In honor of hoc-key’s return, Stu hunts down one of the all-timers. He was Marian Gaborik, Randy Moss and A.J. Pierzynksi, all rolled into one pair of skates. Dino Ciccarelli. Stu?

Nickname: Dino, I suppose. His real name must be Lorne, Gordon or Doug, as has been previously noted.

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: was a beloved member of the Minnesota North Stars hockey concern, and is the squad’s all-time points leader.

Claim to Infamy, Minnesota: celebrated his goals by tiptoeing on the ice like a (redacted) ninny. Seriously, why would you do that? Also, went to retrieve his newspaper one morning in 1987 without pants. Seriously, why would you do that? His neighbors in the bucolic suburb of Eden Prairie likely asked that question, particularly the mother of the 7-year-old boy who saw Dino’s Ciccarelli (Rand, if you let that line through, I’ll give you a dollar). He pled guilty to indecent exposure and served 50 hours of community service.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: from the Strib’s own Michael Russo:

In 1988, he was suspended 10 games and spent a few hours in jail for hitting Toronto’s Luke Richardson over the head with his stick. In 1990 a grand jury found insufficient evidence to pursue charges that Ciccarelli and Washington Capitals teammates Geoff Courtnall, Scott Stevens and Neil Sheehy raped a 17-year-old girl.

Where He Is Now: is the owner and proprietor of “upscale dance club” Club 22 in Shelby Township outside of Detroit. The opening night guest list included Steve Yzerman and … Uncle Kracker. I assume Rick Mahorn had a scheduling conflict.

Glorious Randomness: using the scientific method, it’s been determined that if Ciccarelli were to open a similar club in Minnesota, the city would be Blaine, and the opening night guest list would include Kent Hrbek and G.B. Leighton.

Talk Amongst Yourselves: in the course of Googling Dino, I ran across more than a few puckheads who think Dino’s off-ice issues are keeping him from the Hockey Hall of Fame slot he so richly deserves. Assuming he has the stats to get in (I have no idea), this seems a different beast than, say, Pete Rose or Mark McGwire. Dino’s offenses didn’t affect the integrity of the game, unlike gambling or (alleged) juicing. If he has the numbers, let him in, says I. Tell me why I’m wrong and stupid in comments.

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