Thursday (Roids! Everywhere!) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on February 14th, 2008 – 7:48 AMBy Michael Rand
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The Fasola-link is going primetime today, having taken us down a path that could only lead to one morning solution: steroids, and plenty of them. You see, it’s not just your favorite athletes — and least-favorite athletes — that are taking performance enhancing drugs. It’s all creatures great and small. To summarize our findings from recent weeks:
*Per Fasolamatt, bulls in the Professional Bull Riders’ competitions will now be tested for steroids.
*Chinese chickens are steroid risks.
*Prison softball players are seeking that edge.
*This is from a while ago, but table tennis anyone? Oh, don’t forget your steroids!
*High schoolers in Illinois will be tested.
You get it. But we’re sure we’ve missed quite a few. So rather than talking about how the Wolves were shellacked again last night, or instead of spending too much time on Clemens this morning, please use your imaginations and either dig up another oddball steroid scandal that we missed, or conjure up one of your own that hasn’t happened yet but just might.
8 Responses to "Thursday (Roids! Everywhere!) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
Mathletes large medulla oblongata don’t compute
I’m 87% sure this is real.
I found this stuff on a “Dangers of Steroids” site…
The dangers to men we know…
Shrinking of the testicles
Reduced sperm count
Impotence
Baldness
Difficulty or pain in urinating
Development of breasts
Enlarged prostate
but the dangers to women:
masculinization
Growth of facial hair
Changes in or cessation of the menstrual cycle
Enlargement of the clitoris
Deepened voice
Breast reduction
But, at least one of those above seem to be not as much a problem as others. Can you guess which one ?
Mr. Chairman,
I must confess that all of the fasolalinks are prepared and sent while I am under the influence of performance-enhancing drugs, specifically a dark roast coffee with two shots of espresso from The Bean Factory on Randolph Avenue.
I understand that I may be disappointing vertically-challenged Americans who look up to me as a role model, but the truth must be told.
faso, bean factory yummm. gud place
Here are the first few things that come to mind when I think “not yet caught” steroid industries:
Porn
Pro Wrestling
American Gladiators (Hogan…Vitamins and Prayers my ass)
Mr. and Ms. Universe
Worlds Strongest Man
I am not a big Patrick Reusse fan but his column today was great. He was talking about what Mike Barnacle said about Roger Clemens when The Rocket left Boston for Toronto in 1997. Hilarious!!
One other “not yet caught”…as in not caught in the act is a tape of Clemens getting shot up, since w/o a tape it will be seen by some as just hearsay (the same people whose ancestors felt the world was flat)
Joker - didn’t’ pro wrestling have its steroids scandal 15 or so years ago?
