Monday (Memphis or Kansas) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on April 7th, 2008 – 9:00 AMBy Michael Rand
With just one game remaining in the men’s college hoops bracket blowout spectacular, RandBall Style, tonight’s championship game will have a huge bearing on the winner. Here’s how it breaks down: If Kansas wins, Matt Nelson and Mike Ring will tie at 277 points for the title; if Memphis wins, JPF and his UCLA-picking 260 points will hold on while AZGopherGirl will come up just short at 258. Your humble Proprietor, who held down first place for quite a while, needs a miracle upset victory tonight from Georgetown to reclaim the top spot. Danonymous and — in a major upset — Christ Almighty are going to finish tied for last with 182, thus sparing Stu (188) from the shame. Saturday’s games really changed things; just 8 of 28 players have either Kansas or Memphis winning it all, while 19 of you had either UCLA or North Carolina. And yes, we were the only one out of 28 not to pick a No. 1 seed to win it all. In any event, since many of you have neither a vested (prize) interest or any other sort of emotional attachment to tonight’s game, let’s take a look at the two participants and see if we can come up with a rooting consensus:
*When searching Google Images, “Memphis” pulls up adult film start Memphis Monroe (careful) and also the Memphis Grizzlies; “Kansas” pulls up pictures of wheat and the above band. Advantage: even.
*We’ve been to Kansas; we’ve never been to Memphis. Advantage: Memphis.
*Memphis has future Timberwolves point guard Derrick Rose; Kansas has local boy Cole Aldrich. Advantage: even.
*Memphis coach John Calipari can guess your weight within three pounds. Kansas coach Bill Self always knows what time it is within 15 minutes. Advantage: Kansas^
*Tiebreaker: Memphis knocked out Kevin Love and UCLA. Tyler Hansbrough and North Carolina; Kansas knocked out Stephen Curry and Davidson. Advantage: even.
That says it all, folks. We’re rooting hard for Memphis tonight!
Mystery link! The very first “One Shining Moment.” (Forward to about 2:00)
^Entire thing made up; Bill Self attribute might actually be something about Ourself.
(Update: It has come to our attention that Memphis did not, in fact, defeat North Carolina. Sadly, however, the Georgetown part was right).
24 Responses to "Monday (Memphis or Kansas) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
Which teams players have better signatures? How dumb is it that CBS shows the starting players and head coaches signatures when they are announced. I thought that ridiculous trend ended about the time Larry Johnson and Stacey “Plastic Man” Augmon were leaving UNLV.
I’m not sure which is worse the signatures or those choreographed handshakes at the Boys State High School Basketball Tournament. End.
The dude from Kansas (the band) with the eyepatch? He lost his eye because he rocked so hard. True story*.
Derrick Rose is good. The Wolves did their part to get better odds this weekend, and I think the Sonics won last night to boot.
My board, though less shameful than others, is still shameful.
*No.
“*Tiebreaker: Memphis knocked out Tyler Hansbrough and North Carolina; Kansas knocked out Stephen Curry and Davidson. Advantage: Memphis.”
Actually, this should be advantage: Kansas.
Memphis beat UCLA, and Kansas beat Tyler Hansbrough, Tyler Hansbrough’s heart, passion and intensity.
Okay, if Memphis wins, my bracket moves into the top 10 after sitting in last or second to last for most of the tourney.
That is unreasonable.
After Memphis wins, which would be perfect considering I was born there…where do I pick up my first place reward of tickets and airfare to the Masters? shhhhhh!!!!, dont wake me….
I thought that ridiculous trend ended about the time Larry Johnson and Stacey “Plastic Man” Augmon were leaving UNLV.
They probably considered it after Johnson, Augmon, and Jerry Tarkanian just made “X”s for their signatures?
Actually, Stu, a Google for “how did the dude from Kansas lose his eye?”, result #4, yields a YouTube interview where the comments (always a place for helpful, factual information) yield this gem: “I don’t know if it’s true but I heard he lost his eye when he was in junior high school when a homemade bomb blew up in his face. He wore a glass eye for many years before switching to the eye patch.”
Close enough to what you said, I guess.
I thought that ridiculous trend ended about the time Larry Johnson and Stacey “Plastic Man” Augmon were leaving UNLV.
They probably considered it after Johnson, Augmon, and Jerry Tarkanian just made “X”s for their signatures
Stupid server, made me think I didn’t post. Liar. Should have given me the “slow down, cowboy” spiel…
Rock chalk Jayhawk.
Matt: I choose to believe all internet commentary that is prefaced by the conditional, “I don’t know if it’s true, but…”
If Kansas wins, I’ll come in 3rd with 271. Do I at least get my entry fee back for that?
The Kansas Band Member Handbook (kept for reference above my cubicle desk) clearly states:
Part 5.2.2: If you do not have Rock Star hair, you must wear a pirate related accessory.
+1, Clarence. Also, kudos to almost all for not mentioning my glaring factual error.
Rand - I personally just figured you knowing that the 10 people in attendance and the dozens reading from across the state (and Arizona) would all have noticed that Kansas beat the team that beat your winner AND UNC was embarrassment enough.
On a related note, Stu you’re slipping. Not even a mention of Rand’s mistake…?
Factual errors are what keep us coming back. With out factual errors all you have is photos.
Does anyone have a link to the tourney pick standings?
Joker: Rand said that if I didn’t turn a blind eye to those things, he’d give the Hunt Down to Paulos. I love you guys too much to potentially subject you to 2000 words on what Lynn Dickey is up to and how it ties into Venezuelan oil production.
Venezuela has oil? I thought all they exported were Major League Baseball Players and some illegal substances.
Stu - “if I didn’t turn a blind eye to those things”… was that a subliminal nod to the guy in Kansas?
I’m guessing if he lost his eye because he rocked too hard, he probably was the fiddle player. Rocking too hard and fiddle playing are a dangerous combination. I’ve seen the consequences.
May I request a Hunt Down on Gary Larsen?
BTW - Mike Miller, dropping 34 on the Wolves does not excuse that look. Not in the least. Unlike the Proprietor I’ve been to Memphis enough to know they have Cost Cutters there.
And Mike, wtf is this?
http://www.mikemiller33.com/home.php
Dude, get off it. You think we don’t know you’re from (redacted) SoDak!
As a past South Dakotan, I would also like to add that Mike Miller played in the atrocious Corn Palace. And that nobody outside his family and friends likes to admit that he is from S.D.
Both teams run. Memphis runs faster. Close but no cigar
Stu, how are you , old bud ? It’s not even football season yet so what’s a “hunt down” ? As for me, I’m waiting for another purple collapse to start writing regularly
P3’s hunt-down would probably involve bright orange and someone getting shot by Dick Cheney.
