Boo-ya! It’s a SportsCenter ornament
Posted on December 11th, 2007 – 2:23 PMBy Michael Rand
Fasolamatt sends in this gem under with the description, “Things not to get me for X-mas.” But sir, why wouldn’t you want a SportsCenter Keepsake Ornament? We swore we read that in your diary, no? Really, you don’t want a product that is described thusly:
Channel his inner sports guy with this very clever TV ornament tuned to ESPN’s SportsCenter. When he presses the button, the screen lights up, and he’ll hear the sweet strains of the SportsCenter theme song. It’ll be music to his ears. Comes with a full-sized Hallmark greeting card, with your personal message.
Surely you jest, sir. Because for the low price of $15, with the optional add-on of a premium gift box ($4.95) that we’re told says, “Open Me First,” this 4 x 3.25 inch battery-operated treasure could be yours. Still not interested? Did we mention it has button activated light and sound? Last chance. Sigh. There is just no pleasing Fasolamatt.
23 Responses to "Boo-ya! It’s a SportsCenter ornament"
Once this clearly awesome product takes off, it’s only a matter of time before the WWL offers specialized versions.
The Gary Miller ornament pees on you and/or a cop.
The Harold Reynolds ornament hugs you at a chain restaurant for about five seconds too long.
The Tony Kornheiser ornament is much better on PTI.
The Mike Tirico ornament wishes you were single.
The Bill Simmons ornament is okay, but was better three years ago.
What about the Joe Theisman ornament? Oh that’s right, we aren’t allowed to talk about that.
The Stephen A. Smith ornament WOULD LIKE TO WISH YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The John Hollinger ornament has a formula that rates this Christmas on a scale of 15.3-697.2, coming from a massive equation based on value of gifts, value of gifts compared to your neighbors, tree size, tree size compared to your neighbors, tree size compared to the past three years, number of cookies eaten by santa, number of cookies eaten by santa at your neighbors’ house, and the rate at which the number of cookies eaten by santa affects value of gifts.
The Barry Melrose ornament hasn’t been seen in a couple of years.
The Merrill Hoge ornament won’t quit talking about how awful Vince Young has been this year.
The Beano Cook ornament looks kind of lost and won’t shut up about Rick Mirer.
The Emmitt Smith ornament hopes those of the Jewish faith enjoy the vestibule of lights.
The Keith Law ornament thanks you for reading his Twins Insider column.
The Suzy Kolber ornament laughs off your unwanted sexual advances.
C’mon, no Stu Scott jokes?
The Stuart Scott ornament kind of trails off to the left a bit.
“Inner sports guy” ? I can expect that from Okrah Winfrey but why would Sports Center link with Hallmark ? Gag me, what is this ..figure skating or something ?
The Sean Salisbury ornament brags about how much better of an ornament it is than the other ornaments while blasting a skinny little ornament that looks like it might be a walking corpse. (Sorry John Clayton you need a makeover).
The Erin Andrews ornament lasts about 5 minutes on the tree before the teenage boy grabs it and takes it to his room for some “alone” time.
The Joe Morgan ornament regales the rest of your ornaments with tales about “The Big Red Machine” while completely ignoring your gift unwrapping festivities.
The Keith Olbermann ornament isn’t allowed on the tree, but calls in from New York for occasional segments.
The John Madden ornament is delivered only by bus and is disappointed that you’re not as good as Brett Favre.
The Tiki Barber ornament is happy on your tree for a few days, then threatens to jump to your neighbor’s house if its demands aren’t met, then abruptly moves to your mantelpiece and starts criticizing the rest of your ornaments.
The Jim Rome ornament just got crushed by Jim Everett.
[…] Original post by Randball […]
The Gregg Easterbrook ornament would like you to read this 7000-word harangue on the perfidy of Bill Belicheck.
The John Buccigross ornament drops a really obscure reference to an ’80s alternative rock band and makes you wish you liked hockey more.
The Erin Andrews ornament is yes.
The Keith Richotte ornament would like you to buy this book.
The Joe Morgan Ornament makes it hard to consistently concetrate on what you’re doing. It also consistently mispronounces the names of all baseball players not on the Yankees or Red Sox rosters.
Yes Stu, the John Buccigross ornament rules all.
