Guest post: 24 hours of hoc-key
Posted on February 27th, 2008 – 10:28 AMBy Michael Rand
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In doing a little Internets stumbling around over the weekend, we came upon a “24 hours of hockey” day coming up on Friday (Leap Day). We have commissioned the one and only hoc-key lover Jon Marthaler to tell you all about it as only he can. Jon, take it away:
This Friday is a big day for international hockey: the International Ice Hockey Federation is celebrating its 100th anniversary, and has designated Leap Day as the day of worldwide celebration. USA Hockey, for its celebration, is getting into the act with what it’s calling the 24-Hour Hockey Game. Basically, the idea is to hold 48 consecutive 30-minute running-time hockey games, one in each of the Lower 48 States, back-to-back for 24 consecutive hours. (Alaska and Hawaii are playing “overtime” at the end of the 24 hours, regardless of whether the game is tied or not, which when you think about it, is much the same rule as the NHL uses.)
Each game will have one team designated “Stars” and one team designated “Stripes,” which I think we can all agree is a wasted opportunity. Personally, I would have named one team “Team USA” and the other team “Anaheim” and mandated that one player on the latter team in each state wear #4, thus giving fans across the country a chance to cheer against (and perhaps throw things at) a quasi-Todd Bertuzzi, but that’s just me.
Anyway, the schedule is out, giving us a chance to make a few predictions about Friday’s event:
*A record low negative-12 spectators will show up in Oklahoma (3:00 a.m. local time) and Kansas (3:30 a.m.) combined. In Florida, however, officials will be thrilled when 143 fans show up, nearly doubling the state record for attendance at a hockey game.
*A “first intermission” will be declared at 9:00 p.m. Eastern, when it is discovered that nobody in Mississippi owns a hockey stick, and that the planned venue is actually a disused canning factory with a layer of tuna grease serving as the ice surface.
*Fighting Sioux fans will blame Minnesota for the controversy in its game (5:00 a.m. local time), which will end with a bench-clearing brawl and 14 players disqualified for fighting.
*New Hampshire, scheduled to play the second game of the day at 12:30 Eastern, will surprise officials by moving its game up to 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Not to be outdone, Iowa (12:30 a.m. local time) will attempt to move its half-hour to sometime in late April, 2005.
*WCHA supervisor of officials Greg Shepherd will assign his son Derek to be the head referee of 39 of the 50 games.
*By 4:00 a.m., Jacques Lemaire will have been quoted as ripping the Stripes team for “lack of effort” 14 separate times.
*Scores from Texas’s game (2:30 a.m. local time) will be disallowed when it is discovered that Stars beat Stripes 28-21 in touch football.
I’m sure you have more. (Hoc-key? Yes, we know.)
7 Responses to "Guest post: 24 hours of hoc-key"
Just as an aside (the highest form of writing), if the “Fighting Sioux” had a few dozen F-16s and a few thou Cluster bombs, there would be no Mn. But there would still be hockey, since hockey nuts would just fill in the bomb craters with water and play on.
I’ve been gone for a couple of days and was hoping to jump back into the fray, and what does Rand gives me? 3 straight posts on hockey.
There is some irony here, as I was in training yesterday with a room full of Zonies. The instructor was asking trivial pursuit questions. My team fully expected that as a Minnesotan, I should have known that Maurice Richard was the first player to score 50 goals in a season. The only thing that made me feel better is that the Canadian sitting next to me knew less about hockey than me. Hoser.
I wouldn’t put it past Arkansas to have there game consist of any or all of the following:
A. Brooms for sticks and a field rat for a puck
B. Post game festivities of a round of “Are you partents related by blood”
C. The final dying words of 3 or more plays saying “hold my beer, I’m gonna try somthin”
D. One simple phrase, “What’s Hockey??”
*Are your parents
*3 or more players
Couldn’t this 24 hour thing be strictly done in Alaska in the middle of Winter so that it doesn’t see the light of day?
Jon, don’t forget that Brad Shepherd will be tag-teaming as assistant referee with his brother for the 39 games, with the other 11 being taken by a 3-man crew of Don Adam, Randy Schmidt, and Todd Anderson, all yelling at each other to have the upper hand in officiating.
This 24 hours (of light) schtick reminded me of some hockey players who needed a science project to graduate (that’s the first joke)
Well, they thought of going to Pluto (too far), then to the Dark Side of the Moon (been done already by Neal Armstrong and Pink Floyd)…finally the brightest hockey player (that’s the second joke) suggested “going to the Sun !!”, but when a far wiser puck watcher in the stands said “you’ll burn up”, our bright and toothless leader said “Relax, we’ll go at night !!”
Well, if you thought I made that up, you can play for this team …HardeHar
