Guest post: Roughkat, movies and baseball
Posted on July 10th, 2007 – 12:00 PMBy Michael Rand
This is a terrific idea that we couldn’t have pulled off. Kudos, Roughkat. Take it away:
All-Time Movie Fantasy Baseball Team
If you haven’t read McSweeny’s article on putting together a baseball team of Nintendo characters, do it now. With that in mind, here’s my lineup for a baseball team of only characters from movies, keeping in mind we want them for their fantasy stats. They have to be fictional characters. Obviously Shoeless Joe Jackson would start, but let’s have some fun with this.
1B - Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball)
Tore up the Japanese league once he realized not to charge the pitcher after being beaned. Also had a moustache and was quite the prankster.
2B - Lou Collins (Little Big League)
Probably more of a utility player but also a clubhouse leader. He will date the coach’s mom, but we can create a separate stat category for that.
SS - Benny Rodriguez (The Sandlot)
Plenty of wheels, good for steals and triples.
3B - Kelly Leak (Bad News Bears)
Plenty of production from this corner of the field. Off-field incidents could become a problem.
RF - Roy Hobbs (The Natural)
Huge power numbers, especially for a right fielder. This guy crushed the ball.
CF - Willie Mays Hayes (Major League)
The guy had over 100 steals. Thats huge. Not sure what his average was, but he obviously got on base a lot. Probably not a power hitter, but good for plenty of numbers.
LF - Pedro Cerrano (Major League)
Even JC couldn’t hit a curve ball.
C - Billy Brubaker (Summer Catch)
Most would probably say Crash Davis but he was more of a team leader than stat leader. Brubaker started slowly in the Cape Cod league, but then went on a hitting terror. Zoinks!
P - Henry Rowengartner (Rookie Of The Year)
Especially if you have a dynasty team, this is your man. Huge speed. Smart baserunner. And he’s only 13. Plenty of gas in the tank.
Discuss amongst yourselves.
24 Responses to "Guest post: Roughkat, movies and baseball"
Who is your head coach?
One could argue for Billy Heywood(little big league).
The kid knew how to coach and own a major league organization.
I’d probably try to make a spot on the roster for Madonna’s character in A League of Their Own. Those bus rides get pretty lonely and I’d rather sit next to Madonna than, say, Tom Selleck and his forest of sweaty body hair.
I’m just amazed that roughkat admitted to viewing Summer Catch.
Give me Nuke LaLoosh (Bull Durham) as my pitcher any day. The Rowengartner was a one-trick pony, whereas Nuke could even breathe through his eyelids. Let’s see Henry do that.
Geena Davis’s character from A League of Their Own would be a good selection as a catcher as well. I bet she could handle Nuke.
No Tim Robbins from Bull Durham?
oops didn’t see MR’s comment at the time of posting.
Rookie - I like Billy Haywood, but with Lou on the roster already, there’s going to be some tension in the club house with the second baseman [redacted] the coach’s mom.
Brandon - I wanted her on the team as well, but had to be fictional characters. I’m also not sure her offensive stats stack up.
Stu - It was part of a triple feature at the drive in back in the day. Of course, I don’t remember the other movies. Best last line ever: “Let’s be together.” I agree Jessica.
Ryan - I wanted to keep the number of cross dressers to a minimum. That and this was all done last minute on the day of submissions.
Head coach: Jimmy Dugan (A League of Their Own)
BTW - I love McSweeney’s choice of Samus for pitcher:
Yes, she’s a woman. Yes, her history as a bounty hunter causes others to distrust her. Yes, her body suit might not be legal. But it’s all worth it. She has a [redacted] arm cannon built in. Literally.
I forgot Jessica Biel was in that one. I don’t want to start a controversy here, but I think she is pretty.
I’d like to add one more suggestion:
Bullpen: The Hanson Brothers (Slap Shot)
Who cares if their sport was hockey instead of baseball. They’d just be coming in to throw at people and get in fights anyway.
Kind of like the Cubs.
No love for Bugs Bunny? Great minds do, apparently, thing alike (mostly).
http://bugsandcranks.com/the-clubhouse/hollywood-all-star-team/
Joe Hardy –DHing from Damn Yankees –the guy who sold is soul to play for the senators. And it’s a great baseball name.
If you’re talking about a fantasy team, you’d have to take Shoeless Joe Jackson from 8 Men Out. Joe might not have been able to write his name, but he could sure play ball.
Summer Catch had the worst ending of any movie ever(not that I’ve seen Summer Catch.) Funny story, just last week I slept on the baseball field in women’s underwear only to wake up late for practice(not that I’ve seen Summer Catch.) And why did Freddie’s brother have to be so hard on him? Fine, I’ve seen Summer Catch.
bpar - Love where your head’s at. I was trying to just take fictional characters. Was there any alcohol involved with you sleeping in women’s underwear? If not, I hope she was worth it.
I think there is a little-known codicil in the RandBall Charter that says Freddie Prinze, Jr. must be referred to as “Mr. Gellar” if he’s to be discussed at all in this forum. Which he shouldn’t be.
I’d probably bring in Archie “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams as a Monday/Thursday guy to stash on my bench. The kid’s got heart and keeper value. Just keep him away from little girls choking on hot dogs in the stands: a SERIOUS threat to his long-term value.
I’m going to echo Capital City Goofball and say that, while Nathan’s correct that Jimmy Dugan (”Avoid the clap - Jimmy Dugan”) is the only man to manage this team, Terence Mann is my bench coach. I dare you to listen to “America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers” speech, and then not go out there and get a bunt down with nobody out and a guy on second.
head coach should be keanu reeves from hardball. can’t believe my friends made me watch him rap Notorious BIG lyrics to inspire his inner city baseball team.
head coach should be keanu reeves from hardball. can’t believe my friends made me watch him rap Notorious BIG lyrics to inspire his inner city baseball team.
That can’t possibly have happened, can it? I studiously avoid most of Mr. “I Am An EFF BEE EYE AGENT”’s oeuvre, and have to assume this is just Ryan being funny. Please, tell me that’s it.
if only that it were merely a joke…
i kid you not my friend.
Oy. I verified this with my brother, too. I’ve never bought into the conservative gasbags who shriek about Hollywood hating American values, but really, what other conclusion is there?
I need a drink almost as much as
TNABACG does now upon hearing that Gologogolgogloski is turning pro…
I watched Hardball on a plane once. I thought it was funny that his bookie was going to kill him for $10,000. I mean, maybe break a leg or something, but kill him? I would think that you’d have to rack up something more like 6 digits before you’re getting whacked. Is there a guidebook for these kinds of things.
I love it when you call me big poppa.
Useful site. Thanks!!
