rough start, because they love to ask questions like, “Oooh, wow, he stunk during a spring training game, is he worth it?” Come ON! So the next time Johan Santana has a bad outing, can we ask if he deserves the kind of money that the Twins are likely to spend on him when the season’s up? Of course not. Talk to me in July when he’s got the best ERA in the majors. That is all.