Stupid Games We Played: The John Denver Memorial Putt-Putt Golf and Margarita Invitational Open Classic
Posted on May 20th, 2008 – 12:20 PMBy Michael Rand
We’re really starting to like this series. Fasolamatt, you have the floor:
Northern Minnesota, the late 1980s. A bar with a miniature golf course attached. Summer camp staffers on their day off, laundry done, and one prize purchased at a local used goods store: a John Denver record album. Desperate for entertainment, it is born: The John Denver Memorial Putt-Putt Golf and Margarita Invitational Open Classic. Note that the departed folk singer wasn’t actually dead yet at the time.
The rules aren’t all that tough. Every nine holes that you successfully complete, you get to drink a margarita. Then you play nine more holes. Successful completion is defined as no score more than a six on any hole. As soon as you fail to make a six, you are out, and you may not drink further until everyone is done. This does not prevent you from verbally abusing other participants in hopes of being able to quench your thirst further. As you can imagine, as soon as two or three people are out, the quality of play (and wordplay) deteriorates rapidly. Winner keeps the record album until the next year.
The bar closed after the fourth year of the event. I’m pretty sure the John Denver album is in a rural Minnesota landfill somewhere. The participants? Most of them spend their days educating your children.
27 Responses to "Stupid Games We Played: The John Denver Memorial Putt-Putt Golf and Margarita Invitational Open Classic"
That…. is inspired genius.
Single person clapping, then a couple people clapping, building to many people clapping, building to a thunderous standing ovation.
The participants? Most of them spend their days educating your children.
My oldest’s 2nd-grade teacher was a college roommate of my brother’s at SCSU. I witnessed him (redacted) a superhuman amount of (redacted) before washing it down with (redacted) back in the mid-’90s, so it was a tad off-putting when I saw that he was teaching my daughter’s class.
The moral of the story is that he’s got a rack of teaching awards to his name, and is Celia’s favorite teacher to this day.
GO HUSKIES! WOO!!!
Its like a [redacted] mad lib. I’m going to go with:
I watched him [huff] a superhuman amount of [paint thinner] then wash it down with [Bacardi 151 & OK Soda] back in the mid-’90s.
I was way off according to dan’s mad lib. I thought Stu’s daughter was taught by one of the girls on 2 girls one cup.
Can we give it up for Ryan Hoag?
First he was Mr. Irrelevant, drafted out of Gustavus.
And now this:
http://thesportspoint.blogspot.com/2008/05/2003-nfl-mr-irrelevant-ryan-hoag-is.html
He’s one of us, you know.
danonymous: you aren’t far off.
Sassbottom: I think Rand had this a couple weeks ago, but it was not 100% confirmed. He is a handsome one.
Sass
You can’t steal AZ’s thunder. She has been writing a COW for 2 weeks that centered on all her People magazine articles that related to sports. I’m sure Ryan Hoag was a top 5 candidate along with Tony Romo, Mrs. Longoria, and D. Wade dating that hack of a lawyer Star Jones.
I was once caught Night Putting in college.
Man, those were crazy times…
Times are a little lean as far as sports-related People stories go. This week, all I can report is that Tai Babelonia and Randy Gardner retired from ice skating, and (gasp!) he’s gay.
But, rest assured, Mrs. Irrelevant will not be writing about Mr. Irrelevant. That would be a sad twist of irony.
In other figure-skating news, I really, really, really want Sasha Cohen to pictorially go the way of Katarina Witt.
Unrelatedly, please tell me this was a work of satire: http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/05/20/nba-draft-lottery-if-karma-wins/
If the rules of karma chose the NBA lottery, the first pick would go to … the Knicks? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read, and that includes the one time I accidentally skimmed a Scoop Jackson column.
Brandon
Did I read that right at the end? Did it say the Wolves are honorable mention for “rebuilding the right way”? THAT’S the stupidest thing I’ve ever read.
An in even more unrelateder news, Stu needs to find a new way to entertain himself on Saturday nights.
The entire piece is so, so stupid. My mindgrapes hurt.
“An” means the same as “and” right? Dur.
The Hootie - I’m sure there are many other venues that would love to present Stu lifting 20-pound weights with his nipples.
(I know, I know, my nipples references are getting old. But in this wasteland that is Timbrewolves/Stupid Games We Played, I got nothin’.)
“Northern Minnesota, the late 1980s. A bar with a miniature golf course attached.”
Jon - now that’s genius.
I’m sure there are many other venues that would love to present Stu lifting 20-pound weights with his nipples.
If I had a nickel for every time…
Typical.
I guess the 3 amigos will have to chip in a little more.
Shafted again.
The one benefit of following teams in this frickin’ state - at least I know for a fact that karma doesn’t exist.
Jon
You could argue that Karma does exist. The Wolves probably don’t deserve a top 2 pick. They have continued to employee a GM that is blatanly helping all the other teams in the league. I guess it’s a toss up.
Keep telling yourself they would have drafted Brook Lopez with the 1 or 2, keep telling yourself they would have drafted Brook Lopez with the 1 or 2, keep telling yourself they would have drafted Brook Lopez with the 1 or 2…
And with the third pick of the 2008 draft, MP109 select, out of Stanford University, another project center…
How awesome would it be if David Stern op-editorialized the picks as he announced them?!
I’m just hoping that the next combo guard we draft will really be the next…uh…who’s a star NBA combo guard again?
McHale: “Hello, Mr. Stern?”
David Stern: “Speaking.”
McHale: “Um, I didn’t draft who I wanted last year…can I have a do-over?”
Stern: “Well, you did bring winning basketball back to Boston this season. I suppose we can work it out.”
McHale: “Awesome! You’re the greatest, Mr. Stern! I want to pick Spencer Hawes!”
Stern: “Now why would you want to do that? You can draft Brook Lopez this year.”
McHale: “Oh, I’m going to draft Lopez, but I don’t think there’s such a thing as too many white centers.”
Stern: “Fair enough. Goodbye” [hangs up phone] “[redacted] flyover country…”
Everybody knows that we’ll draft another combo/shooting guard, and send out a starting five of Foye, Mayo/Gordon, Brewer, McCants, and Jefferson. If that isn’t an intimidating offensive powerhouse, I don’t know what is.
I firmly believe we’ll trade the pick to Boston for their 2022 1st-rounder and their next seven 2nd-rounders. After all, that’s how you build a team, right?
If we draft one Lopez, doesn’t that mean we’ll end up with two?
