StarTribune.com

This is your last chance

Posted on May 19th, 2008 – 11:21 AM
By Michael Rand

As we ran errands this morning, we felt the sweet vibrations of the cell phone. It was Rocket, making a last-ditch attempt to get us to participate in the Timberwolves’ Pay the Pick promotion. He tried to sway us with all the RandBall material we would amass if we bought the tickets. He used various other tricks of the trade. We mulled it over, headed home, weighed the financial impact of even the worst outcome (No. 6 pick, two tickets, about $500) and had everything filled out. But then we stopped. We’re not sure if it’s a sign of where we are as a sports fan, where we are in our lives or some sort of inner voice saying, “What are you going to do with two tickets to 43 Wolves games?” (including two exhibition games). A tiny voice was still saying, “Don’t do it.” (And it did not belong to the RandBall Better Half, who at least grudgingly endorses the move). So, RandBallers, this is your chance to attempt to sway us. We’ll listen to logic-based arguments. We’ll listen to outrageous claims. We’ll accept requests for a co-investor if someone is interested in going halfsies (one ticket each, split up the games, maybe even go together sometimes if we can stand each other). We’ll accept the stinging barbs insinuating that we’re getting soft, that a rookie RandBall would have pulled the trigger a month ago instead of hemming and hawing like a [redacted] [redacted]. But we won’t accept anything past 5 p.m. today. That’s our deadline. We can’t guarantee that anything you say will make us seal the deal. But we will listen if you have something to say.

79 Responses to "This is your last chance"

Rocket says:

May 19th, 2008 at 11:37 am

The number of times I write a post per week about what a [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] you are if you don’t do this will be inversely proportional to the Wolves pick. Heaven help us all if they win that lottery…

Ryan says:

May 19th, 2008 at 11:38 am

Don’t do it!!! I cannot support this team as long as they allow McHale to run this team into the ground. I wouldn’t take $500 to have to watch that crappy product they put on the floor.

Jon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 11:40 am

I absolutely think you should do it, if only because everyone you know will immediately have an argument-clincher against you. You make fun of them for something else, all they have to say is “$516.”

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 11:41 am

I can’t stand you, but I will go halfsies with you. *That’s what she said.* But I’d recommend two tickets for half the games, instead of one to each. Is that what you were saying?

Also: can someone explain why the Sports Guy’s blogger site has a photo of Mitch McDeere (from The Firm) in the sidebar?

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 11:46 am

Seriously. You can do so much better than the Wolves for an investment in MN sports. That $500 will take you a pretty good ways toward season tickets for another franchise. Let’s say the Twins. You could get two full-season cheap seats for $500 and you might actually be entertained.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Think how many gummy bears $500 could buy. Or even how many cases of Fat Tire that could get you.

All that being said, I’d go with the tickets and go halfsies with Brandon. Figure you can sell the tickets to the Celtics game for at least $30 a piece and your total is already down to $440. Maybe sell the Lakers tickets once or twice and you are closer to $350.

Do they actually have anymore of these tickets left? I thought they were only selling like 200 of those tickets. Are the Wolves really that sad? Oh yeah. By the way I am predicting the Wolves are going to finish 4th in the lottery tomorrow. Anyone want to make any wagers? Perhaps a future COW?

Rocket says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:21 pm

If Jama is right and they get the fourth pick then the two tickets combined are only going to set you back $344. And, with two people willing to take on half the burden you are now (according to Jama’s prediction) only paying $172! Only $172 for around sixty or more easy RanbBall posts! Pull the trigger right [redacted] now!

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Jump on the grenade. Can’t the tickets be written off as a business expense? Enough already, Get R Dun

lattewarrior says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:38 pm

I say buy the tickets and then give the really [redacted] games away as gag gifts or real gifts to those you really do not care for. You could get a lot of mileage out of those tickets without ever attending a game. Plus, you could be That Guy who calls into local radio shows with the holier-than-thou take of, “I’m a Timberwolves season ticket holder and, blah, blah, blah, McHale has to go, blah, blah, blah, and Glen Taylor should be ashamed of himself, blah, blah, blah.”

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:41 pm

I argue against this move solely because someone used “Git R Dun” as an argument in support of it.

fasolamatt says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm

I can see it now: COW = Grizzlies tix

Joker says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm

2 comments on 1 post and he didn’t even plug his book yet. Rocket must be serious about this. In that case Rand, I wouldn’t buy them.

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

@Davey ‘Sota: I am an optimist (for the day) and choose to believe that term was used ironically. Thus, my offer stands.

And as a one-day optimist, I’m predicting the Wolves get the two pick.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

I like how ESPN only has the Wolves picking someone else if they pick #1, otherwise it’s the same pick for slots 2-7. Does no one else want this guy that has a girl’s name?

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Dave

As much as the NBA gods would like, the Wolves can’t pick lower than #6, thanks to a lucky coin flip. They wasted any small amount of luck they had on that coin.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Ah, well, if they could pick seventh, ESPN would tell me that they’d take Brook Lopez.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:37 pm

If he’s anything like Mario Lopez’s character, AC Slater, he has to be a good athlete.

Mike M. says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:43 pm

Mr. Rand,

I was perusing the ticket offer details on the T-Wolves website, and found that the maximum you’ll pay for that promotion is $5 per game. Check the Ticketmaster site. That changes your maximum investment to $460 for two tickets. Would that be something that you’re interested in?

Mike M. says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:44 pm

Check that, $430 max for two tix.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:47 pm

@Mike M. - +1 for the Entourage reference, intended or not.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:48 pm

I hate the NBA. Plus, I’m a wife, which, some would say, makes me a fun-hater. Two reasons I vote NO. Plus, everyone knows that whatever you spend on Wolves tickets, the RBBH gets to spend on girlish stuff. Then you’re out twice the cash. (At least, that’s how it works in my house).

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Two reasons I vote NO. Plus, everyone knows that whatever you spend on Wolves tickets, the RBBH gets to spend on girlish stuff. Then you’re out twice the cash. (At least, that’s how it works in my house).

Fun hater, indeed. In that situation, I would never do anything for myself…

roughkat says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

I’ve been going back and forth on this deal myself. I’m pretty sure I’m going to pull the trigger though. I’m also convinced they’re getting the #2 pick.

Rocket says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm

AZGopherGirl, that kind of BS reasoning about the female in the relationship getting to spend an equal amount of money on “girlish stuff” is precisely the reason that Joker is constantly lighting his hair on fire.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm

So, Roughkat, at #2 they’re getting Brook Lopez, as compared to #6 where they’re getting Brook Lopez.

And, jama, he very well may be related to AC Slater. If he wears any Bayside Tigers gear to his first practice, we’ll know for sure…

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I think Rocket’s going to light himself on fire if Rand doesn’t do this…

I haven’t seen him so passionate about anything on here since he released some book…I can’t seem to remember the name of it though…

Stu says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:03 pm

David: you forget Rocket’s impassioned defense of Apolo Anton Lee Harvey Ohno on Dancing with the Stars, or his myriad attempts to convince us that Rand’s mom is hot.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Which hair is Joker lighting on fire? That could cause some real problems.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

If Rand’s mom is hot could we start calling her a RILF? Or is that a little too much?

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Okay, if you don’t like that reason not to do it, look for the answer right in Rand’s very own post.

“And it did not belong to the RandBall Better Half, who at least grudgingly endorses the move.”

Grudgingly is the key word. Men, how many times do you have to be burned on this before you get it? How many times has a woman told you “sure, fine, okay, whatever” only to drop the hammer after you did it? You’re supposed to get what we MEAN, not what we say. Textbook woman.

lattewarrior says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:07 pm

RILF = Genius.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

John Wilkes Booth
Lee Harvey Oswald

Hmmm…

Do we need to worry about Chad Michael Murray?

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

“Sure, Fine, Okay, Whatever” has always meant “no”. Anyone who hasn’t picked this up just from living isn’t paying attention

Stu says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Grudgingly is the key word. Men, how many times do you have to be burned on this before you get it? How many times has a woman told you “sure, fine, okay, whatever” only to drop the hammer after you did it? You’re supposed to get what we MEAN, not what we say. Textbook woman.

This is the opposite of false.

lattewarrior says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:13 pm

I nominate AZGopherGirl for the role of “plucky female sidekick” on the Boner and Dr. Fart show.

Rocket says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

In the battle of the sexes the only true winner is Joker’s hairstylist.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Oh, lattewarrior, I have dreamed of being Terri Trein my whole life!

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm

“Sure, Fine, Okay, Whatever” is also the biggest mixed message. Because it means “I don’t want you to do that”, but, when you don’t do what you were thinking of doing, some women will feign being upset because you didn’t do it…because now they’re some kind of overbearing shrew. Or something like that…

Michael Rand says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

Roughkat and Brandon: If you are both in, I will get two tickets right now and we can split them all up later. The worst any one of us will be out, if Mike M.’s math is correct, is 150 bucks. Say the word.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

Ah, yes, the “overbearing shrew defense”. Chapter 9 of the textbook, my MN friend.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

And there goes another $150 on pug outfits.

The News says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Apparently ‘Group’ is still finding new Starbucks logo too hot to handle after 3 days.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Are you an overbearing shrew or an overbearing Shrute?

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

+1 AZ gotta love dogs dressed up like cats.

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:29 pm

This is me, saying the word. Let’s do this.

Stu says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Wizard Cat, like the rest of us, is worried about Ceiling Cat. Duh.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:37 pm

jama - love the Shrute reference. I have to say, I thought The Office “brought it” (s-nap) in the season finale. I think Michael Schur read your 30 Rock lovefest, ordered a re-write, called the cast in for a re-shoot and stepped it up a notch. (It might have happened…)

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

Was I mistaken or did I see Dwight topless at the end of the finale? I agree with AZ I thought the finale was probably the best episode of the season.

Michael Rand says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

I just texted Roughkat for his final answer. Anyone else wants in on this to make it four, I’m guessing nobody would object. But I am set to do this with three for sure.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

I think Joker may be more worried about Ceiling Cat than the rest of us.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

Dwight was indeed topless. Also, I read that Angela just had a baby in real life (thanks again, People magazine), so he was pretending to mack on a very pregnant woman. Great thespian, that Rainn.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

The finale of The Office was absolutely ridiculous. I was blown away by how much they fit in that hour.

And jama, you were not mistaken. That was half-naked Schrute at the end…the last joke they could cram into a jam-packed episode. I don’t think they wasted a single second.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Rand

If I even remotely liked any of the 3 of you I might be interested, but you 3 are all way to cool. For that reason I will pass. (Unless you absolutely need a 4th)

Michael Rand says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:49 pm

Roughkat has made the purchase, and we’re set splitting it 3 ways. Sorry to anyone else who wanted in. Brandon, the only stipulation is that he gets tix to the Lakers game because his special lady friend used to live in Cali. The rest will be determined by a “draft” once I get back into town next week, which is surely cause for a RandBall gathering, no? Just be prepared to write him a check for however much we owe at the ticket draft. Cool?

roughkat says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:56 pm

This is like gambling waiting to see how much we actually have to pay. I’m excited for tomorrow night. Randball will have to wait an entire week in agony since The French don’t care what pick the Wolves get. Sacré bleu!!

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Brandon, the only stipulation is that he gets tix to the Lakers game because his special lady friend used to live in Cali.

That’s funny, Joker has also likely had a lady-friend in Cali. Maybe they knew each other.

Jon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Next RandBall outing: next time Brandon pitches for Minnetonka.

This is assuming that townball games in the city are like townball games of my youth, and thus, the concessions stand is basically one large beer cooler.

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Not only will I write him a check, but I’ll include a juvenile reasoning for the payment in the “memo” portion (suggestions welcomed). That’s just how I roll: immaturely.

I am more than a little baffled at myself for being so excited about this.

roughkat says:

May 19th, 2008 at 2:58 pm

56 comments?!?! You’d think this was on the homepage. This has to be a record for the typical randballers.

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Brandon, dial it down a bit, you don’t want Rand and Roughkat over-charging you because they know you’ll pay “whatever”…

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Randball: “The only blog to talk about maybe, thinking, contemplating buying Wolves tickets for less than a cheeseburger”

Stu says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:03 pm

We’re over 60 now, roughkat. Hold on tight.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:03 pm

“This has to be a record for the typical randballers.”

So now we are just typical? Great, my mom almost had me convinced I was special.

Jon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Brandon: you need to channel your inner Rondell White:

“Bought something.”

Michael Rand says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Also a rule: anyone using the tickets has to write a post for the next day. Deal?

Dave MN says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm

jama: back to therapy with you…

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

@Jon – yeah, that’s pretty much dead on. Nothing better than town ball. I’m obsessed to an unhealthy, shameful degree — and I’m completely fine with that.

(@Rand - deal.)

roughkat says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:15 pm

posts after game? dun

When is Brandon up next in the rotation?

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:24 pm

It says 69 posts. Ha Ha. Jared Allen would be proud.

Jon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:27 pm

He beat Eagan last Thursday… so he’s probably not pitching tonight against Chaska… so I’m guessing Thursday against Austin.

Brandon says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Yep, Thursday it is.

AZGopherGirl says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

And, if there are negative RBBH consequences to this purchase (financial or otherwise), Rand must self-report. Remember, the reasonable statute of limitations on this grudge lasts until the end of the next NBA season.

jama says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:41 pm

Are these tickets going to be given away as an anti-Cow prize? The worst commenter of the week has to attend a Wolves game, preferably against another worthless team. (i.e Grizzlies or Clippers.)

scagmajor says:

May 19th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Brandon,

I like to write “sensual massage” in the memo portion of the check.

disco says:

May 19th, 2008 at 4:01 pm

@Brandon “payment for services rendered” is always a fun, ambiguous statement for the memo section of a check.

Joker says:

May 19th, 2008 at 4:01 pm

jama

did your mom yell “you’re special” down the stairs into the basement?

minnysports28 says:

May 19th, 2008 at 4:02 pm

DO IT!

Joker says:

May 19th, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Brandon/Disco

“weed” is usually a fun one to put in the memo section.