A few days ago, we mentioned that Wally Backman and Mark tennis player what’s his name have reality TV shows. We figure it’s only a matter of time until everyone in the U.S. of A. has a show, and we wanted to get a head start with some themes for local sports figures. Jon took this challenge to heart, coming up with five different premises. It’s hard to say Jon was particularly tasteful when coming up with his list. But then again, is that really a surprise? Jon:

1) “On the Block” — Kevin McHale, Terry Ryan, Doug Risebrough, and the Good Ship Viking are each given one red paper clip (just like this guy), with instructions to turn it into whatever they can. (Predictions: McHale ends up with nothing, and the Cincinnati Reds end up with a paper clip.)

2) “Dork vs. Lewk” — Every week, a video game dweeb takes on Lew Ford at a randomly selected video game. It could be NES, it could be World of Warcraft. It’s completely random. If Lew wins, the dork has to take batting practice against Pat Neshek, then run around the bases while Lew pelts him with dodgeballs. If the gamer wins, Lew has to tell one of his more-popular teammates a story about playing video games on the internet, while the teammate recoils in horror.

3) “T-Hud’s Rapstravaganza” — Three people are locked into sound booths and forced to listen while Troy Hudson freestyles. There are no winners. [Proprietor note: We might have edited this one out if we hadn’t heard Jon’s mic skills before and determined them to be quite fresh, thus putting him in a position to judge other performers].

4) “Face of the Franchise” — Every week, one Minnesota Wild player and one Vikings offensive lineman walk down opposite sides of Nicollet Mall at the same time. The first one to get asked for an autograph and correctly identified by a passerby wins. In the case of two round trips with no requests, both players lose, and each is required to sit dejectedly near the fountain in the IDS Building while wearing his own replica jersey and listening to “Hello” by Lionel Richie.

5) “Cedric Griffin’s Pants-Off Dance-Off” — Name says it all.

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