Perhaps it was too much to ask, but last week we awarded Stu, Clarence Swamptown, Brandon and AZGopherGirl a quarter of a COW each and offered them 150 words with a catch: they had to incorporate the words “kitchen,” “dogged” and “razor-thin” into their posts. What we got back? Mayhem, incompleteness and, well, things in poor taste. In short, exactly what we asked for from four Commenters Of the Week. Let’s do this:

Clarence: Sorry, I am not smart enough to incorporate kitchen, dogged, and razor-thin into a 150 word story. I hope that doesn’t screw this 4-headed COW thing up. If it does, let me know and I’ll try to come up with something. Otherwise, here is what I’ve got: In 1985 George Jones released the single “Whose Gonna Fill Their Shoes?” Within the song Mr. Jones rhetorically asks who will step up to sing, and punch Tammy Wynette in the face, like country music legends of the past. While I have never met the RandBall proprietor, he looks like a sprite young lad in his picture. He also looks like the result of the PC guy from the Mac commercials and Ross from “Friends” making a baby. And now he runs marathons. He will bury us all. But who will fill the RandBall commenting shoes?

Yesterday I was driving with my kids. A transcript of their conversation:

4-year old (singing): Four little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his……butt.
*Hysterical laughter*

2-year old (singing): Three little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his……poop.
*More hysterical laughter*

They may be rough around the edges, but the future of RandBall commenting has some promise.

——————–

Stu: I actually watched Game 6 of the Wild/Avalanche series from start to finish, and lived to tell the tale.

The Comely Missus Stu and I were visiting friends in St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin. Their house is currently without cable or satellite, and the man of the house, being from the Range, bleeds hockey. His “going out” shirt is a Wild jersey. His “going someplace nice” shirt is the same Wild jersey, but cleaner.

After some cocktails and appetizers in their kitchen, we piled into their truck in dogged pursuit of a place to watch the game. This being Wisconsin, there was no shortage of options, and we settled on something called Loggers. Working against it: it’s in a strip mall. Working for it: everyone drinks for free from 11:45 to 12:00, the CMS could smoke in the bar, and as the website notes, it has “over 50 different animal mounts.” In addition, the presence of a stuffed equus asinus [Proprietor note: redirected from ass.] caused the CMS to ask, “Why would you mount an equus asinus?” Unfortunately for her, she used the more common English name for that animal rather than the binomial name. Much juvenile hilarity ensued.

My takeaway from the game itself:

*I forgot how quickly the game went, what with the relative absence of timeouts compared to football or basketball.
*I hear the best player on the Wild is Marian Gaborik. Why didn’t he play? Was he a healthy scratch?
*I correctly called Colorado’s first goal a “shortie,” but misused terms like “5-hole” and “top shelf” repeatedly and on purpose.
*Although 2-1 looks like a razor-thin margin in a box score, once the Avalanche had that lead, it looked to this novice like they were up by 20.
*joe-ZAY TAY-oh-door is really good at what he does.

I can’t say that I’ll watch it again anytime soon, but there are worse ways to spend a Saturday night.

———————

Brandon: You may very well not want to use this [Proprietor note: Parts have been redacted]: Being given a limit of 150 words leaves me only enough space for a quick anecdote. Consider this an “Us Weekly”-type reprieve from actual hard-hitting news (actually, that sentiment basically sums up Randball’s existence, so this might just fit in nicely), but I heard a secondhand rumor a while back that I couldn’t help but pass along. I’ve been told that Twins pitcher Boof Bonser has a tattoo featuring his last name. I have no way of proving this, obviously. Can this be true? This seems too good to be true. And yes, I’ll admit that this juicy bit of info means absolutely nothing and helps progress knowledge in no way, that it’s irrelevant and silly and wholly pointless and possibly untrue to boot, but these anecdotes of our larger-than-life professional athletes are humanizing in some way, right? Entertaining and possibly a bit endearing?

————————-

AZGopherGirl: Any chance I can trade this COW post for a COW post to be named later? It would be like a fun surprise. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day when you least expect it, BAM! I’ve tried. First I was going to connect Earth Day to professional sports, but my research results were yawners. Then I was going to write how much I hate the NBA, but it’s really morphed into something more about how I inherited my sports interests from my Mom. Maybe a good Mother’s Day post, maybe too lame for the RB crowd. Either way, not ready for prime time today. My guess is that you’ve never dealt with a COW poster that’s this high maintenance. Some might say there’s a correlation between that and the fact that I’m a Uterine-American. I say, perhaps.

—————-

Try making sense of all that, folks. And please note that nobody but Stu followed directions. Scoundrels.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 at 2:51 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.