The absurdity of sports. You are probably happy today, Twins fan. You were inches away, on several occasions, from being very unhappy today. But the unlikely nuances of baseball, with the Twins trailing 8-3 with two outs in the ninth and then tying it faster than Stu can search for Ashely Harkleroad on the Internet, have likely made you at least 30 percent more happy overall today than if that steaming dung-fest of eight innings had finished the same way. So it goes, sports fan. And let this be another lesson: unless you are prepared to hate yourself later, never give up on a game. It was tempting last night, to be sure. As we sat at the RandBall Beverage Headquarters with M.C. Creme Fraiche and Jason Kubel Jersey Guy, there was nothing about that game that suggested a Twins comeback was in the offing. Lured by the sweet convergence of baseball, Eastern Conference hoops Game 5 and Stanley Cup finals Game 3, and positioned perfectly for an equilateral triangle view of all three, the hoops and baseball had largely disappointed for most of the night (the hockey was fantastic). It was nearing the ninth, and we punched out a text to the RBBH saying we were leaving. Boston was coasting. The Twins were flubbing. The puck was over. But if you love sports, you can convince yourself to stay. Hey, they have a baserunner. Just need a couple more. Hey, Detroit cut it to 12. Wait, 10. Now it’s seven. Wow, Harris just got a hit. If Go-Go can get on, the tying run comes up. True story: We turned to Jason Kubel Jersey Guy and told him that if Alexi Casilla hit a game-tying home run, we would buy a Casilla jersey. When Monroe came up instead as a pinch-hitter, we made no similar claim. And then he did it anyway, and the table freaked out. Each of us sat in disbelief, repeating that we couldn’t believe the game was going to extra innings. Then Morneau goes yard in the 10th, and Creme Fraiche starts talking about how the Twins are going to win, and we have to counteract every statement with a tempered one, as not to jinx things. The Twins, of course, hung on for the win, which carried us to the suddenly tight hoops game. Detroit pulled within one, but Ray Allen’s shot clock dagger with about a minute left, followed by about 37 timeouts (nice buzzkill, NBA), finally released us. Thing is, when you’re hanging out watching games, you should never be looking for an excuse to leave. You should always be looking for a reason to stay. Never give up, sports fan. Never give up.

Fasola-link! Ozzie Guillen and Hulk Hogan. (Mind the salty words, by the way).

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