Wednesday (Dr. Strangelove) edition: Wha’ happened?
Posted on March 28th, 2007 – 8:00 AMBy Michael Rand
“I’m afraid, sir, I must ask you for the key, and the recall code. Have you got them handy, sir?”: LeBron James is building a 35,000 square foot house, complete with a recording studio, a bowling alley, an aquarium and a barbershop, among other things. It’s only a little smaller than a Best Buy nearby in Ohio. Well, at least it doesn’t have a sports bar inside. Wait. It has that, too. Sorry, it’s just too much. It’s the little touches — and the extra 25,000 or so square feet — that turn this from a luxury privilege to a monument of excess.
“Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation.”: Yeah, that’s nothing more than a fancy way of saying that the Wild has clinched a playoff berth. Single-game tickets go on sale April 7. Those are playoff tickets, by the way. Unless you’re a Twins fan, you might have forgotten what those were.
“Well, I, uh, don’t think it’s quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.”: See, it was just one little thing … a whole bunch of times. Such is life for the Bengals’ Chris Henry, who was cited for three traffic violations. Those, of course, are on top of his four arrests in 14 months. When he’s covered during games by Pacman Jones, there has to be a temptation to just arrest one or both of them on general principle.
“So we’re both sorry, alright? Alright.”: Throwing celery at soccer matches will not be tolerated. DO YOU UNDERSTAND! From a Reuters story (via With Leather): “Chelsea have banned three of their fans after they were caught throwing celery during the team’s FA Cup win at Tottenham Hotspur, the Premier League champions said on Tuesday. Two of them were arrested for throwing celery during the quarter-final replay on March 19, while a third was spotted throwing the vegetable and later identified to the club. … Though celery has recently been landing on the pitch, Chelsea fans have been throwing it among themselves, and singing an unprintable song about the vegetable, for more than two decades.
Yep, we found the song. Yep, we can’t print it.
5 Responses to "Wednesday (Dr. Strangelove) edition: Wha’ happened?"
Did the song have anything to do with precious bodily fluids?
Stu: It was more about a “means to an enjoyable conclusion,” if you follow.
Bodily Fluids. Didn’t Sergio spit in the cup?
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Mandrake!
I went to an Arsenal game a few months back, and they were playing Tottenham. Tottenham fans are mostly Jewish (so I’m told) and the Arsenal fans repeatedly sang a song about — well, let’s just say the Brits show a lot less sympathy towards the Holocaust than we do. Pretty brutal stuff. Hooligans scare me.
What I learned last night: the RandBall comment filter, usually just a lurking, first-grade-teacher-like presence that makes sure we don’t swear, has now decided to take a more active role in determining what words we can and cannot use. It is trying to change the very lexicon of sports.
I cannot speak the word under discussion, for it will set off a red flag in the machine. But it will change the way sports are played in this town. When Carlos Silva is having trouble finding the correct arm angle with which to toss his sinker (the correct angle being any that is at least ten miles from a major league ballpark), the machine will have him search in vain for the correct arm —-. If the Vikings want to line up two wide receivers on one side of the field, the one closest to the football will just have to find a new way of lining up, perhaps as a wing back. And if Mark Parrish may never score a goal for the Wild again, because the RandBall filter has eliminated the space between the faceoff circles.
Be afraid, fellow humans. Be very afraid.
