A couple of pieces of official business first: 1) You’re going to be noticing quite a bit of golf around these parts late next week. We’re calling it (probably) “RandBall at the Women’s Open.” Yes, we’ll be out at Interlachen for the U.S. national championship of of women’s golf, filing online reports hopefully filled with tender morsels of information, wit and amusement. 2) We weren’t quite sure how to tell the tale of the weekend, which was heavy on golf, so we decided to go chronologically. The root of chronological is Greek; chronos means “time,” while logos means “the study of,” among other things. Let’s go study some time.

Golf, Part I

Slated to play with Local Quipster in Saturday’s BI golf classic, we decided a practice round Friday evening was necessary, considering we had only played nine holes all year and LQ had only played once since shoulder surgery, which was three years ago. But what good is a round of golf if you don’t first fill your stomach with a delicious meal from Sonic? The drive-in food establishment, which has been taunting us with commercials for months without actually being located here, finally opened a shop in St. Paul last week. Lines? Ridiculous. We tried to turn into the parking lot. Big mistake. We were vehemently directed down the hill to a different parking lot, where we were to obtain a laminated piece of paper to put on our windshield. Then we sat in an auxiliary line for about 15 minutes before being ushered into the real drive-thru line (a deliriously happy LQ pictured above). Another 10 minutes later — after watching a dude in in-line skates bring food back and forth to people at the car stands — we had our delicious chicken club toaster sandwich, tater tots and cherry limeade. If that’s not fuel for a round of golf, we don’t know what is.

OK, now the meat of the story: we get to the golf course right on time (actually, about five minutes late). It’s “family fun day,” which means there’s tons of kids on the course, which is awesome. We’re at Brightwood Hills in New Brighton, just a little executive course to get the shoulders limbered up. To speed things up, we end up pairing with a single named Brian. The family in front of us finally finishes hole one. We play (poorly) and move on to hole two, a little 135-yard par-3. Brian is up. Using a 52-degree wedge, he hits a ball that looks VERY good. As in, a little draw, tracking right at the stick. It lands near the pin, kicks back and goes in. Hole-in-one. Two-thirds of us are going crazy. “I think that just went in!” Brian, somehow subdued says, “Yeah, I think it did.” Seriously? You just made a hole-in-one! That’s all you have? No emotion? Well, it’s only Brightwood Hills, he said. So what? We get excited for a hole-in-one in mini-golf. We had never seen a hole-in-one before in our lives. LQ and us couldn’t decide what was more amazing: that we had just seen a legitimate hole-in-one or that the guy who hit it wasn’t fazed in any way (and this was his first hole-in-one ever). Brian (pictured above right after the big shot) played the rest of his round, which was foolish. As LQ said, when you hole out, you should just quit right there. It’s not going to get any better. After the round was finished, we said to Brian, “Do you realize you made a hole-in-one on Friday the 13th?” To which he deadpanned, “It’s probably my last bit of good luck. I’ll probably get cancer tomorrow.” Now that’s keeping it perspective, Brian! But we beg to differ. With that cheerful disposition, he’ll live to be 100. Overall, Brian was a pretty good guy. We just can’t believe he was so nonchalant about making a hole-in-one. We would have told 500 people by now.

Two questions for Part I: Would you drive 20 minutes and then wait in line another 20 minutes just for a delicious sandwich? And what would you do if you made a hole-in-one (assuming you never have)?

Fasola-link! The oldest living ballplayer.

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