Bowl games treat players like 15-year-olds, man
Posted on December 20th, 2007 – 12:10 PMBy Michael Rand
It’s bowl season, which means it must be time for the yearly look at all the swag these amateur footballers get for helping their schools and sponsors earn millions of dollars in a pure as driven snow enterprise. There is a $500 limit on what can be given to each player (up from the old rule of $350), and ESPN breaks it down for us by bowl. The chief items: XBox 360s, LCD TVs, iPod products and, for the very lucky, Nintendo Wiis (not pictured to your right, though some word argue that Michelle’s career arc places her future earning potential under that $500 limit as well). While we have no doubt these types of attention deficit devices are what any 21-year-old would want, we have to wonder if these bowl games might send a better message by giving out gifts that were more closely associated with adulthood, maturity and, well, an education (no offense to all you 30-something Rock Band players in RandBall land). So we put together a little shopping list for bowls next year to consider:
*A first-edition copy of the Kurt Vonnegut book, “Slaughterhouse Five,” priced at $260.
*A 1987 Pontiac Bonneville, priced at $300. It might not have flatscreens or an MP3 player, but it does have four wheels and offers a chance to work on a transmission. Life isn’t always easy, kids.
*The Amazon Kindle, which looks rad, for $399.
*Kaplan’s crash course in taking the LSAT, for all the future lawyers out there, priced at $159.
*A one-year membership to a gourmet cheese of the month club, at $36.95 a month for 12 months, coming in at just a shade under $500.
In short, these young men are, for the most part, about to be come hopefully productive members of society. They don’t need video games and other time-wasting gadgets. They need cultural experiences and gifts designed to guide them into adulthood. Trust us, Chick-fil-A Bowl. We won’t let you down.
27 Responses to "Bowl games treat players like 15-year-olds, man"
This reminds me of today’s story about how the Gopher BB team needs a practice facility, complete with plush lounges containing flat-screen TVs and pool tables. Enough coddling, I say. The athletes should have to congregate in smelly, stale dorm lounges, just like I had to. That’s the true U of M experience.
For a small fee, I am willing to give these kids true life experience: I will send them eye-popping insurance bills at regular intervals, along with occasional and badly-timed bills for such things as car repairs.
Real life: don’t believe the hype.
If only I had zoomed out more, you would all be able to see a pic of the Proprietor rocking out at Guitar Hero.
RB: This was a good excuse to throw your xmas list on your site. Now we all know what to get you.
AZ, I agree with you to a point, but first how many sports, at any level have you been involved in ? Believe me, esp. in practice facilities, you cannot believe how much one ! person can smell let alone a dozen or more. Example: Looking at Phat Yikes! Williams who has state of the art facilities, yet people that stinkin’ big can and do truly nauseate someone dressing even playing next to him. So, give the B’Ball team what they want. Most Gopher teams stink already, but shouldn’t by their lockers.
P-to-the-third-power: I should have linked to the story. This is a lounge outside of the locker room, for players to relax and “bond” in, outside of practice times. But, thanks for enlightening me on the smell factor. I was a runner and don’t remember the locker room smelling that bad. Then again, everyone knows girls just shower together and then have pillow fights.
P3 - I guarantee you that Pat Williams & Co. do not out stink some of the people at U of M dorms–especially the frosh dorms. Without Mommy to remind them to shower every few days, it can get quite rank.
Although AZGG, the last few times I was in a dorm (insert crude joke here), most of the stale dorm lounges were actually being used for housing…
Then again, everyone knows girls just shower together and then have pillow fights.
I always knew the good people at Cinemax wouldn’t lead me astray.
I don’t mind showering with girls myself, but even girls (gomen) after a 2 hour game of flag or frisbee football can get rank, but I don’t know if it’s as bad as Phat B. Nimble, but I really don’t know how bad he gets on the field though I did see a linesman go down hard once when Williams walked too close..
Did P3 just say he wants to shower with Pat Williams?
If I was 15, I’d wish for a date with Jamie Lynn. I hear she’s faster than an X-Box.
I don’t know, I put his post through the Paulos to English translation on Babelfish and my computer froze.
Did P3 just say he wants to shower with Pat Williams?
Mental image, roughkat. Mental image.
First of all, for those fancy TV’s and video game systems, did you ever stop to think that the SPONSORS of the bowl game paid for and supplied those, for instance, the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl, what do you want Pioneer, an electronics company, to give away, gourmet cheese memberships? Second of all, the amenities in the practice facilities are paid for by BOOSTERS, and why would boosters bother with crappy dorm lounges, if the boosters like to support the basketball team, then so be it.
First of all, for those fancy TV’s and video game systems, did you ever stop to think that the SPONSORS of the bowl game paid for and supplied those
That would explain why the NAMBLA Bowl was so controversial.
Oh, Stu. How could the Mrs. ever stay mad at you?
yea i agree with you stu
Must be a slow news day:
How about a 1994 Ford Taurus that had 200k miles and a “automatic” transmission that didn’t shift out of 1st…I sold it for the cost of towing it away plus $75…throw that in the gift bag.
To put a price on a 1st edition copy of Slaughter House 5 is a shame.
We all know that book is priceless.
I wonder if recruiters for the big-time football powers ever whisper a list of the bowl game swag possibilities to the 17 year old kids?
AZGopherGirl: I’ve been in sewer plant breakdowns, tire fires and a time when the guys cleaning the grease traps at a Chinese restaurant tipped over a 55-gallon drum. But never have I wanted to rip the nose right off my face so much as the day I went into the Kansas City Chiefs’ lockerroom after a game on a 90-degree afternoon.
Stu, I leave for an hour and 1/2 half and you go and jam me. But, I must admit I like the image, not of Phat and I in the spray (I’d get no water), but of your creative Svengali-like usage of “mental imagery”. I like that, since it’s all in the mind you know, but just don’t tell a date that….
From dictionary.com:
Sven·ga·li a person who completely dominates another, usually with selfish or sinister motives.
You sure you know what a Svengali is, P3? Perhaps you meant Fonzarelli?
sinister motive ? I say it fits if you examine your motifs (I luv to spell wrong now). After all, just think. You are named after a boiling pot, are you not ? Hardehar..I sorta like that one myself
Really, P3 has just shown himself to be Emmitt Smith.
The Packers masturbated the ball down the feel in a Svengali-like manner
??..Dave, and you say you write clearly to the masses …I doubt the quote since Emmitt can dance but probably would have spelled it masterbated
dano, I’ve been gone for awhile looking for someone to shower with, preferably female and nubile, and I just saw your schtick from 2:30 pm. Pretty funny actually…
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