Monday (That’s a big lock) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on January 7th, 2008 – 9:13 AMBy Michael Rand
Yes, hello? Hello? Stupid phone. Let’s try this again. Still nothing. Wait! That gambling help line is missing a digit! It’s almost like they’re saying that it’s OK to go ahead and put some money down on next weekend’s NFL games! This is great news! Because we have a strong suspicion that all four favorites — all favored by more than a touchdown — are not only going to win, but cover next weekend. We really can’t remember a time when the four teams with byes were that much better than the four teams advancing. The exception is Jacksonville, and despite the trendiness of the Jaguars’ bandwagon, we don’t really think they have a chance to even stay within 12 of New England. The Chargers (+8) are taking the Phil Rivers show into a loud Dome. Good-bye. Eli Manning is destined to make at minimum two crippling throws at Dallas (-7.5). And the Seahawks (+8)? They can’t run the ball. That might be a problem during a January playoff game in Green Bay. Sorry, but the favorites are just too good this year. Might as well skip all the blowouts next weekend and start preparing your gambling strategy for the conference title games, which will be a lot more interesting. (Early RandBall guestimated point spreads: Take Green Bay +2 and New England -7). By the way, that phone number above is from an Australian ad, hence the difference. It’s less funny when explained, but still funnier than a lawsuit.
What else? Roger Clemens went blah blah blah last night (video here, but please first enjoy this ad for a teeth-whitening product). After a series of pinkie swears, Mike Wallace became convinced that the Rocket was telling the truth. Clemens unfortunately also left open the possibility that he would pitch again next year, which would be just awesome because then this stupid story would never go away. Then again, maybe he’d go 2-15 and make it all worthwhile. … The McLovins are now on pace for 9.94 victories, less than one whole number more than the record for futility in a season. Let’s peruse the upcoming schedule: home against Miami tomorrow night. A possible victory. If not, however: at Houston, at San Antonio, home for Golden State, at Phoenix, at Denver, at Golden State. Sounds like six losses. Should they also lose to Miami, they would be 4-36 and on pace for a little more than 8 victories. Wow.
Super-Rookie link we forgot last Friday!
Fasola-link! (He’s the COW, btw, and his post is upcoming).
23 Responses to "Monday (That’s a big lock) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
Damn HD programming…can’t see the phone number…
Was anyone else irritated by the announcing of the Chargers/Titans game yesterday. That sequence where LT’s touchdown was under review and the announcers didn’t seem to understand that his second effort got the touchdown was some of the most idiotic banter I’ve seen outside of P3’s comments.
I sure hope the COW post involves the return of American Gladiators last night. Did anyone else think that one of the female Gladiators being named Helgga absolutely hilarious. Where did they find her at, the MOA?
Anyway I was pretty disappointed in the return as a whole. It sure seemed more exciting when I was a 12 year old trying to emulate Nitro.
Clemens was well schooled before that interview with the always slimy Mike Wallace, particularly in how he handled the lie detector test question. He knew that test doesn’t test for “lies” only how comfortable (skin sweat as the index) a person is when lying i.e good liars don’t sweat. So, a socio/psycho path like Chucky Manson could and probably did pass his lie detector tests, yet every clown from daytime Maury to huckster attorneys trot out those tests as accurate..which they are not..which is why they are not admissible in court. Clemens knew that, and I give him credit for jamming the offer to be tested up Wallace’s most ancient and arrogant keester..
Whilst the Proprietor is correct about all four games looking like a done deal, the fact that that’s never what happens is probably of greater value.
One of the four favorites will lose. Be sure to tune in next Monday AM when I will no doubt get deservingly shelled for being so deeply, deeply stupid.
Stu
I agree with you, I think the last time 2 #1 seeds played each other in the SuperBowl was in the mid 90’s. I think Dallas could be in trouble if TO doesn’t play or is still hobbled by injury.
Gambling is illegal, I would never condone such a thing, but if I did, I would ask Mr. Rand….. When is the Randball poker invitational coming?
while I await moderation, I must ask Rand when the Randball 1st invitational poker tournament is coming?
poker is now blocked for conversation on this blog?
fasola
Who knew there was such a thing as Dutch people in Texas? If you ran into Hellga in a dark alley what would you do?
ok, now i have three messages awaiting moderation, guess I dont have a clue how this game is played, but I was conversing about the favorites and agreeing that they never all pan out and…asking when Randball was going to have a TX. H.o.l.d.e.m. invitational tournament?
jpf: the Strib Moderator 3000 is quite sensitive to mentions of the types of games you find in Las Vegas or products that rhyme with Niagara.
However, “poopy poop poop pants?” Totally good.
jpf
I think the word “coming” is what’s getting you blocked. Rand wants to make sure that the Common Man is banned from chatting…. We’re Coming!!!…
I was not impressed with the new American Gladiators stadium. First, the powerball rings were enormous allowing for people to take jump shots into the baskets. Second, some of the new gladiators SUCKED. Hanging Tough (my favorite event) was an example of this with only 4 rings being needed to take a platform. LAME.
However, my fiancee and I now have a crush on, “crush.” Hot indeed.
superrookie - re:Crush
Agreed.
Dave via Superrookie -re:Crush
I also agree
It’s official, the Cowboys are now going to lose to the Giants this weekend and it might not be close.
Didn’t catch American Gladiators Redux last night, but I think “Crush” is actually Gina Carano - MMA Superstar. Nothing sexier than watching her punch some uggo in the face.
I don’t know which 2 teams will be in the bowl, but I (and most of the planet) have no doubt the Pats will take it all. I’ve been to Gillette field and though not nearly as nasty cold as Lambeau, it’s probably a more raw and uncomfortable environ, and playing the best team in years, whoever survives these upcoming games will have little chance there unless Moss reverts to Viking form…
Nonetheless, some picks …Sat. first..Green Bay’s speedsters over a decent but not great Seattle, the same with Pats (very) easily over the Jags who barely survived Pitt
Sun..the better games..Indy over S. D. and the best game …Giants over Dallas
for me, watching 4 games on top of all those bowl games makes me look forward to golf from Hawaii and figure skating, since I’m tired of announcer’s idiotic banter 
Paulos,
The only place I recommend you go to escape the idiotic banter is to sleep. However this most recent post is probably the most coherent, logical, and cogent thing you’ve written in weeks. If not ever.
[…] Here’s another interesting post I read today by Randball […]
I’ll take that as a compliment, dano..
