Many of you are likely aware that the annual selection process known as the NFL Draft is this weekend. With the Vikings having essentially made their big move — think of Jared Allen as a top-five pick who is a known commodity instead of a rookie set to grab an absurd bonus, who was acquired for a No. 1 (17th overall) and a couple of No. 3s and then decide if he was worth it. He was. — Saturday loses quite a bit of its local juice. That notion, plus the fact that we don’t really know heads or tails about who is going where, leads us to create a mock draft of a different sort for you. We’re going to “scout” some of our most frequent commenters; you, in the comments, are going to put together your preferred commenter draft order. Also, if you don’t see your name here but would like to write your own scouting report, go for it in the comments as well. Sounds like fun. Lobbying is encouraged.

Jama
Strengths: Motor that won’t quit, as evidenced by preponderance of comments, and just as strong during a.m. posts as p.m. posts. … Keen eye for breaking news. … 35-inch typing vertical.
Weaknesses: Character questions (i.e. Bears fan). … Sometimes veers off-topic. … Commitment to RandBall events is lacking.

Stu
Strengths: Willingness to go the extra mile (i.e. The Hunt Down) … keenly developed funny bone … refers to wife as The Comely Mrs. Stu.
Weaknesses: Talks about hockey only to taunt Marthaler … makes obscure Stearns County references.

Jon
Strengths: Weekend Links … knows a lot about sports few other people care about … quiet leadership.
Weaknesses: Was dominated as a high school football player … Carries hatred of border teams to an irrational level.

Dave MN
Strengths: Excellent reaction time, with comments typically 1.4 seconds after posts go up. … A workhorse who will get you the tough yardage.
Weaknesses: Can smother a post like a heavy blanket. … Sneaking suspicion he believes every word Tim Brewster says.

Roughkat
Strengths: Can run farther than all of us, combined. … Might have had the comment of the year on the Erin Andrews post. … Shows up at 11 of every 10 RandBall events.
Weaknesses: Disappears for days without writing or calling. … Can go right; can he go left? … Believes, deep down, that he could throw a football over those mountains.

AZGopherGirl
Strengths: A regular female commenter who hasn’t grown tired of this act. … Reads trashy magazines so we don’t have to. … Rapier wit to keep everyone off-balance.
Weaknesses: Didn’t attend Tone Loc’s party in Arizona. … Doesn’t have the decency to live somewhere that’s -20 in the winter.

Joker
Strengths: Takes relationships in exciting, bold directions that ensure breakup within 12 seconds. … A perfect situational pass-rusher.
Weaknesses: Will he ever find true love?

Rocket
Strengths: Wrote an entire [redacted] book about just exactly what the Vikings have done to him. … Spends inordinate amounts of time on COW posts. … A starting tight end in a good West Coast offense.
Weaknesses: Uncommon love of haikus and Dancing with the Stars. … Inconsistent performer who disappears for weeks at a time. … Has he lost a step at defensive end?

Clarence Swamptown
Strengths: Quality over quantity. … A thinking man’s commenter.
Weaknesses: Needs to establish more consistency. … Is he just a good “measurables” guy, or can he play on the field, too?

SuperRookie
Strengths: The King of All Media. … One of the RandBall originals. … Good for the environment.
Weaknesses: Tries to sneak cycling news into the rotation. … Plagued by sporadic contributions lately.

Surely, we’re forgetting folks. Fasolamatt (how could we forget?), Brandon, Sassbottom, The Hootie, Toonces51, Victor Lebanon, P3 (where did he go now?), swarmswarmswarm, Ramon, LatteWarrior and anyone else who is at least a semi-regular and would like to write their own scouting report, please do so. We basically just went back and looked at the comments from recent days. Once we got to 10, and realized it long it was taking, it was pretty much over. This wasn’t a scientific process by any means.

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