So we arranged our work schedule yesterday in order to check out the Twins for the first time in person. You might say, “But they play all those convenient night games; why muddle everything up by trying to get to a day game.” And we might say, “Shut up.” Anyway, we headed to the game with three good gentlemen (two of the three members of the 70/30 Club — hence named for our ability to grouse about things over lazy breakfasts as if we’re 70, when really most of us are closer to 30 — and one other bloke we’ll call “Mike” because that’s his name. As you’ll recall, the offensively challenged local squad started to come alive a little in the later innings yesterday, but not enough to douse the ire Mike felt toward one Jason Kubel. So when the lefty came to the plate in a 5-3 game, Mike threw down the gauntlet and declared, “If Jason Kubel hits a home run, I will buy a Jason Kubel jersey.” And, literally next pitch, Kubel launches one into the upper deck. Immediately, Mike knows he’s stuck. He was on record, and the moment was just too perfect. But that didn’t stop him from offering a bunch of double-or-nothing scenarios (routinely dismissed by all and most notably by the same member of the Gang of Four that had turned down the official Twins Fan Photographer’s offer of having his picture picture by saying, “Wow, I really don’t think I’d ever want to do that.”) When those failed, Mike started testing the boundaries of what he’d be allowed to buy: one of those lame T-shirt jerseys; a theoretically cheaper used Mientkiewicz Twins jersey that he could rip the name off and replace with “Kubel” since they’re both No. 16; etc. And that’s where you, dear readers, come in to play. The cheapest true Kubel jersey we can find online is about $100. Should Mike be held to that standard, or is he allowed to get creative and purchase a cheaper version if he is able to find it? Also, are there combinations in play here — that is to say, if he buys the cheaper version, should he have to wear it to a certain number of games?

By the way (movie quote answer key):

1. D2
2. Slap Shot
3. Into the Wild
4. Wild Things
5. The Wild
6. Youngblood
7. Miracle
8. Call of the Wild
9. Mystery, Alaska
10. MVP (Most Valuable Primate)

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