We still firmly believe Kobe Bryant is the best player currently in the NBA — better than LeBron, better than KG, better than Chris Paul, etc. But anyone looking for the difference between Kobe and Michael Jordan can look at last night’s game and say, “There it is.” Jordan, in his prime, would never have allowed the Bulls to blow a 24-point lead in such a critical game. He was too smart for it, and he was too in control for it. To be able to say that about Jordan is what made him extra-special. You knew certain games and certain situations were money in the bank, and you just don’t quite have that with Kobe. So, in honor of MJ, today’s movie quotes all come from movies that came out in 1998, the year he won the last of his six NBA championships.

1. There’s a chain of command. Gripes go up, not down. Always up. You gripe to me, I gripe to my superior officer, so on, so on, and so on.

2. Here you’ve been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your [redacted] stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

3. My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

4. The whole world is watching. We can’t let him die in front of a live audience!

5. Let us have pirates, clowns, and a happy ending, or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife!

6. All right, remember: alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!

7. We’re supposed to be at home, David. We’re supposed to be in color!

8. Yeah, so I read in the paper that this guy escapes from jail, ends up at this guy’s wife’s house and she lets him in. So he tells her his story and she feels, sorry for him, and they sleep together. … Yeah? … Yeah, so I guess that’s how you score these days.

9. You know who else I like that didn’t get much play? Velma from Scooby-Doo. She was cool. She was a hip, hip lady.

10. Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax.

Fasola-link! Pete Rose and Joe Morgan, Aqua Velva men.

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