Stu’s Hunt Down: Joey Browner
Posted on May 22nd, 2008 – 12:00 PMBy Michael Rand
The Huntdown
Name: Joey Browner
Claim to Fame, Minnesota: played strong safety for the Purple from 1983-1991. He was good: six Pro Bowls, four All-Madden teams, Hall of Fame nominee, martial arts aficionado, freakishly strong hands. Said hands were in evidence the Monday night after the Minnesota Twins won the 1987 World Series, when he tackled Broncos running back Gerald Willhite from behind with one hand and vaporized Willhite’s leg. Thankfully, no YouTube clip exists of this, as it was really gross.
Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: although I’m not officially a member of the media, I am duty-bound to note that he was in the same USC defensive backfield as Ronnie Lott, Jeff Fisher and Dennis Smith. Since I’m not officially a member of the media, I can also note that I don’t need to hear or read this factoid ever again. Everyone knows this now. Children yet to be born know this.
Where He Is Now: where isn’t he? He’s a member of the Metropolitian Council’s Central Corridor Community Outreach Staff, or as I like to call it, the MCCCCOS. Per the link, he also teaches “traditional martial arts at the Marshall Avenue School of Self Defense in St. Paul.” He co-hosts a radio show. Hey, he has a MySpace page, too. Unlike Roughkat, though, he has friends like Adrian Peterson and Keyshawn Johnson. Finally, in contrast to every other athlete I’ve hunted down, I’ve seen him at my grocery store in St. Cloud a couple times (I think he lives in the area). His hands are still terrifying.
Glorious Randomness: in the late ‘80s, the NFL required all teams to have a Browner or Zendejas on their active roster. Or that’s what it seemed like, at least.
Note from Stu: thanks to RandBall reader “fasolamatt” for his help on this.
30 Responses to "Stu’s Hunt Down: Joey Browner"
I’ve seen him at my grocery store in St. Cloud a couple times. His hands are still terrifying.
This sentence becomes really funny if you insert it into the “I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s…” line in “Werewolves of London.”
+1 brandong
He is living in Periz MN
Nice–but not nearly as important as breaking news that a noted Packer* officially retired.
I highly recommend that you check out the MySpace page–someone really likes the A-Team and REALLY dislikes said Packer.
*Not really all that noted
What is it they say about a man with big hands? And why is that all Stu can think of?
Joey’s birthday is the day before mine. I feel so close to him now!
Back! That’s Magnum PI, not the A-Team. Idiot.
No TV and No Beer Make Homer go something something…
A little Bill Schroeder trivia - he’s married to a Minnesota girl (from Arlington, the town in which yours truly was born) and has recently been into competitive distance golfball driving. Or some other made up sport like that, soon to be seen in the Olympics.
Come on Stu! Can’t you guys stay out of the news for ONE day?
http://www.startribune.com/local/19176624.html?location_refer=Homepage
AZ
Are you a Sibley East Grad? If so, what year?
I haven’t updated my MySpace page in a while. Some of my notable friends include DaveMN’s band, my ex-girlfriend from 10th grade, RandBall, and Barney from How I Met Your Mother. I’m not sure how anyone named Joey can compete with that.
AZGG - You’re from Arlington? Sorry to hear that–I always had so much respect for you. GRIN
Just kidding, of course–one of my wife’s best friends is from Arlington (she and I grew up in LeSueur, albeit a few years apart), so we give her loads of grief.
What is it they say about a man with big hands?
Big gloves.
And why is that all Stu can think of?
Because back in the day, John Madden would have shuddering, toe-curling Maddengasms about Joey Browner’s hands. It’s burned into my memory. I can’t help it. I bet he knows his way around a lobster, too.
Roughkat: I hyperlinked your MySpace page in the original Hunt Down, but the Powers That Be must’ve decided against it.
How does this post make it to the Web site without mentioning that he once was a security guard at Mystic Lake???
RE: Arlington. I have relatives from my stepfather’s side in Arlington, and a college roommate from Green Isle.
Booooo Le Sueur Giants. I was a Jordan grad. And on that note:
Yes I’ve met the Dahm Triplets
No their [redacted] weren’t always that big
No I was never molested by my 10th english teacher Mr. Simon who is currently living in St. Cloud prison. Watch you [redacted] Stu…he liked little boys.
Funny, Joker checks off the biggest questions about Jordan that anyone ever asks. He got them in the wrong order, though.
I’m still alive, unfortuntely I’ve had to actually get some work done the last couple of days.
Speaking of Joey Browner, I think I remember the Bears winning something called the Superbowl while Mr. Browner was a Viking. The year was 1985 to be exact.
Oh how I hope the Vikings never win a Superbowl so I have at least one thing to gloat about. Because we know the Bears aren’t going to be winning anytime soon.
The boring details (and only because you asked): my parents’ farm is equi-distant from Arlington and Green Isle. The Arlington hospital is closest and hosted my birth, though the metropolis of Glencoe has larger school district boundaries, which we fell just inside of. So I’m a Glencoe grad, back when it was just Glencoe (go Eagles), before joining with Silver Lake brought them to football prominence. (And back in the days of the Suburban West Conference, when Eden Prairie was smallish and also sucked on the gridiron.) I will generally say I’m from Glencoe, unless it’s beneficial to claim to be from Arlington (which I don’t think has ever happened yet). As Paula Abdul would say on a show you guys don’t watch: Here I am, standing in my truth.
Stu - if your college roommate was Lutheran or in 4H, I might know him (two facts I’m sure would have emerged while drinking).
There was that little incident with the law back in the mid-90s - DNA proved him innocent. DNA rocks.
I remember he had a ridiculously hot wife. Wonder if they’re still together.
I had no idea Browner worked security at Mystic Lake. I have got to get the keys to CJ’s archives.
AZGG: well, if you know anyone who got the nickname “Torch” in high school because he stood too close to a bonfire once, that’s the guy.
Torch?
Is he now an American Gladiator? If not he should be.
jama, unfortunately, there is hope. a couple co-workers of mine had a bet on who would win the super bowl first, vikes or pack. the bet was made (long before I ever met them) when the pack was mired in absolute mediocrity in the ’80s) and even in 1994 when I did meet them (yay, first jobs), i still thought the guy backing the vikes would win. after all, all favre had accomplished up to that point was three straight 9-7 seasons. who knew the walrus needed five years with a quarterback to get him to the super bowl and win?! (damn you, jerramy stevens.)
As Paula Abdul would say on a show you guys don’t watch: Here I am, standing in my truth giant bottle of happy pills.
Fixed. Sorry about David Archuleta. We were rooting for the little guy*.
Ramon: yeah, I ran across that, too. Thought about including it, but decided against it.
*No.
Stu - can’t be anyone I know. Lutherans and 4-H alumni alike respect the awesome power of fire. Well, unless alcohol is involved.
AZGopherGirl-If you had a classmate last name Johnson I might know them. I don’t know of anytime in recorded history that I will generally say I’m from Glencoe, unless it’s beneficial to claim to be from Arlington has ever been said, or thought of as an out for a conversation.
Lutherans and 4-H alumni alike respect the awesome power of fire.
Well, I laughed.
I can’t argue with you, Supe.
Stu, thanks for humoring me. And may I commend you and Joey Browner both for stepping foot in a grocery store.
“Ramon: yeah, I ran across that, too. Thought about including it, but decided against it.”
Good call Stu. In all seriousness I’m a big supporter of The Innocence Project and I’m glad it happened to him in the era of DNA testing. Really, I brought it up to point that out.
