COW: Joker had quite a 24-hour stretch
Posted on December 3rd, 2007 – 2:05 PMBy Michael Rand
Joker called Friday morning to say he needed to be the Commenter Of the Week. The COW isn’t candy; we don’t just give it out. But there was a passion in his voice, a needing. So we gave him the go-ahead. And at about 4 p.m. last Friday, as we were on our way to see Superbad for the second time (cheap theater, what’s up!), he regaled us with his tale and followed up with the print version. It might have been cleaned up a little. You’ll never know. Joker?
A few weeks ago, when I got my first COW, I was asked to have my dating life relate to sports. I opted to have a Kansas football post instead … and then they lost to Missouri. After a hefty ransom paid (free), I am able to tell the tale of my last 24 hours. In said period, I’ve been stood up, lied to, called the wrong name, had it justified by the sentence, ”But he’s the love of my life,” kicked out of two …. yes TWO bars because her and her friend were too drunk, and had pizza pepper poured in my beer. I consider myself a pretty tolerant person, but the PEPPER IN MY BEER DOESN’T FLY! Any avid sports watcher will concur. Most guys will agree with me on the fact that you can play jokes on one another all you want, but any joke should not include HIS BEER! And after all of this … I still can’t throw a curve ball. How does this relate to sports you might ask … well it does in a way. Only because I think this day could contribute to a new sport on ESPN. It will be called “Pushing It To The Limits.” I mean: why not? They already consider poker, bowling, and shooting pool as a sport. I would like to finish this by saying my well known as line with “it all went down hill from there” … but I can’t because I think I hit rock bottom with the previously said events. I do see light at the end of the tunnel because if Marko Jaric can pull a super model all of a sudden and spark some long needed decent play … there might be hope yet.
39 Responses to "COW: Joker had quite a 24-hour stretch"
If I can change…and you can change…Everybody can change.
Keep your chin up. Supposedly, if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.
And by “it” Roughkat means binge drinking…
Rand
You are really running out of pictures of Cow’s aren’t you. Those things are hideous.
Joker is coming off a little like Hank “the Tank” Steinbrenner. I didn’t know it was okay to make demands about COW.
It better not have been Fat Tire beer that she peppered. That’s grounds for a divorce.
Light your hair on fire?
“It all went downhill from there”?
Joker hates women.
I’m not sure I could have made it passed being called the wrong name. I guess it depends on 1) how drunk she was at THAT time, 2) what extracaricular activities were going on at that time, and 3) whether or not she accidentally called you Tarvaris, Mewelde, Visanthe, Aundrae, Dontarrius, or Antoine. Because obviously those names would have been an insult.
As an experienced bartender I can say with all certainty that beer is only to be drank or cried into.
You don’t put olives in your beer. You don’t put lemon wedges in your beer.
Only tears. Joker, I’m not working tonite, but somewhere some bartender is and he or she will be happy to pour you a beer into which your tears may fall.
Thank God I’m Married.
Salty beer? That sounds awful. Cry in a PBR and drink a Fat Tire. No need to waste good beer on feelings.
Also, Ramon = Punto-hating Dr. Phil
Ramon speaks true, as per usual, but neglects to mention that the salty, bitter tears of female trouble really cut the hoppiness of a bock or stout beer.
Stu, that’s why I always put a shot of Windsor next to the liter.
Dave - I don’t hate Punto. I don’t want to hate Punto. I want to love Punto. I just want to love him in the Denny Hocking role for which he was suited and on a year to year contract comensurate to his abilities. Not the one Ryan gave him.
The only thing to put into beer is Jameson and Baileys, if said beer is a Guinness.
ahh irish carbombs. i’m really craving one now.
And how many tears do you think Ms. Brunch-With-My-Parents has shed in her Franzia over you, Joker?
Zero sympathy, my friend. You know what they say about karma…
The only thing to put into beer is Jameson and Baileys, if said beer is a Guinness.
You can also put more beer into beer, in the case of Bass and Guinness.
Joker there is someone out there for you to beat over the head with a stick and procreate. If I can find an intelligent attractive woman who makes more per hour than i do, anything is possible.
I really don’t see how that is karma though. I really don’t see what I did wrong in either case…
But to answer your question AZ, If she shed any tears over me…I wouldn’t feel bad at all. All in all I’m a pretty tolerant guy and looking back on it, she really wasn’t a nice person. So does this mean you will or will not be setting me up with any of your friends…?
Ramon is a bartender?
We are only finding this out now because?!?!
Roughkat-me, you, marthaler and anyone else over at Ramon’s bar (unless it is called the Eagle) sometime soon.
super rookie - private functions these days… the 2am closing time and downtown weekend demographic (oh, please respect what your downtown bartender goes through) forced me into early retirement.
I do miss the waitresses however.
Ramon: My apologies for my equation. My “Jump to Conclusions” mat must be defective.
I agree that Punto shouldn’t be an everyday player, nor be paid like one. However, in a world where David Eckstein is considered an elite player, Punto can make some big bucks for being “scrappy” and playing with “heart”.
Let’s crash one of these “private” functions. That can be just as, if not more, fun.
Dave - completely agree. And we especially love those scrappy-hearted athletes here.
The downtown weekend demographic =
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
I feel for you, Ramon. I really do. I’m surprised you don’t have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
And we especially love those scrappy-hearted athletes white guys who slide headfirst into first base here.
Fixed.
I fully expect Roughkat to be wearing one of these shirts to the Redactular.
Can you put Jagr in Guinness?
Yes. Why you’d do this unless you were 21 or a degenerate alcoholic, I have no idea.
Stu: Apparently someone tried, as the comment on that post points out that Jagermeister doesn’t light on fire.
roughkat - unfortunately Jagerbombs are a very popular combination among that certain downtown weekend demographic. We couldn’t overcharge enough to keep from having to serve them.
Dave, it was almost as bad as that. More Sigma Ralpha Enigma than Guido. I didn’t have the patience of some of my younger, more Tom Cruise in “Cocktail” co-workers but thankfully there’s only two nights in the weekend. And the bartenders didn’t have to clean up the puke in the bathrooms.
Stu - I didn’t think Jager had a high enough proof to light. Luckily we had a policy of no lighting of shots… sorry, ladies, to take all of the fun out of your Lemon Drops.
Stu - forgot to mention I wrote you a Huntdown request on the previous Randball post. Please consider it.
It looks like Jennie Finch might be coming to town. To that I say:
Yes Please!!!
No lighting shots? No flaming homers?
@modest mouse concert right now. There’s a good chance the opening act is on some kind of drugs. Maybe some kind of flaming concoction of jagr and cough syrup. That said, I like it.
Speaking of booze, has anyone tried Hendrick’s Gin? They’re the official sponsor of my posts today.
Nope, but I detest a certain kind of pizza.
Thanks for sharing
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
