Stu’s Hunt Down and RandBites: Together in one post

Posted on September 14th, 2007 – 2:30 PM
By Michael Rand

000000000000000000000000000000000000001lohaus.jpg000001sleeper.jpgSome of you might have noticed the latest edition already up on the main sports page. We didn’t know they were going to do that, but bless their hearts. If you haven’t heard it yet, the Linnemann and we discuss Bill Belichick, cheating and all things thick-cut bacon. KP didn’t feel like editing out the massage part at the beginning, and that’s her right.

Like a slick Luis Rivas-turned double play, we’re also offering you Stu’s Huntdown in this here space. Stu sent it before his sojourn to Texas. Brad Lohaus in all his glory (note: that picture above is of Mr. Lohaus). Stu?

Subject: Brad Lohaus

Nickname: Fifi (courtesy Sports by Brooks). Say what you will about Kevin McHale, that is an awesome piece of nomenclature.

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: played for the Timberwolves in the 1989-1990 season. Also, born in New Ulm. Um, yay?

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: clogged the middle for the University of Iowa Hawkeyes in the 1980s. Also one the prime examples of The Dante Calabria Wormhole, a theoretical corruption of the space-time continuum that allows certain college basketball players to have 8-9 years of eligibility with no statistical evidence left behind to prove it. This also explains Toby Bailey, Brian Cardinal, and Alando Tucker. [Proprietor note: Please enjoy the Calabria page translated from Italian].

Where He Is Now: a sales associate for Mid American Aerospace in Cedar Rapids. Like you didn’t know.

Bonus, Non-Viking, Embarrassing Off-Court Incident (patent pending) #1: Stay away from the eBays, kids. You never know who might be lurking: Former NBA player Brad Lohaus received two years of probation Friday for not delivering fishing rods that he auctioned on eBay. The 41-year-old Lohaus was charged with theft in 2004 after receiving more than $1,700 from auction bidders seeking rods and other unspecified merchandise.

Bonus, Non-Viking, Embarrassing Off-Court Incident (patent pending) #2: per the Buffalo Beast, “… Lohaus found himself splashed in Midwestern sports headlines last week when he was arrested for assaulting his 23 year-old girlfriend, McKinsey Gonder. The pair had been staying in a hotel when police had to intervene to break up an argument. Apparently, when Gonder at one point tried to leave the hotel, Lohaus grabbed her and got into what he later called a ‘wrestling match.’ Gordon was apparently a poor wrestler, as she ended up suffering a split lip, a bump on the head, and a few bruises. Lohaus was unscathed. Police were forced to arrest Lohaus for two reasons; one, he drew blood, and two, the pair have a child together, making this case an automatic domestic abuse situation under Iowa law.”

Glorious Randomness: Other notable New Ulm natives include Terry Steinbach, Tippi Hedren and polka legend Whoopee John Wilfahrt. I have no joke there.

For Discussion: To paraphrase Dean Vernon Wormer, hitting the mother of your child and having a negative eBay feedback rating is no way to go through life, son. I’m just saying.

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