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Here’s your pound of flesh

Posted on April 20th, 2007 – 3:55 PM
By Michael Rand

000000001flesh.JPGWell, we got the Game 4 part right (that was the easier one, obviously), but the Wild did not win Game 5, much to the chagrin of our *keen* prediction sense. So, much to (we’re sure) your delight, we are following through with a list of the five things we’ve been wrong about before in the sporting world. Honestly, this might not even be the top five. We could do a much longer list. But this is at least a list of five things we were previously wrong about (as a special bonus, these things also appeared in print. Whee!):

5. Jason Bartlett vs. Juan Castro. We wrote this for publication on April 3, 2006: Juan Castro … won’t hit much, but he’ll catch the ball and turn two pretty nicely with Luis Castillo. This throwback shortstop will solidify a Twins infield defense that was looking sketchy, the reason he got the nod over the better hitter, Jason Bartlett. Um, no.
4. This one we don’t feel quite as bad about because we were simply following orders. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s still ridiculous. Jan. 11, 2001: [Wasswa] Serwanga was part of a defensive rebirth in the Vikings’ 34-16 playoff victory over the Saints. With a more aggressive scheme in place — one that placed more responsibility on his shoulders — Serwanga responded with three pass breakups to go along with six tackles. A burned corner had turned the corner. You might recall things didn’t work out quite so well a few days later for Wasswa and his pals in the NFC title game.
3. We were in the majority here. A very wrong majority. Jan. 8, 2007: Ohio State vs. Florida: When Ohio State is up by 17 points in the fourth quarter, casual fans should be really upset that USC gagged against UCLA this season. You might recall Florida won the BCS Championship. Handily.

2. Sometimes it’s as though we just can’t wait to be wrong. Like on Dec. 26, 2005: The NFC is too unpredictable for the 13-2 Seahawks to represent it in the Super Bowl. Plus, there’s still something untrustworthy about Seattle. It feels like a year when a surprise team will get to the big game. Right. That worked out well.
1. On September 8, 2000, we achieved a rare sportswriting double-play. Not only did we write a lead to the story that is still mocked in the newsroom — Knock-knock. Who’s there? Opportunity. — but in the predictions segment accompanying the article (about the Eastview high school football team’s emergence to power), we called an upset: Eastview had one breakthrough last week, getting its first win ever over Apple Valley. Playing at home against an Eden Prairie team with key injuries, the Lightning will pull off the upset. Final score? Eden Prairie 45, Eastview 13. One Eden Prairie player, we’re told, later described our prediction by using a combination of 1) our name, 2) the word “ridiculous” and 3) another word that’s not printable. He had it about right.

14 Responses to "Here’s your pound of flesh"

Stu says:

April 20th, 2007 at 4:42 pm

Wasswa Serwanga. Defensive rebirth. I have no joke here.

Dave MN says:

April 20th, 2007 at 4:53 pm

Oh, those Eden Prairie kids and their creative ways to demonstrate that they don’t only *think* they’re better than everyone, but that they, in fact, *are* better than everyone. I mean, they even make up words to degrade their doubters. Fantastic!

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Inaccuracy.

RandBall says:

April 20th, 2007 at 5:01 pm

Inaccuracy who? Inaccuracy you. … See, I could start all stories like that.

Stu says:

April 20th, 2007 at 5:05 pm

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

The Black Crusaders. (That joke will only be funny to those who watched 30 Rock last night.)

Ryan P. says:

April 20th, 2007 at 5:19 pm

Stu, The Black Crusaders were absolute genius. They tanked that 50 Cent movie!

Sooze says:

April 21st, 2007 at 9:31 am

It’s okay Rand. I’ve called a Braves/Twins world series matchup every year since ‘92. Which makes me wrong since I was like, 11.

Stu says:

April 21st, 2007 at 8:12 pm

Is it weird that I miss RandBall on weekends?

RandBall says:

April 22nd, 2007 at 11:54 am

If missing RandBall is wrong, you don’t want to know what’s right.

Stu says:

April 22nd, 2007 at 1:32 pm

You see, I could comment over on TBABNACJCVBQCACG, but Marthaler only allows commenters if they send him a 5,000-word essay on the glory of Thomas Vacek written in one’s own blood, and that damnable restraining order prevents me from commenting at the Babes’ place. I suppose I could try to fill the void with religion or spending time with my family, but it’s just not the same.

Stu says:

April 22nd, 2007 at 7:33 pm

Thomas Vanek.

Jon says:

April 23rd, 2007 at 12:19 am

Stu - I’d prefer an essay on why Grant Potulny was the best Gopher captain in history, but I suppose that seems unlikely.

Honestly, I didn’t know I had the “no anonymous comments” setting on. Foolish of me.

Stu says:

April 23rd, 2007 at 7:55 am

Jon: it says more that I’m too lazy to actually set up an account.

Jon says:

April 23rd, 2007 at 9:13 am

Well, I turned off that setting, so you can now anonymously slander me as much as you want. Everything’s really coming up Stu.

Stu says:

April 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 am

Jon: for the record, if I slander you (a pretty likely possibility, given my pettiness and deep well of self-hatred), I’ll make a note that it’s me.