Will there be emergency response to Punto at 2B?
Posted on December 6th, 2007 – 3:23 PMBy Michael Rand
We have it on good authority that the Twins, in conjunction with a few other agencies, will be conducting an emergency response drill at the new ballpark site tomorrow morning. According to a press release: The specific purpose for Friday’s drill is to ensure that emergency responders can efficiently enter and maneuver through the site to get as close to a mock accident as possible. Drills will occur at several times during the construction of the ballpark to account for site changes.
In the spirit of cooperation, we thought it might be a nice idea to include some potential “emergencies” the Twins are going to want to account for during these drills.
1) Emergency: Nick Punto is the starting second baseman when the ballpark opens. Possible action: The possible inclusion of a thin row of thumbtacks on the outside of the first base line just before the bag.
2) Emergency: The Twins have traded every high-performing player except Joe Mauer and has a payroll of $40 million. Possible action: Trading the hard-earned money in your pocket for goods and services that don’t involve the Twins.
3) Emergency: The plans for upgraded concessions somehow don’t include garlic fries. Possible action: A fan revolt that starts with a shocking refusal to play TWINGO.
4) Emergency: Matt LeCroy Bobblehead night. Possible action: None.
More?
6 Responses to "Will there be emergency response to Punto at 2B?"
Randolph. Mantooth.
Emergency: Dan Gladden’s mullet is out of control. Possible action: Flowbie Ladder Crew #3
Emergency: The press box buffet is out of luncheon meat. Possible action: Inevitably, the beat writers gang up and devour the columnists. Souhan’s flesh is considered stringy but filling.
Emergency: Carl Pohlad spends his money on players
Possible Action: Check and see if Hades is frozen over
I just searched “Rand” in the new columnist search engine.
It produced this:
“Michael Rand
Team Leader | Prep Sports”
Team Leader-
You are no longer the proprietor.
Signed,
Team Follower
RE: Randy’s IMDB profile.
Sh—- ’80s Television Show Producer: I need a square-jawed guy who can play the bad guy this week that hasn’t played the bad guy yet. Also, a hooker.
Sh—- ’80s Television Show Production Assistant: Will do on the prosty, boss, but who do you want for the heavy?
Sh—- ’80s Television Show Producer: lemme think on that (snorts huge line of cocaine)…we used the Lamas kid last month…that’s IT! Get me the phone, Shecky.
Sh—- ’80s Television Show Production Assistant: done and done, boss. Here you go.
Sh—- ’80s Television Show Producer: (dials phone) Hey, Fred, you sick (redacted) of a (redacted) (redacted). Get. Me. Mantooth! (slams phone down) I’m a golden GOD, Shecky! More coke! And where’s that hooker? She better be Asian or you’re out on your (redacted) ear, you miserable (redacted)!
-Fin-
