Guest post COW: Roughkat’s top 10 top 10 lsits
Posted on April 29th, 2008 – 12:56 PMBy Michael Rand
Roughkat earned this Commenter Of the Week with this witty barb at our Q&A with Erin Andrews:
So in summary of Part 1:
RB: So you’re on the internet.
EA: Yep, it’s weird.
RB: Remember that one time on YouTube?
EA: Kinda.
RB: That was awesome!
Ls and Gs, Roughkat:
My first thought was to start with the first 300 words of what would become the greatest sports related mockumentary that never existed. I decided to save that for an actual project to be produced by Stu’s new BFFs. I can just picture Stu moving in with Scott and Lisa, and Chili Davis comes over everyday to hang out, kinda like the Simpsons. I digress.
Top 10 lists are way overdone, which is why I’m taking it to the next level and giving you a top 10 list of top 10 lists that will never be. At the end, please add other lists or fill the list for any below.
10. Top 10 Kevin McHale Sweaters - A little known fact, McHale has Cosby on his speed dial and they spend countless hours debating cardigan vs pullover. Bagger Vance once described finding your “perfect shot” which is exactly how K-Hale thinks about finding the “perfect sweater.”
9. Top 10 Mark Madsen missed layups - Mad Dog himself once outlined a coffee table book he was going to put together on his blog. Due to some disagreements with the publisher, this project has been shelved indefinitely.
8. Top 10 Movie Montages - What makes up a great montage: 1 part inspirational song, 1 part look back in time, 2 parts training. Add salt and pepper to taste. You’ll win no matter if you’re fighting Billy Zabka, Mr. T, or skiing against the evil preppie dude.
7. Top 10 Circle Me Bert Signs - Is there a website for this yet? Or at least a YouTube collection? I’m lazy today and have googled too many things already for this just to come up an idea. My favorite: “Circle Me Bert. I like [redacted] more.” Very clever.
6. Top 10 Excuses to watch more of the game - It’s almost halftime. Next commercial. Lew Ford is about to pinch hit. I hate that I can’t use that last one anymore.
5. Top 10 Facebook friends of Matt Leinert - This list is constantly changing. Cindy moved off the list after passing out at the last party. But then Joanna moved up 4 spots when she made out with another girl in the hot tub. Becky told Matt how Erin has a boyfriend in college still so they switched spots.
4. Top 10 Dates with Joe Mauer - It’s a 10 way tie. Every one of the dates includes going to the Old Spaghetti Factory and then skating at the Depot across the street. During dinner the ladies will get to discuss which of his sideburns they like more. Only on 2nd dates do you get to visit Jimmy John’s.
3. Top 10 Mix Tapes - This debate began at a Pizza Hut in New Jersey once between Chuck Klosterman and Malcolm Gladwell. Gladwell was convinced that he could give anecdotal evidence of all the tapes he made for ladies in college and told many stories with no real conclusion. Klosterman compared Gladwell’s tapes to hermaphroditic ground sloths.
2. Top 10 Ways to Die in a Movie - Snakes on a Plane probably has 2 of them. Shark Attack 3 another couple. Obviously death by an animal moves you up in the rankings.
1. Top 10 Photoshopped Pictures of Actresses - Nothing brings the Internets to a screeching halt like the release of a new photograph of anyone remotely famous. A faked picture is even better because it probably contains the face of someone remotely famous but put in a situation we’d like to see. The most genius of computer hackerz have figured this out and have attached their viruses to emails promising pics or video taking down networks everywhere. I’m sure is what Al Gore had in mind when he invented The Internet in his garage.
28 Responses to "Guest post COW: Roughkat’s top 10 top 10 lsits"
Perfect picture because it even coincides with #1. Next week I’ll be having a dance off with Patrick Swayze for a spot at Chip ‘N Dales, just to follow up my Farley impersonation.
10. “See that, he’s in the feel, right there…”
9. Also being pitched for a coffee table book: Michael Cuddyer’s top-10 9th inning backwards Ks (The title will likely have to be “re-vamped”)
8. I don’t understand why this top-10 list would “never be”. It’s totally feasible. I could see Entertainment Weekly doing something like that. Or KSK during the NFL offseason…
7. I wish there was a top-10 of photos of fans who expect the t-shirt gun to be shot 3/4 of the way up the outfield upper-deck
6. Reasons to shut off the game: They’re bringing in Jesse Crain. Juan Rincon works equally well.
5. Sometimes I miss the unsecured days of Facebook. It was much more entertaining.
4. Ha! Perfect. There is no more generic restaurant than The Old Spaghetti Factory, and why it is known as a “date place” is beyond my [redacted] comprehension. Seriously, save yourself the money, light some candles, and serve her some creamette spaghetti with Ragu at home. It might cost you two dollars to make enough for four people. Hey! You could have a double date!
3. There’s a book out called Love is a Mixtape. A worthy read. Mixtapes/CDs are absolutely perplexing. I guess when I would make them for people though, I wasn’t trying to show off anything other than the fact that I could make a relatively seamless mix that blended well. I wasn’t trying to force obscure crap on the ears of others…
2. On that list would have to be one of the deaths in The Punisher. Shoots a guy through the neck with a bow and arrow from about 10 feet away… Yeah.
1. I wonder what percentage of the internets is made up of said images? 80%? Too low?
My friend asked if it’d be funny to bring a “Circle Me Bert” sign to a Gopher football game (one of those meta, “joke’s actually on you” things). I’ll pose this question to the gallery. Thoughts?
People go to Gopher Football games?
Brandon: Would you be wearing Twins gear?
That sounds funny to me, which means it probably isn’t.
Where are these Gophers and why aren’t they being blown up?
I’d wear a Wild jersey
No reviews of GTA4 yet?
Top ten things to do while at work…other than work:
10. Randball.
9. Read Stu’s, Jama’s, roughkat’s, and Dave’s responses on Randball.
8. Match.com (and you wonder why my relationships don’t work).
7. Look for previously said images
6. Study for the wonderlick to become next Viking’s Starting QB.
5. Just stair at the screen for hours to make it look like I’m actually getting something done.
4. Look for another job.
3. Open, read, and forward corrupted emails.
2. Use the facilities as often as possible and try to read every magazine next to the sitter all in one day.
1. Not get fired.
Top ten reasons Joker’s a catch for any gal:
10. Highly motivated.*
9. Church-going.*
8. Committed, conscientious employee.*
7. Loves spending time with his woman’s family.*
6. Non-drinker.*
5. Anti-porn and nudity.*
4. Only has eyes for his woman.*
3. Sports come second to his woman’s needs.*
2. Great sense of humor.
1. Just all-around lovable!
*False. (Based on no actual knowledge of Joker and only on his RandBall comments over time.)
Joker - note there are no asterisks next to the two most important characteristics. Any woman would be lucky to have you.
My buddy went on a double date one time and the other guy was Joe Mauer. Every time someone would come up to ask for an autograph by asking “Are you Joe Mauer?,” Mauer would say, “No, I’m his twin brother.”
Then Joe would chuckle politely before giving the autograph. What a character.
Once AZ leaves her AZBH I think we have the makings of the first Randball wedding. The reception would consist of a beer pong tournament, a staring contest, pin the mustache on Rand, and of course a Beer Mile.
Speaking of the Beer Mile, if anyone is interested that hasn’t already received an email, it’s happening this Saturday. Let me know if you want details.
Roughkat, is there anything more specific in terms of location besides the starting point?
As if roughkat’s invite wasn’t enough, I may even be there for an hour or two.
I repeat: I may be there.
While Joker’s charm has captivated me from my RandBall beginnings, he and I would fight like cats and dogs in real life. And not in that cute, wedding night karate brawl kind of way.
And not in that cute, wedding night karate brawl kind of way.
Nothing cuter…
Any chance this is a Naked Beer Mile?
jama - After 4 beers, who knows what will happen. Be sure to read up on the rules.
3. Muxtape brings the classic art of mixtape sculpture into the digital age. Check out mine at http://www.lattewarriors.muxtape.com [Perhaps the legion of Randball contributors can build their own for a Bobby Flay Throwdown-like competition].
OMG - I just found my new goal.
Latte: that Whigs song is just about the best thing since Favre peed away the NFC Championship.
Joker, your #6 may be kind of hard for you if you can’t even spell Wonderlic to begin with.
Not sayin’, just sayin’.
Coach: What do you guys have that all other teams don’t have?
Chazz Michael Michaels: Twin dongs?
Coach: Correct.
“Study for the wonderlick to become next Viking’s Starting QB.”
Joker - did you pick up on the fact that our center of the future (John Sullivan) had one of the top Vunderlicth scores?
Tavaris scored a 19, a tad better than Booty. Our present (maybe) center is a Harvard grad. Our future center scored a 35. Jackson and Booty’s combined score is the same as Sullivan.
It’s the center position, stupid!! (Not directed at you, Joker.)
That was the most awesome Top 10 List I’ve ever read in my life. By far.
Here’s me with the work computer that always fails.
Since we’re on the subject of Blades of Glory
Hey AZGopherGirl are you an official, cuz I officially have a [redacted].
