Guest post COW: Clarence Swamptown [redacted]

Posted on February 26th, 2008 – 11:15 AM
By Michael Rand
wi_wisconsin_map.jpg

Clarence Swamptown won his initial Commenter Of the Week award with some good old fashioned high comedy. He continued it with his guest post; that’s the good news. The bad news? We had to [redact] a fair amount of it. Suffice to say, most of the stories from a pub crawl in Wisconsin aren’t able to be told. But we’ll let you try to fill in the blanks with your filthy imaginations. Clarence? You have clearance.

Last weekend marked the 4th anniversary of my annual tour of Western Wisconsin bars with old high school and college friends. The trip has been labeled “WW4″. Each year we take a different route from Rosemount to a cabin near Siren, Wisconsin. Some of the towns on the route did not have bars (?!). The trip took 15 hours and one designated driver’s sanity.

Basic rules:
1. One bar per town.
2. One drink per bar.

Highlights:
*Last year a guy had too many Jag Bombs. He got naked and went #1 and #2 on the bar’s bathroom floor. He also [redacted]. He was not invited this year.

*A waitress in Clam Falls asked us if we wanted to see her “New [redacted].” We said yes. She lifted [redacted]. A world class Jason Kidd-like head fake.

*The last stop was the “Lewis Schoolhouse” (we got lost). After consolidation closed the Lewis School, the townsfolk turned the empty building into a bar. Inside the bar were about 20 people gathered around a wrestling ring. We had stumbled into Wrastlin’ night in Lewis. The undercard featured Rock N Roll Buck Zum Hoffe (of AWA fame) against the Mad Russian. The Mad Russian wore an old snowmobile suit and a fencing mask. After 15 vodka sodas it seemed reasonable that I angrily yell “Mike Euruzione!” I recorded part of the match with my camera phone but, as you might suspect, it is very shaky. So here is a YouTube link to the same match wrestled at a bar just down the road. The match was boring but to a group of drunks, it was just what we needed to cap off another great trip.

Comments are closed.