It has come to our attention thanks to Roughkat that movie makers, in general, have completely run out of ideas. That’s good for someone working on a screenplay; that’s bad for an audience that is about to get a Karate Kid remake foisted upon them. This is a Will Smith project, and we don’t care how much you like Will Smith, this is a terrible idea. It will never, ever, be as good as the original. This is an abomination. We feel dead inside. Plus, The Office was pretty mediocre for a second week in a row. Are our expectations too high? Is it too much to ask that there not be a Karate Kid remake or that the best show on TV remain funny? We don’t think so. Also, is it too much to ask that we get more than 50 percent of NFL games picked correctly? We don’t think so. So let’s get to it:

Arizona at St. Louis: The Rams get the boost from a QB switch that every team except the Vikings seems to get. Gus Frerotte stays away from punching walls and gets St. Louis its first victory of the season over the improving Cardinals, who take an inevitable step back in a winnable game.
Atlanta at Tennessee: The Falcons looked better last week, but the Titans take this one by at least 10.
Carolina at New Orleans: When do we stop picking the Saints? Not this week.
Cleveland at New England: Lost in the fawning over New England’s impressive 4-0 start is that the Patriots did it without Rodney Harrison, who returns this week. Just another reason this is a lock for New England.
Detroit at Washington: A matchup of fairly surprising teams, with the winner having its spirit embiggened for the coming weeks and the playoff chase. We happen to like Detroit in this one. Not sure why, but we’ll roll with it.
Jacksonville at Kansas City: Tough pick, and we have little to say about it. We’ll take the Chiefs at home.
Miami at Houston: The Dolphins smell worse than the fridge at the Newspaper of the Twin Cities. We’ll take Houston.
New York Jets at New York Giants: Wow, we can’t wait for all sorts of clever jokes about this New York battle from Chris Berman. The game itself? Well, there’s no home field advantage. Both teams are wildly inconsistent. This game will perhaps go to overtime, with the Giants prevailing.
Seattle at Pittsburgh: The Steely McBeams bounce back and defeat the Seachickens. Or something like that.
Tampa Bay at Indianapolis: Coaching against his former team must be tough for Tony Dungy, though perhaps not as tough as embracing alternative lifestyles. Still, we’ll take the Colts.
Baltimore at San Francisco: In Vegas, we wouldn’t touch this game with a stolen [redacted]. Here, though, we are beholden to make a pick. 49ers?
San Diego at Denver: We’ll take Denver because A) we think they’ll win and B) we really want to see what happens if/when the Chargers fall to 1-4. Norv Turner might be on the clearance rack next to the Lee Evans jerseys pretty soon.
Chicago at Green Bay: A hot quarterback against a banged-up secondary. Stupid Packers go to 5-0.
Dallas at Buffalo: This is the Monday night game? Really? OK, it might be better than you think. But Tony Romo is the real deal and has been extremely impressive especially when considering how last season ended. Cowboys.
Vikings vs. Bye: The Vikings gather to watch the Sunday night game between two division rivals. Kelly Holcomb complains that the pretzels are in the wrong place and then throws a bottle of beer 10 yards over Sidney Rice’s head. Chester Taylor, despite not being hungry, is force-fed 60 percent of the nachos by Brad Childress, while Adrian Peterson goes hungry. Bryant McKinnie and Ryan Cook watch as two party crashers run right around them and sack Tarvaris Jackson, thus re-injuring the QB’s groin. Childress keeps changing the channel during the best parts of the game, saying that was the plan and he’s sticking to it. Zygi Wilf says he’s never been to a better party and adds that he wouldn’t change a thing.

Mystery link! Courtesy of Vanessa. Strange.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 5th, 2007 at 9:43 am and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.