StarTribune.com

Wednesday (Clemens) edition: Wha’ Happened?

Posted on December 19th, 2007 – 8:51 AM
By Michael Rand

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001clemens.jpg How to convince absolutely nobody of anything, by Roger Clemens:
1) Instead of holding a press conference, release a statement.
2) Make sure that statement is through your agent, so it contains nothing anybody would really say in real life.
3) Make sure it is not under oath.
4) Have the statement come out several days after the initial report, giving it the feel of a calculated PR move intended to save face at all costs.
5) In the future: Wait for the outrage to die down, never say another word about this, then quietly retire.

What else is up? Florida State! The shame we never knew about a program we always held to the highest standard.

You can bid on a Cheeto shaped like an elephant on eBay. (Thanks to Toonces51 for that).

A nice piece in the prep sports world by Dean Spiros about former Vikings running back Teddy Brown and his hockey playing son, J.T..

We wrote an Adrian Peterson story for the Washington Times. If you’d care to read it, you can find it right here. (Note that it’s two pages; otherwise, it ends rather abruptly).

Um, nice inbounds pass, Eddie Jones.

And, of course, Fasola-link!

24 Responses to "Wednesday (Clemens) edition: Wha’ Happened?"

Dave MN says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:04 am

The least Eddie Jones could have done was to throw the ball off the official’s foot playground-style. Who would get the ball? The official shouldn’t have been guarding him that closely, he got frazzled.

Thanks for telling me the story was two pages, I almost missed the whole “page 1 of 2″ and “next” link at the bottom. (I’ll cut a little slack, that whole navigation scheme is pretty poorly designed).

And, really, who looks at a Cheeto long enough to know that it looks like something? That guy’s obviously not a blogger…

Toonces51 says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:10 am

Hopefully JT Brown’s shooting aim is better than his dad’s…

roughkat says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:15 am

re: Florida State
Federal privacy laws prohibit the school from releasing names.

It won’t be at all obvious when the players don’t show up for the bowl game.

super rookie says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:28 am

who is plastered all over the star tribune today?

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/health/12599856.html

SUPA ROOKIE!

Randball fan’s: If you want an autograph let me know.

pkiguy says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:30 am

Now all the republicans in DC know that his nickname is Purple Jesus. I am trying to get all the Viking fans here in DC to buy the Purple Jesus t-shirt. I get a lot of laughs and double takes when I wear mine to the bar on Sundays.

joel. says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:31 am

Funny, both the Eddie Jones and Lamar Odom brain farts happened against the Hornets. They must know something no one else does.

Dave MN says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:31 am

Why is it always the innocent that get caught in the crossfire?

http://www.startribune.com/nation/12606136.html

Stu says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:33 am

We wrote an Adrian Peterson story for the Washington Times

Kudos on getting Purple Jesus into the Rev. Moon’s sports section. Here’s hoping they paid you in cash rather than back issues of Insight.

Stu says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:44 am

Emcee Tim Hayes

Totally using that the next time I make a hotel or dinner reservation.

roughkat says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:54 am

Do people really use the puke bucket? Is that because the event itself is so taxing or because Dave ordered a round of Jagr bombs for everyone?

Dave MN says:

December 19th, 2007 at 9:56 am

I shower in that [redacted].

roughkat says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am

Dave - C. Kuhlman was over last night playing Rock Band. He did remember you. So did Forest.

Jon says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am

There is no controversy in Minnesota more pressing than the AP/AD/PJ controversy. They all have upside; they all have downside. It’s an impossible choice.

Dave MN says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:04 am

Roughkat - that’s crazy. My favorite memory of Forest is when he bit the tops off of pop cans up at camp. It was unbelievable.

Dave MN says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:23 am

Well, I effectively killed this post…

Hooray for me!

Toonces51 says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:31 am

I thought that the proprieter got PJ, Big Daddy Drew AND Kissing Suzy Kolber past the editor in a single paragraph was potentially pulitzer worthy.

jama says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:35 am

Super Rookie

Why do you have your arms out like an airplane in that picture? Are you preparing for a stage dive?

jama says:

December 19th, 2007 at 10:39 am

Rand

What do you get for getting an article of that size printed in the Washington Times? Do they give you a hand gun or a kilo of nose candy for that?

scagmajor says:

December 19th, 2007 at 11:33 am

Yes, way to work gratuitous references to fellow bloggers into the story. Too bad you couldn’t work in a Randball reference.

Shifty McShifterson says:

December 19th, 2007 at 7:05 pm

Dave, to lose a such a young flat screen at such an old age… oh, the machinery of it all!

Supa Rookie, is there a “new” Grumpy’s? The one I know — two blocks from my old place — in NE isn’t big enough. Maybe where the dartboards are? But then how to get to the bathroom?

That’s it. What with all the bar talk I’ve ensconced myself in lately, it’s time to find a new bar for my 16 ounce curls. I “settled” and I’ve been needing to get out of this “relationship” for too long. That initiation fee was the bitch that kept me going and the showers were always a little rank. And that new guy… oh, wait, that’s my gym.

Paul Peter Paulos says:

December 19th, 2007 at 7:38 pm

I thought this was supposed to be about Clemens. I think you guys should just skip the foreplay and get a room.

Paul Peter Paulos says:

December 19th, 2007 at 7:53 pm

Chatty Kathys aren’t we tonight, but maybe a blog is nothing more than a chat room. I’m not calling names, but look above. Is anything there about Clemens or even sports ..at all ? And women are supposed to be the gossips ! To each his own, but to me this appears to be the much dreaded “Vikings Access” !!! …..hardehar

Paul Peter Paulos says:

December 19th, 2007 at 8:23 pm

I guess I hit the mark

Paul Peter Paulos says:

December 20th, 2007 at 8:17 am

Since non-sports raps make up many of these posts (and that’s cool with me if that’s cool with you) I found this also decidedly non-sports item in today’s (th) PiPress as one of 2007’s most memorable quotes…from Sen. Biden

“There’s only three things he (Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11″…good stuff !