Cedric Benson would not have fared very well when the British were coming. One if by land? Well, Cedric hasn’t exactly torn it up as the Bears’ running back. A No. 4 overall pick should probably average more than 3.8 yards per carry for his career and not make fans cringe every time he touches the ball. But now, two if by sea? Benson was charged with drunken boating over the weekend in Texas, giving us all that lovely image you see (from the AP). The Chicago Sun-Times has more of the details:

Benson refused a breath test but failed a sobriety test designed for boaters, according to the LCRA. The officer wanted to bring him ashore for more tests, but Benson refused.

But Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times he was not drunk and did not resist arrest.

“I was not intoxicated. There was alcohol on the boat, and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn’t drunk,” he said.

But according to the LCRA, an officer asked Benson, owner-operator of the boat, to do a “float” sobriety test. Detainees may be asked to follow an object with their eyes, do the alphabet and count down with their fingers. An officer said Benson failed. Authorities wanted to bring Benson ashore for more tests, the LCRA said.

Benson refused to put on a life jacket — a requirement on LCRA boats — and “presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land,” authorities said.

Stu, who passed along the story and will be (hopefully) delivering your Commenter Of the Week sermon later, said, “That makes it two surfaces where he can’t outrun defenders. I’ll be here all week, try the veal.” If Cedric causes some sort of havoc related to air, he will officially complete — by himself — what is known as the 2005 Vikings Triple Play (Moss trade by land, Whizzinator by air, boat cruise by sea).

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