By Michael Rand
Happy NFL Draft Day, everyone! Unfortunately, the Vikings have already made their pick for the first round — an All-Pro end, which seems like a sweet deal — and so they don’t have much to do for the day. The Purple won’t be selecting until about 7:30 tonight, so if you need something else to do, a list of suggestions:
1. Drive to every bar within a 10-mile radius with a picture of Jared Allen. Extract “no serve, no matter how much he goes smashy smashy” promises from owners.
2. Conduct quiet service at Adrian Peterson shrine.
3. Work on elaborate padding for top of Gus Frerotte’s helmet.
4. Convert Chris Hovan jersey to Jared Allen jersey. (Note: 95 percent of people who will eventually buy an Allen jersey at one time owned a Hovan jersey. It’s science.)
5. (Western and northern Minnesota only) Get that snowmobile out one last time this year. I talked to the folks out in my hometown; they got 10 inches of snow yesterday. In the lingo of our state: that’s just gosh darn ridiculous, doncha know.
On with the links!
*Since we’re in a Vikings mood, we start with this: Read this story about the Sonics owners plotting to move to Oklahoma City last summer. Read it, and understand: this is exactly what Zygi Wilf could do with the Vikings. He might pull this same thing on us, my Minnesota brethren; if we don’t do something — regardless of whether we should or not — the Vikings could be headed to Los Angeles. Zygi has no reason to want to keep the team here, only to look like he wants to keep the team here, just like Clay Bennett. Do not pretend that it couldn’t happen to us — because it has, and it could again.
*Spencerorson Swindlehall at Every Day Should Be Saturday continues in his quest to make me laugh myself to death with this gem: the 2008 Oregon lineman calendar.
*Poor Tracy McGrady. He’s being paid $19 million this year, over $13 million more than any other player on his team save Yao Ming, and somehow it’s HIS fault his team doesn’t win. And tiny violins all over the world play a sad, sad song.
*Yeah, that Pacman Jones thing is going over well in Dallas.
*And finally: it’s your childish laugh of the day! Key quote: “It’s not inappropriate to an organisation that’s looking to have a firm grip on Government spending.”
Enjoy your Saturday; if you’re reading this and there’s snow on the ground outside, try not to sob. We’ll all get through this somehow.