Guest post COW: Rocket hates fake football “experts”
Posted on October 12th, 2007 – 11:28 AMBy Michael Rand
Rocket, who won this week’s Commenter Of the Week award on the heels of publishing a book, orders everyone making a living from fantasy football to get off of his lawn! He delivers 307 or so smooth words right here (and he’s also pictured on the right with our guy Beerman and the Albuquerque Isotopes mascot):
First of all, I would like to thank the people for the COW votes. It was both unexpected and appreciated. And I suppose I should mention again that I wrote a book about how the Vikings have made me hate every team in professional football. You can get it at www.myleastfavoriteteam.com. Finally, I would like to use the rest of my 300 words to discuss another aspect of football I hate: fantasy football.
Back in my more militant days, I used to believe that fantasy football was the epitome of hypocrisy for football fans. The very same folks who would decry greedy players who were only concerned about their stats would then spend Sundays fretting over the number of yards and touchdowns for individual players in an effort to win money in their fantasy leagues. I also despised the schizophrenic nature of having to root for another player on a team that one hates (you Vikings fans with Brett Favre on your “fantasy” team know what I’m taking about). It all seemed excessively distasteful.
I have since softened that stance and now believe that fantasy football players should be allowed to continue to live. Yet, there is one actor in the whole sordid drama that I will not forgive: the fantasy football expert. These shysters are nothing more than gypsies who are practicing scapulimancy in front of slow-witted imbeciles in the freak show of some low-grade carnival. I actually heard more than one of these snake-oil salesmen suggest that folks should dramatically alter the rules of their leagues because whoever got LaDainian Tomlinson would automatically win. How’s that working out for everybody? The collection of ill-bred soothsayers who have managed to dupe a significant segment of the sporting population and have made a generous living with their “expertise” at reading tea leaves makes me want to puke.
18 Responses to "Guest post COW: Rocket hates fake football “experts”"
I guess Rocket is not a memeber of the Talented Mr. Roto Fan Club. I would agree though that about 25% of the people that play FF could probably do just as good a job as the “experts” if I got paid to study fantasy sports I know I would do better than the previously mentioned TMR. I hate Matthew Berry.
Your mom smells like a slow-witted imbecile…
Oh yeah, I went there
I will give credit for cramming as many different derogatory names for fantasy football “experts” into one paragraph(although you left out loudly-checked sportcoat-wearing used car salesmen rolling back the odometers with a power drill while the tongue lolling, drool-dripping public looks the other way picking their collective noses).
At the same time, if I could quit my job and get paid to tell people to start Peyton Manning over T-Jack, I’d probably jump at the opportunity. Maybe that makes those guys ambulance chasers but it’s just supple and demand.
Anyone going to play football this Saturday? I would but I have to take a dock out. No, that’s not an innuendo for anything.
Roughkat: You can’t fool me, that was totally an innuendo
roughtkat - Taking a dock out doesn’t really say much…now if you said “I have to trailer my boat…” Also, yesterday I committed to running the New Prague Half Marathon in May. I’m up to about 3 miles 3 days a week. Any training advice?
I’m thinking about football tomorrow, but a week off might not be a bad idea. I could definitely play the following Saturday.
These shysters are nothing more than gypsies who are practicing scapulimancy in front of slow-witted imbeciles in the freak show of some low-grade carnival.
That’s poetry, right there.
However, Paul Charchian thinks you’re a big jerkfaced jerk, Rocket.
I feel like a hypocrite playing Madden… padding stats to get guys to pro bowl or to raise their ratings for the following year.
I feel guilty for being such a poor sport.
Joker - Depends on your goals for the race. If it’s just to finish, then just keep running a couple days a week and slowly increase the distance up to being able to run 10 miles at a time. If you want to do well, throw in some speedwork, like 400s at a track.
Since the race isn’t until next May, you have at least until February to procrastinate any training. I suggest carbo loading between now and then. You saw what it did for Michael on The Office.
Speaking of the Office, is it just me or has this season been a little bit of a let down. Kind of like when you walk into the gentlemen’s club and there are only pregnant strippers.
jama - Have you been visiting the double deuce again???
Not since Swayze ruined the place. Wow did we have some fun before he showed up.
Jama, would go so far as to say that you’d had the time of your life? That, no, you’d never felt that way before?
When I was living in dallas, there was a club called Pandora’s Box. $5 cover, bring your own beer. They sell ice for $7 a bag, and lap dances are only $10…I went there 1 time…for all of a half an hour.
Was this before or after brunch with your GF’s parents?
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