Viagra: Going the distance on the field, too
Posted on June 10th, 2008 – 10:52 AMBy Michael Rand
Every preposterously outstanding story these days has to involve Roger Clemens. That’s a rule. Or at least it seems that way, given this new revelation from the New York Daily News: Clemens and other ballplayers have turned to a rather surprising new substance for an on-field pick-me-up — Viagra. Perhaps we’re mixing up our below-the-belt elixirs, but we think they should come with a new disclaimer: for if “pitching and hitting” performances lasting longer than four hours, please consult a physician. In any event, please do enjoy these paragraphs from the Daily News story (and thanks to Roughkat and his special lady friend for the, ahem, heads up).
Roger Clemens, whose claims he never took steroids are under federal investigation, has apparently discovered the benefits of another performance-enhancing drug sweeping the sports world - Viagra.
Clemens stashed the clearly marked, diamond-shaped pills in a GNC vitamin bottle in his locker at Yankee Stadium, according to a source familiar with the clubhouse, perhaps keeping the drug undercover to avoid the inevitable wisecracks about all the girlfriends he needed to please.
Clemens wasn’t alone. The pitcher, who is believed to have scored the drug from a teammate, joined the burgeoning number of athletes who have turned Vitamin V and its over-the-counter substitutes into one of the hottest drugs in locker rooms.
The drug is so widely used for off-label purposes that it has drawn the attention of anti-doping officials and law-enforcement agencies in the United States and beyond.
“All my athletes took it,” BALCO founder Victor Conte, whose acolytes included Jason Giambi, Barry Bonds and Marion Jones, said of an over-the-counter supplement he claimed mimicked the effects of Viagra.
“It’s bigger than creatine. It’s the biggest product in nutritional supplements.”
Other potential impacts:
*Mascots should no longer dress provocatively.
*An inning line consisting of 1R, 3H, 1E and 2LOB can be interpreted much differently now.
24 Responses to "Viagra: Going the distance on the field, too"
I’m passing the stuff out before our next softball game. How does Viagra react with cheap beer? Joker - give us some insight.
Stu, smugly smiling to himself, yells out to his significant other. “Hey, check out this RandBall post, honey. Aren’t you glad that I don’t need to take any of the stuff that Roger Clemens does?”
The comely Mrs. Stu, a single tear rolling down her tired yet still beautiful cheek, silently walks out of the room.
Obviously Clemen’s “package” isn’t the biggest ever…or it wouldn’t fit under his cup.
“How does Viagra react with cheap beer?”
I wouldn’t know. Our softball team doesn’t drink cheap beer…
Okay then, how does it react with boxed wine?
jama
Ask Cedric Benson
…and the pitch. Joker hits it long. Joker hits it deep. It’s gone! Wait a minute. Was that a V joke or a well done quip?
Ced Ben doesn’t drink boxed wine he drinks cheap beer. OE 40’s all day baby.
“all day baby”
That explains a lot.
If you’re going to get booted out of the league you might as well go out with a bang baby!
Rocket gets a +2.
Viagra is a common doping item in cycling, as it helps increase red blood cells in the high mountains. No word yet if it makes up for only having one nut.
Reaaaaaaaaally not happy with Stu playing nice. The anticipation of witnessing a faux tete-a-tete really had me jazzed. Much like my ill-fated trips to U of M all-girl dorm parking lots with a trunk-full of wine coolers, the presence of a moral high ground has once again ruined my afternoon.
But my doctor said there was no such thing as over-the-counter Viagra … damn $25 co-pay … wait … did I forget to engage my inner monologue? … sigh…
Oh snap, front page!
Roughkat’s lady friend wonders why he knows so much about the little blue pill…
Can we get any comment from Mindy McCready on this?
A high hard one from Clemens inside!
excellent comments all around!
Maybe we’ll have to change his nickname to the Pocket Rocket.
One of the side effects of Viagra is nasal/sinus congestion. I’m sure that works good for an athlete.
One of the side effects of Viagra is nasal/sinus congestion.
Are you sure it’s not just a listed side effect for the user’s partner?
/gross
OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here,
Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth,
There’s the windup, and there it is, a line shot up the middle,
Look at him go. This boy can really fly! He’s rounding first and really
turning it on now, he’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna try for
second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here comes the
throw, and what a throw! He’s gonna slide in head first, here he
comes, he’s out! No, wait, safe-safe at second base, this kid
really makes things happen out there. Batter steps up to the
plate, here’s the pitch-he’s going, and what a jump he’s got,
he’s trying for third, here’s the throw, it’s in the dirt-safe at
third! Holy cow, stolen base! He’s taking a pretty big lead out
there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
glances over, winds up, and it’s bunted, bunted down the third
base line, the suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes, squeeze
play, it’s gonna be close, here’s the throw,
here’s the play at the plate holy cow,
I think he’s gonna make it!
There is no one - and I mean no one - who has shown us the importance of lyrical subtlety like Sir Meatloaf.
Batter UP!
