StarTribune.com

Wisconsin hockey player: “Because we were stupid”

Posted on June 21st, 2007 – 4:08 PM
By Michael Rand

000000000000000000001cow.jpgWisconsin men’s hockey, which in the immortal words of former Star Tribune writer Tom Jones (when describing the Wild) tries to win every game one-half to zero, has bigger problems than a boring style of play. From Madison.com (and again, thanks to a heads up from Jeff Shelman, who can spot a RandBall-worthy story like an NL batter can spot a hittable Kyle Lohse pitch. Oh, and bold type for emphasis is ours, as usual):

University of Wisconsin hockey player Kyle Klubertanz and former hockey player Jeffrey Slinde were each assessed $200 fines today for tipping over a cow last August in front of the Kohl Center, home of Badger hockey.

Klubertanz, 21, of Sun Prairie, and Slinde, 22, of Madison, were on their way home from the campus bar scene at about 2 a.m. on Aug. 3 when they decided to tip over one of the more than 100 sculpted and decorated cows which graced various parts of Madison last summer as the Wisconsin CowParade.

They tipped over one of three cows which were placed near the Kohl Center and were spotted doing so by workers at the Kohl Center who called police.

When officers arrived at the scene and asked the pair why they tipped over the Badger-red clad cow, Klubertanz replied: “We were stupid.”

All three of the Kohl center bovines, “Moo Rah Rah Wisconsin;” “If you want to be a Moosaic, come along with me,” and “Looking for Bucky,” were tipped over during the summer, according to the Milk Marketing Board, which sponsored the event.

After a brief court session today, Klubertanz, who will be a senior in the fall, said he thought it was the Bucky cow that he and Slinde tipped over. The base of the cow was damaged as was the right side above the udder and the left hoof. … The primary beneficiary of the auction was the new American Family Children’s Hospital at the UW.

48 Responses to "Wisconsin hockey player: “Because we were stupid”"

Brandon says:

June 21st, 2007 at 5:06 pm

So a couple college kids get drunk and end up rolling around with a cow? Sounds like a typical Wisconsin evening to me.

Jon says:

June 21st, 2007 at 6:09 pm

Reminds me of when UW goon Brad Winchester punched a cop, leading to one of the great newspaper headlines of all time:

HOCKEY BALBOA

Stu says:

June 21st, 2007 at 7:15 pm

While I appreciate RandBall bolding the funny parts for my short attention span, did anyone manage to catch the names of the betipped cows? What. The. Hell.

Dave MN says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 8:10 am

Stu: This is Wisconsin we’re talking about here…I would think that surprise was no longer a viable response to their actions…

And Jon, “Hockey Balboa” would only be surpassed by “Hee-Hawes”

Dave MN says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 8:19 am

For a post with cows involved there was surprisingly little talk of the COW. I’m disappointed that this opportunity was missed. And, no, I’m not volunteering to be the COW, because I’m busy from 9:00 a.m. onward. Sorry, I know you were hoping for it.

Nathan says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 8:43 am

Drunken Sconnies. Better dead than red.

Stu says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 8:48 am

Crap, I forgot, too. I’m volunteering Jon. He hasn’t been it for almost two or three months. The NHL Draft is today, so he might have something to offer.

Elizabeth says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 am

“did anyone manage to catch the names of the betipped cows? What. The. Hell.”

The names are all references to mascots or songs affiliated with sporting events:

-The end of the song “Varsity” goes “U-rah-rah Wisconsin”. Wisconsin students sing this a lot at sporting events and at graduation.

-Another song used at sporting events has the opening line, “If you want to be a Badger, come along with me.”

-Finally, Bucky Badger is the UW-Madison mascot.

Moosaic is the name for one of the cow statues.

I don’t think it’s any cheesier (sorry for the pun) than having statues of Peanuts characters all around. At least these are for a good cause.

And yes, I’m a Madison alum.

Dave MN says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 am

Shoot, I thought the moderator would catch a sconnie before infiltration…

Just clownin’, Elizabeth. Do the kids still say “clownin’”?

Stu says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:14 am

Elizabeth: as a major-market radio personality might say, “we’re happy for you.”

Elizabeth says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:18 am

Oh, I’m not offended. I know good-natured border-ripping when I see it. And I live in Minneapolis and get to see all sorts of goofy Gopher-related phenomena.

Seriously, “Sis-Boom-Ah and a Ski-U-Mah”? And while not U of M related, a bronze statue of Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat in the air?

roughkat says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:24 am

Box.

Stu says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 9:49 am

Not being a “U” grad, ripping on Goldy is fine by me. But you take that back about Mary Tyler Moore. You take that back!

Nathan says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 10:18 am

Hey now! How did a cheesehead get in here? RandBall, do you seriously allow this traitorous behavior?

Sports news without access, favor, or discretion. » Crimes Pac Man Jones Has Not Been Charged With: Cow Tipping In Madison Is Absolutely Unacceptable says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 10:42 am

[…] But this sort of vandalism, this we can get behind. Wisconsin hockey player Kyle Klubertanz and former hockey player Jeffrey Slinde were each assessed $200 fines yesterday for tipping over a cow last August in front of the Kohl Center, home of Badger hockey. Klubertanz and Slinde were on their way home from the campus bar scene at about 2 a.m. on Aug. 3 when they decided to tip over one of the more than 100 sculpted and decorated cows which graced various parts of Madison last summer as the Wisconsin CowParade. […]

ramon says:

June 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 pm

What a couple of wusses. In our day we’d only tip over live cows. The ones that go moo. Last time was on the drive home from River Falls after seeing (RIP) Kurt Vonnegut speak at UW-River Falls. If you’d ever been to a Kurt Vonnegut lecture you’d understand our motivation.

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