Guest post COW: Rocket’s freestyle
Posted on January 28th, 2008 – 10:34 AMBy Michael Rand
Having known Rocket for the better part of almost two decades now, we had a feeling that he might take the news of the Super Bowl party featuring Tone Loc, Digital Underground and Young MC and just run with it. His affinity for late 1980s/early 90s rap knows no bounds. Specifically, his cassette of “Loc’ed After Dark” took many a spin in his boombox and our 1990 Geo Prism, “Al.” So it came as no surprise that his 300-word Commenter Of the Week post was a takeoff on Tone’s “Wild Thing.” Sadly, we had to redact a decent portion of it. So it goes. Now Rocket knows what it feels like to be Luther Campbell from 2 Live Crew. In any event, here we go:
I clearly won this week’s COW on the strength of my parody of one of the classic songs of the criminally underrated/ unfortunately maligned genre of late ‘80s and early ‘90s party rap. So let’s jump back on that horse. In loving memory of Tone Loc …
Let’s do it
Workin’ all week
9 to 5 for my money
So when the RandBall comes
I write posts that are funny
Surfin’ on the interweb
I saw this girl and she was pumpin’
I tried to share what I’d seen, of something obscene
But [redacted] covered up the bumpin’
I like to post as Rocket
PPP says “your a lire”
But other posters know I got it goin’ on
And my book has lots of buyers
Took my laptop to the hotel
I was reading different e-zines
But they were boring me, if you know what I mean
So I started doing the RandBall thing
RandBall thing
RandBall thing
Back in the hometown
Hangin’ out with the old lads
I saw this girl, she cold rocked my world
And I had to [redacted].
She looked at me and smiled
And said, “You have plans to make amour?”
I said, “Why do I get the feeling
I’ve been in this situation before?”
So we journeyed to her house
One thing led to another
I keyed the door, we cold hit the floor
I looked at her and [redacted].
I didn’t know what to say
I was hanging by a string
She said, “It’s true, what I’m sayin’ to you
After tonight [redacted].
I must end it there because my word count is reaching its limit. Nonetheless, which songs do you think would be welcome additions for the expanding genre of RandBall parodies?
9 Responses to "Guest post COW: Rocket’s freestyle"
An easy answer to your ending question: Skee-Lo - I Wish
Workin’ hard for the money
produced that Randb bit o’poem
and that I do laud..
but what I would applaud even more is if they gave a Superbowl with no dancers, prancers or all manners of fakes from across this great land, no musicians copping attitudes and strutting for the crowds, half of whom do not know these “popular” groups..
or put perhaps more as question than as an oblique wonderment is this..
why are such show biz suckups needed at all in the midst of a football game? Aren’t the endless commercials already enough of a farce..
Good Golly Miss Molly, we’re not in Kansas anymore…
Notorious BIG- Back to Cali
Eminem- My Name is
Snoop- Gin and Juice
Coolio- Gangsta’s Paradise (This would be great for McHale)
Don’t forget that top band, AndAll4Profit = whole reason to make 1/2 time 2 hours long…give me foootball or give me death
Ice Ice Baby
Informer
Good Vibrations
Rumpshaker
Baby Got Back
What really slays me about halftimes for the last too many years isn’t the music. If it’s rap, no problem, that’s always on the radio, so I can slip in a CD or change the channel, and so it is during the halftime. I just go and get something to eat. Like I said no problem to me, but rap simply has no knock down appeal to me. Others have said it better..it’s too repetitive, hateful, argumentative and represents not the horrid beginnings of the artist as what sells with his/her fans. Like I said, to each his own but at least use your own name when singing, but that’s just one of my peeves.
No, what gets me most is these huge extravaganzas of people and fabric spread out on the playing field like the Xcel center exploded and now all those skaters there become these angels on turf, floating with the wondrously calming ? sounds of the rap groups on stage. Figure skating is one thing to me, but all these clowns on turf annoy me.
Like I said, go back to a simpler time when a 1/2 time was no longer than in a regular game, when the (remember this ?) the punt, pass and kick finals were actually held at 1/2 time not just the awards given out. Now that was exciting ! But 300 people pulling pastel panels behind them as they bounce to the beat of Gansta rap, no.
“Higher” by Creed, if only because I get to imagine it in Scott Staph’s voice and add superfluous “Creed”s to the lyrics. Also, it will be the first non-rap song* suggested.
Example of superfluous “Creeding”(imagine Staph’s voice if you will):
Can you Creed me higher?
To the place where blind men Creed?
Can you Creed me higher?
To a place with Creed Creed Creeeeeeed.
*I use the word “song” very loosely in conjunction with Creed.
I do love that rap music. It move me like prunes…
My favorite (worst all time) rap lyrics from About.com
“Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I’m slippin.”
- Dr. Dre, “Nuthin’ But a ‘G’ Thang”
Gotta luv that…
