Tuesday (Late viewing tips) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on April 15th, 2008 – 8:51 AMBy Michael Rand
Last night’s thrilling Wild game — overtime? Who would have thought? — ended at right around midnight according to our calculations. Some of you might have gone to bed or fallen asleep on various couches or chairs. You are in this morning’s Hall of Shame. If you’re going to commit to a late night game, particularly in the playoffs, you have to see it all the way through. That’s just one of the rules of late night sports viewing that we’d like you to carry over to tonight, when Minnesota and Colorado do this all over again at 9 p.m., this time with the Wild ahead 2-1 in the series.
*The same rule that applies to you applies to your children, though they have a little more leeway to nod off. Not a lot more, just a little more. But either put them to bed or let them try to fight it out all the way through. They’re going to learn how to be tired at school sometime. Why not start now?^
*Do not adjust yourself into a more comfortable position as the game wears on. Danger! Danger! Stand up if you have to. Do some jumping jacks. Poke yourself with a fork. Whatever it takes to not fall asleep.
*Don’t overextend yourself emotionally too early. This includes getting into a lather over an early penalty (blaming the refs is so uncouth anyway) or sinking to bottom just because of an early deficit.
*There are various narcotics, available via the Internet or on some street corners, that will help you stay awake. DO NOT TAKE THESE. They are dangerous and beneath you. Nothing stronger than the government-sanctioned caffeine, please.
*If you are watching alone, establish a connection with the outside world, be it on a blog comment board, telephone, text message, whatever. These moments of interaction will keep you alert.
*Swear. A lot. It’s been scientifically proven^^ that a good chain of expletives helps you stay up a full 45 minutes later than keeping words too bottled up. This might seem to contradict the earlier rule about not getting too worked up. It does not.
*Always remember the key percentages: you will be 97 percent happier waking up the next morning after a win as opposed to a loss, but you will be 142 percent less happy if you miss the ending.
What else? Not even the Twins’ bullpen could sully last night if you enjoy playoff hockey. … Full NFL schedule is out later today.
Fasola-link! Catching up with Mudcat Grant.
^Not the preferred method among child development specialists.
^^No.
33 Responses to "Tuesday (Late viewing tips) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
RE: Twins Bullpen
I’m just glad the Wild win happened AFTER the Twins disaster last night…
I was not happy. The Twins have basically turned all of the “known elements” around. The starting pitching is decent. The hitting is inconsistent. And the bullpen is unreliable. Oh yeah, and Adam Everett has made more errors than Bartlett would have…
*Swear. A lot. It’s been scientifically proven^^ that a good chain of expletives helps you stay up a full 45 minutes later than keeping words too bottled up. This might seem to contradict the earlier rule about not getting too worked up. It does not.
Did you graduate from Hollywood Upstairs Medical School, too?
Not even the Twins’ bullpen could sully last night if you enjoy playoff hockey
That’s a mighty big “if” there, fella.
Oh well, at least the Marth is happy.
Not that I believe in those things… but there is some kind of cosmic irony in the Wild’s OT goal and Foster’s terrible injury (which prompted a debate on no-touch icing.)
Not that I believe in those things…
Generally I agree with you on late night sporting events, but not on this occasion. Here’s why:
1. It was only game 3 and it’s the First Round.
2. With Hockey you could be up for an extra 2 hours, you never know when that game is going to end. I lasted until the end of regulation and then gave up. That game could have gone into 3 OT’s.
3. Just turn on the TV the next morning and catch the last goal on local news or the WWL.
4. If the Wild does happen to lose you don’t lose any sleep over it. You are already asleep and it’s not such a big deal the next day.
I should have prefaced this by saying I’m only a casual hockey fan at best but I think my comments make that pretty obvious.
I thought about staying up, but after the kids went down, two events within five minutes caused me to not even turn on the TV:
1.) Manny Ramirez took Joe Borowski deep
2.) Colorado scored their first goal
So I went to bed and skipped the whole thing.
I will be attending game 5 to atone for this sin. But I won’t watch game 4 because I don’t have cable.
I tried to cheat. After the Twins debacle I set the alarm for 11:40 pm and went to sleep, hoping to see end of the game. But the alarm didn’t work and I missed everything.
We have another kid coming sometime in the next few weeks so I’m trying to stockpile my sleep. But it’s no excuse, I deserved my come up’ins.
It looks like the Wild and Avs might have a little bit of a rivalry brewing. Either that or this “journalist” spent too much time at the MOA.
Matt
At least the Cavs stole a win yesterday and locked up homecourt for the first round. That ending was a little suspicious if you ask me.
I only made it through the end of regulation. I made the mistake of “overextending myself emotionally too early” by watching the Twins give away TWO [REDACTED] FIVE RUN LEADS. Glad to see the bullpen live up to their billing as the steady, reliable part of the club that no one needs to worry about.
Also, can someone PLEASE tell the Baby Sideburned Jesus to be a little more even the slightest bit aggressive at the plate???
/Baseball rant on hoc-key themed post.
The Hootie’s rage speaks to me.
There’s plenty more rage where that came from. I’ll be releasing it in loud, disjointed snippets on the corner of 1st and Hennepin over lunch if anyone is interested.
Rand- The conversation is slowing down. Any chance of getting this bumped to the main page to get things started again? I’m in the mood for some more deep, thoughtful debates.
If you haven’t done so already, you should read the Denver Post article that basically implies the Wild are all a bunch of Hanson brothers.
http://www.denverpost.com/sports/ci_8927475
Christ [redacted] pop him!!
I can’t speak for the accuracy of the Post guy’s hoc-key allegations, which for all I know may be true, but this:
“The Land of 10,000 Dead Car Batteries”
Seriously, dude? Hack.
That {redacted} Mark Kiszla. He jumped us! Gloves off, stick down, no warning, he challenged the Wild! Called us names!
But roughkat was there. Roughkats a killer. But now roughkats out. Who’s gonna take his place?
I never knew the Avs were such namby-pamby guys. Seriously, that guy doesn’t know thuggery…Exhibit A would be last years Ducks team…
Wow. Kiszla gets paid real American dollars to write like that??
Glad to see he’s getting taken to task by pretty much every commenter. Out of curiosity, how many of those are Randballers?
Looks like me, roughkat and jama should be visiting Russo more often. He scooped all of our comments.
roughkat
That will be $5 for reposting a link that I had already posted. It’s one of the Randball commandments. (That would be a good post!)
I take cash only. Thank you.
The only thing offensive in that whole Kiszla column were the cheap shots at our state. What kind of wimpy [redacted] writes an entire column about a team playing hockey too tough. He should have to turn in his man card for that.
The rule “Swear. A lot.” seems to be counter indicated by the rule that says children should be allowed to stay up watching the game to the end. If they are not watching in another room than the adult they may well be learning another lesson they demonstrate at school tomorrow than just “how to be tired at school sometimes.” Then. the adult may end up getting a call from a school employee at a time that interferes with watching the next game. If the children are in the same room as the adult, I would suggest an extra handful of jumping jacks instead every time the urge to swear is beginning to take over.
I didn’t even read far enough to know that the guy stooped to making fun of the Wild’s uniforms…
When all else fails, make fun of how they look. That’s the sign of a true winner. I learned it in high school.
Of course, since the column’s purpose had to be baiting Minnesotans into responding and stirring up a rumpus, +1 to the hack. I bet this gets mentioned on at least one local sportscast tonight.
Does anyone consistantly watch the local sportscasts? Do they ever give you information that you don’t already know?
I think an untrained monkey could do the job of Shaver, Rosen, and whoever else does the sports “newscasts”.
jama - i’ll take that fiver for pointing it out first (and the fact that it was already posted over at the strib’s wild page).
That fiver and another one can almost get you a beer downtown these days.
Stu
I think KFAN owes you some royalties. They had Scott Erickson and his wife on this morning pitching their Movie*.
I still don’t think anyone would have even known this existed if not for the Huntdown. It’s 2 months later and you are still living off that post aren’t you?
*I have yet to see this and they are only releasing it in 4 places. Therefore I’m not sure it could be considered a movie, maybe more of a hobby.
ramon
When did you point out the article? I must have missed that, I guess I must also owe you a dollar. I’d suggest not holding your breath though.
*I have yet to see this and they are only releasing it in 4 places. Therefore I’m not sure it could be considered a movie, maybe more of a hobby.
Paris Hilton’s home “movies” have more viewership…
Maybe Scott Erickson and his wife should take a page from her notebook…
Dave
Do you really want to see Scott naked that badly?
Not particularly, I was trying to be nice and think of what the rest of you would want, for once. Excuse me for being considerate…
jama - no… I meant to point out to roughkat that you’d already linked to it… and that they were already on over at the Wild page earlier this a.m….
Except I pointed it out so cryptically only I understood me. I owe you four bucks. 
Someone needs to explain why the Denver media thinks that insulting the Wild is the way to go during the playoffs. I don’t understand it. Do Denver readers have such an inferiority complex that they will accept no theories other than “the other team is a bunch of untalented hacks?”
Maybe they’re trying to become the most miserable sports city?
