“I’m afraid, sir, I must ask you for the key, and the recall code. Have you got them handy, sir?”: LeBron James is building a 35,000 square foot house, complete with a recording studio, a bowling alley, an aquarium and a barbershop, among other things. It’s only a little smaller than a Best Buy nearby in Ohio. Well, at least it doesn’t have a sports bar inside. Wait. It has that, too. Sorry, it’s just too much. It’s the little touches — and the extra 25,000 or so square feet — that turn this from a luxury privilege to a monument of excess.
“Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation.”: Yeah, that’s nothing more than a fancy way of saying that the Wild has clinched a playoff berth. Single-game tickets go on sale April 7. Those are playoff tickets, by the way. Unless you’re a Twins fan, you might have forgotten what those were.

“Well, I, uh, don’t think it’s quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.”: See, it was just one little thing … a whole bunch of times. Such is life for the Bengals’ Chris Henry, who was cited for three traffic violations. Those, of course, are on top of his four arrests in 14 months. When he’s covered during games by Pacman Jones, there has to be a temptation to just arrest one or both of them on general principle.

“So we’re both sorry, alright? Alright.”: Throwing celery at soccer matches will not be tolerated. DO YOU UNDERSTAND! From a Reuters story (via With Leather): “Chelsea have banned three of their fans after they were caught throwing celery during the team’s FA Cup win at Tottenham Hotspur, the Premier League champions said on Tuesday. Two of them were arrested for throwing celery during the quarter-final replay on March 19, while a third was spotted throwing the vegetable and later identified to the club. … Though celery has recently been landing on the pitch, Chelsea fans have been throwing it among themselves, and singing an unprintable song about the vegetable, for more than two decades.

Yep, we found the song. Yep, we can’t print it.

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